Manic Street Preachers

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Four preachers from Blackwood Wales, didn't like the world the way it was so decided to take a different approach to people and change their views, so then started them manicly preaching on the streets of Wales, they got funny looks, the have been attacked by flying leaks and even been ran out of town by torch wielding sheep, but nothing stopped them from getting where the are today!. They changed the world from that day of that time. LETS ROCK!

Manic Street Preachers in 1993. L-R: James Dean Guevara-Bradfield, Sean Nelson-Moore, Richard Ian James Curtis Edwards and Nicky Marx-Wire.

• Their names are: James Dean pineapple-Bradfield (birth name: "Clint eastwood jr."), Nicholas Jones, Richard Paul James Banks Edwards and Sean Moore.

• James Dean's father was a famous door to door salesman who sold pineapple muffins in a place called Wales. but one day while James deans daddy killed by a passing milk truck, the male driver was taking methadone as a dare by one of his no brainier friends, the man took an overdose and died at the wheel, James was born a month after his daddy was killed... so received the middle name 'pineapple' after his dads death. After two years of being kept in suspended under the attention of the family dog (which took the responsibilities of James’s feeding, grooming and changing nappies), his mother had enough, so packed up all of his baby things and shipped him over to Scotland’s university of human health to be used for scientific experiments like: trying out different products of fabric, food, acid and was even exposed to radiation numerous amounts of time, but soon the university staff started to feel bad for poor baby James Dean so set him free to live in the open forests and to be one with nature, but it was too late, James shrunk by 12 inches of his original height, James was then discovered by some local Forrest dwellers one week later, so raised him as one of their own, they moved to Wales when James reached the age of 6, sent him to school to make sure he lead a normal life, but through his school years constantly got slagged for his height and was branded as a sheep shaggar. when James hit the age of 10 he was adopted by the Moore‘s. At 13 James decided to track down his birth parents but had no luck. Unfortunately, James had the mad idea that he would put up a 'missing persons notice', but since he didn't have a clue what they looked like gave up, crushed by this, he lived a life of crime, which lead to his addiction of leak soup and egg yoke, with nothing meaningful in life he returned back to the Moore’s house, they helped him battle his profound addiction and obsession. James took up guitar and singing because he needed too keep his mind off of leaks and eggs, and finally started busking at the age of 15, and started his band The Manic Street Preachers not long after, with Sean on drums, Nicky on bass, himself on guitar and vocals.

• Sean Moore was a healthy* well behaved child, he was always quiet and got bullied at school for this, but little did they know, Sean used to snoop about in his parents cabinets, he found something so disturbing that he has never been able to speak to anybody since, in fact the only person that he could open up to was James, but that soon became difficult to speak to him because he had his own problems, he was sworn to secrecy by an unknown force. once old enough to leave home, Sean packed his bags and left to join the circus, he was the candyfloss guy, and managed to eat his way through three days worth of candyfloss in one hour, so they fired him, broken and beat, he couldn’t take it anymore, he drove himself to madness and sheer depression, he was sent to an asylum, and stayed there for 900 days, without a permit (which he didn’t have) to go outside. but James came to the rescue and busted him out, but was then forced to play drums for James’s band 'manic street preachers' Sean agreed.

• (little does Sean know, when he was a toddler he swam in a polluted lake that shrunk him 17 inches shorter than he should be)

• Nicholas Jones, also known as 'the wire' had a very strange up bringing as he was raised in Greenland but had to be shipped away because he didn't have enough fat on him to keep him warm, he actually caught hypothermia on 10 different occasions and once ended up turning into a human ice cube, when this happened they shipped him off to india and the Nick-sickle thawed instantly, but then he suffered from heat stroke, and was carried off by vultures, when he showed up again he looked terrable so was shipped off to Wales, where he started school, he was in the same class as Sean Moore and James dean, they became buddies instantly. It has always been Nicky’s dream to be a dictator, so he can strike down all the people that bullied him and hurt him, he woke up one morning and discoverd himself in a hidden base with Richey Edwards, who overheard them saying "we will attack Blackwood’s mining place and will have all the coal MUHAHAHAHAA!... but lets watch the rest of coronation st first!", Richey farted, it didn’t make any noise but had a terrible smell, and set off the secret base gas alarm, "WE ARE BEING GASSED WERE ALL GONG TO DIE!!!" panics the terrorists. They sneaked out and warned everyone, and they both save everyone. At 16 Nicky became a dictator, but just ended up causing a huge uproar when he donated the Spice girls to medical science and caused a world war by claiming that he was the best thing since sliced bread with a sprinkeling of leak. So he gave up on his dream and became a manic street preacher.

• Richard Ian James Curtis Edwards was an easy-going child that loved everyone. He had the most normal up bringing in the band. From a young age he has been interested in modelling and action hero's, in fact, he thought he was super man himself and started random arguments, fights, he went horseback riding regularly and jumped off of a moving horse, and tryed to down a whole pot off leek soup in one gulp, but ended up spilling it all over himself. Richey spent all of his pocket money on comics and upmarket fashion. At the young age of 12 he go his parents into debt by phoning up fashion companies all over the world, stealing their credit cards to buy fur coats, feather boa's comics, and even bought guitars for James Nicky and Sean. Upset by doing this he found himself washing neibours cars, doing loads of chores and even started dancing for money until he made enough to pay them back. At 15 he had miraculously paid them all the money back with help from his 'super powers' he baught some pickled onions and threw them at moving cars for fun, after spending a year in jail, he was finnaly bailed out by nicky, they joind the manics too!

In 1905 Richard Paul James Banks Edwards gained notoriety for shaving the letters '4RHYL' into a sheep’s coat.

[edit] Forming their Preaching group

as young men they all decided that their pasts were too strange and that they should serve the world strong words, spread new beliefs to the streets of Wales NO! the world, so from scratch they got to work and manicly street preached everywhere and were finally discovered by a higher force than god! and they now preach to the whole world!

They have developed a cult following of weird obsessive, loyal fans, so popular in fact other preacher men needed them to stay strong, what an impact they had, they re-wrote the bible, and even started their own generation of terrorists Many other terrorist organisations hate them for what they have done. Nicky became very animated in his preaching against certain organisations, like the REM organisation.

[edit] The Welsh Connection

The group hail from Wales (and until 1907 were in fact banned from leaving Wales). They gain a lot of their influences from the valleys where they grew up. This explains their bleak outlook on life and their downtrodden spirit. Since the disappearance of there main political influence (Richey Edwards) they have moved further away from preaching their political aims and toward promoting Welsh culture. Nicky Wire will no longer allow anyone into his house who is not in Welsh national dress. Similarly if you want to attend any of their sermons then you must have a Welsh flag with you, or at least a leek, to be allowed in.

[edit] The Holy Bible: Rev Richey James Edition

They rewrote the Bible, and greatly brought down the amount of books and chapters. It is divided up accordingly:

• Book 1: Yes
• Book 2: Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayitsworldwouldfallapart
• Book 3: Of Walking Abortion
• Book 4: She Is Suffering
• Book 5: Archives Of Pain
• Book 6: Revol
• Book 7: 4st 7lb
• Book 8: Mausoleum
• Book 9: Faster
• Book 10: This Is Yesterday
• Book 11: Die In The Summertime
• Book 12: The Intense Humming Of Evil
• Book 13: PCP

-Book 1 was originally written on the topic of the greatness of prog, but they felt that the normal Bible opening book name "Genesis" was not a true representation of prog, so they settled on "Yes".

They somehow managed to start their own genaration of terrorists! This helped them conquer the world and give us all happiness! And what a generation it was!

GENARATION GENARATION GENARATION!!

• Generation terror 1: slash nd burn
• Generation terror 2: Nat west- Barclays- midlands- loid’s
• Generation terror 3: born to end
• generation terror 4: Motorcycle Emptiness
• Generation terror 5:you Love Us
• Generation terror 6: love's sweet exile
• Generation terror 7: little baby nothing
• generation terror 8: repeat (stars and stripes)
• generation terror 9: Tennessee
• generation terror 10: Another Invented Disease
• generation terror 11: Stay Beautiful
• generation terror 12: So Dead
• generation terror 13: Repeat
• generation terror 14: Spectators of Suicide
• generation terror 15: Damn Dog
• generation terror 16: Crucifix Kiss
• generation terror 17: Methadone Pretty
• generation terror 18: Condemned to Rock 'N' Roll

we are told of another following 'send away the tigers', this is a service to well... send away the tigers! man! can they preach! this is Exactly what it says on the tin!

SEND AWAY THE TIGERS!

• 1. Send Away The Tigers
• 2. Underdogs
• 3. Your Love Alone Is Not Enough
• 4. Indian Summer
• 5. Second Great Depression
• 6. Rendition
• 7. Autumnsong
• 8. I'm Just A Patsy
• 9. Imperial Bodybags
• 10. Winterlovers

• we are also lead to believe that there is a hidden preach! and that my friend is none other than: Working class hero! you have to look for it!

HINT: leave ‘winterlovers’ running!

they also say 'know your enemy' and they tell us loud and clear who to watch out for!

OUR ENEMY'S!

• 1. Found That Soul
• 2. Ocean Spray
• 3. Intravenous Agnostic
• 4. So Why So Sad
• 5. Let Robeson Sing
• 6. The Year Of Purification
• 7. Wattsville Blues
• 8. Miss Europa Disco Dancer
• 9. Dead Martyrs
• 10. His Last Painting
• 11. My Guernica
• 12. The Convalescent
• 13. Royal Correspondent
• 14. Epicentre
• 15. Baby Elian
• 16. Freedom Of Speech Won't Feed My Children
• 17. Hidden Track

truth be truth! (that’s what they uh.. said) THIS IS MY TRUTH TELL ME YOURS!

• 2. If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next
• 3. You Stole The Sun From My Heart
• 4. Ready For Drowning
• 5. Tsunami
• 6. My Little Empire
• 7. I'm Not Working
• 8. You're Tender And You're Tired
• 9. Born A Girl
• 10. Be Natural
• 11. Black Dog On My Shoulder
• 12. Nobody Loved You
• 13. SYMM

They feel that this world must be rid of stuff, expressed in EVERYTHING MUST GO. This is the list of things which MUST GO.

• 1. Elvis Impersonator: Blackpool Pier
• 2. A Design For Life
• 3. Kevin Carter
• 4. Enola/Alone
• 5. Everything Must Go
• 6. Small Black Flowers That Grow In The Sky
• 7. The Girl Who Wanted To Be God
• 8. Removables
• 9. Australia
• 10. Interiors
• 11. Further Away
• 12. All Surface No Feeling

YET... more of their operations take place! they have made their mark on the world! and they ask YOU! to help them with their quest! (YOU can HELP!) lets praise the manics for their preachy, preachy souls! because much more is to come! lets manicly preach the streets too!

[edit] Trivia

• MC Hammer's lyric 'Check out the hook, Richard D. James wrote it' references Richard D. James, Richey James Edwards' brother from Aphex Twin.

• Richey James Edwards is serving a thirty-nine year prison sentence for littering. He will be released on parole on December 25th, 2012, barring apocalypse.

• James Dean famously took his name from the lead singer of this band. Maybe.

• The band actually got their name from James Dean busking out on his street, when a drunk passer by called him the "Manic Street Preacher". Although the words "Get off mah property, ya coont!" shortly followed, James Dean decided not to credit the drunk for this fantastic name, so making the drunk miserable from their success he blatantly protested by listening to Feeder instead.

• It's a little known fact that rather than the commonly assumed "4 REAL," Richey Edwards actually carved "Big Jock Knew" onto his arm during an interview with the journalist Steve Lamacq. He wanted the whole world to know that the large man was well-informed.

how will richey return???? well here are just some ideas!

After his best friends get all maternal, James decides to give motherhood a go.

James: My contractions have started.

Nicky: (girlishly) Ooh, ooh! Oh my God, Oh my God!

Sean:(heroically pulling up sleeves) Stand back - I'll deliver this baby!

Nicky: (pushing Sean out the way) Shut up, you fat oaf. Remember your breathing James...now push, damn you, push!

James: Nrrgh!!

Sean: Ooh, I see a head! I think it's a boy - wow, a BIG boy!

James:That's mine, you idiot!

Nicky: (camply hopping from one foot to the other, waving hands) Ooh, I'm getting all emotional!

Doctor: Here you are, Mr Bradfield. Your healthy baby son. Oh no, Mr Bradfield! You can't eat him! That's right, just breastfeed him gently...

Sean: A-coochie-coochie-coo!

Nicky: Hey James, what will you call him?

James: Richey of course, after his father. (fights back tears)

Nicky: (sympathetically) Come on James, you're a single mother now. You'll meet another man one day, in time.

James: (sighs) I know. I just wish Richey were here.

Doctor: (removing mask) Ta-da! Surprise!

All: Richey!!!!!!

........

There was jubilation today for fans of the squat Welsh pop combo 'The Manic Street Preachers' when Mr Richard 'Ricky' Edwards was found alive and well and running a fish and chip shop in Cardiff.

The Manics axe man went missing way back in February 1995, when after an exhausting year Mr Richard disappeared into the night and was seen no more, until yesterday when the special 'MSP' unit of the Welsh police finally tracked him down. " We never give up " we were told by Chief Inspector Dafyod Ieuan " We have a saying here in Wales that goes ' Does dim caws ar ol, nag oes ? - Oes mae digon o caws. ' and I think you'll find that speaks volumes about how well our search was conducted ". Since Mr Richard went missing the police have spent man hours pouring over every small detail of the guitarists last movements leading up to his disappearance and the discovery of his car. " Mr Richey James' silver L Reg Vauxhall Cavalier was found abandoned at the Severn View service station on Friday, February 17th ". Inspector Ieuan continued " We searched the car, and aside from a slight smell of vinegar and an abundance of old newspapers we didn't really have that much to go on... " It was at this point in the investigation that the English police took over and immediately put the Edwards file onto another desk so someone could have a 'quick look at it', from where it promptly disappeared. Only to re-surface in 1999 when some cleaners found the file behind a radiator. The file then found it's way back to the desk of Chief Inspector Dafyod Ieuan who sprang into immediate action. " Well, it was like this see, " he said of the final stages of the investigation " We asked about a bit, and showed some old pictures of Richard to the kids, only the kids thought that there were only 3 boys in the Maniac Street Poachers so that didn't help much. Then one night on my way home I stopped to pick up a nice bit of Cod and a potato fritter for my tea, I saw this guy behind the counter and thought 'Hello, I know his face', it was then that the penny dropped. I called for back up and then clubbed Mr Ritchey repeatedly round the head with my truncheon. And the rest is history ".

In a statement issued later Mr Edwards explained exactly what had transpired during his missing years. " For the others, the band always came first, but for James and me deep frying and batter held an almost mystical appeal. James was stronger than me, I mean I tried to ignore it, I really did, but I found myself smuggling pickled eggs and tiny packets of ketchup with me on tour. So one night in 1995 I decided to drive down to see my 'Chip man' as he said he could set me up as a dealer, I wanted out, I was depressed and I wanted to fry ". Ritchey has been dealing chips since March 1995 when he set up the Ritchey Edwards(YOU KNOW THE TRAGIC ROCK STAR WHO WENT MISSING AYE THAT ONE) of the Manic Street Preachers Manic Chip Shop just over the road from Cardiff central station " I'm amazed I got away with it for so long " he told reporters. As for the future Ritchey says he will continue with his chosen chipping career and not rejoin his pals in the band

Speaking on behalf of the rest of the band the painful singer Mr James Dean Bradford told us:

" We knew where he was all along, how else do you think you we got so fat ? ".

(just to say! i dont think the manics are fat! ok?)