March of the Penguins
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Originally intended to be a documentary about penguins, the director looked over the original movie and realized that it was a piece of crap. Nobody got around to seeing it, but predended they did. What follows is the original script, in full:
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS An original screenplay by (the writer wishes not to be named)
FADE IN FROM WHITE. Wide shot of Antarctica. Penguins come into view, and as we zoom on them, we see that the penguins are MARCHING.
MORGAN FREEMAN: These... are penguins. They... are marching... to where they will... breed.
We see the penguins march some more, and then they bend each other over and have wild rampant penguin sex. Some boy penguins get fondled.
MORGAN FREEMAN: Now... the penguins... are breeding. It's time... to wait... for the eggs... to hatch.
We see the penguins standing around in the afterglow and waiting for the eggs to hatch. This is a very long shot to be done in one take of around 2 months. After 2 months, give or take a week, we see the eggs hatch.
MORGAN FREEMAN: The eggs... are beginning to hatch.
We see the older penguins pick up the younger penguins and swim into the Antarctic Sea with them.
THE END.
After endless hours of head scratching he came up with the idea to throw in several big-name actors. With Tobey Mcguire as the man penguin, Sylvester Stalone as the girl penguin, and that guy who played Mini-Me as.....the king penguin!
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STOP MASTERBATING!!!
The movie starts out showing Tobey Mcguire's character in his local igloo in the Southern United States. Within second his instincts kick in and he realizes that he is supposed to be somewhere. Do to years of brain damage he does not remember where it is, though, so he just follows all of the other penguins. Then it hit the director that he should add in a lot of sex, figuring it would make tons of money.
After an astounding car chase seen that ended in Stalone blowing up a mutated sea-lion they finally reach their destination. After hours of odd small talk and blind dates being set up everyone has a mate, and that is when the kinky stuff happens. It turns into this huge gangbang party, everybody doing everybody! It is wild, and goes on to consume over 3/4 of the movie. When everybody is done they clean up the chocolate syrup and whip cream (yea it really was that kinky) and decide to throw a humongous baby shower. Tobey's character cheaps out on a gift, prompting Stalone's character to challenge him to a boxing match. Tobey's character reminds him that he is in a movie about penguin sex and they forgave eachother by making love on a couple other dead penguins who were killed by another penguin that was a rough lover. After several hours of some more crap there are the cute little penguin babies. After several more hours of crap the penguins spontaniusly decide to have sex, realizing that the past few hours of their exsitence had been sheer boredom. The movie end with a scence of.....oh whatever, who cares, you can probably assume that it was just more crap
[edit] About the narrator
The narrator's a pretty cool guy. He helps with the drama and emotion of the movie. However, his name is Morgan. What the hell kinda name is Morgan for a guy? Why not Tom? Or Harvey? Manny? Moe? Jack? Why Morgan?
