Marriott Hotels
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The Marriott Hotels are indeed owned secretly by the Mormons. Their evil intent is to put sniffing powder in all of their soaps, shampoos, and laundry detergent as well as in their coffee and other beverages to convert people who stay there over to the dark Mormon side.
The Mormons alone could not afford such a venture, and in 1929, they brought various trampoline companies on board to fund them. With trampolines in all of their hotels and trampoline raffles, every Mormon will soon own a trampoline. This is well on its way today, as 87% of all Mormon population already owns a trampoline. This cult is growing more and more evil on a daily basis. It is believed that in 1692, pure evil was born when the Mormon's first evil leader, King Mormo, wrote the book of Mormon all by himself, rattling off senseless bullshit. All of this evil is incorporated with the Marriott Hotels. Harriot Marriott was the evil Mormon king's wife back in the time, and together they sought world domination. They decided that by starting a chain of cheap and nice hotels, they could achieve this goal.
The Marriott Hotels are alcoholic friendly. This is because the company is drunk most of the time. They were originally named the Harriott Hotels, but because they kept getting tipsy and falling over, they added a third leg to the left side of the logo. After a while, explaining that took too much concentration (which when drunk, can be difficult). An outsider saw the logo, accidentally called them the Marriott Hotels, to which the hotels responded: I love you man!
Although Mormonism and and drunkenness aren't often thought of together, it's OK inside a Marriott, especially on a trampoline. Even Joseph Smith thought people out to have some fun.
[edit] Accommodations
For non-Mormon patrons, you get your choice of King or Queen size beds, and a for-charge mini-bar. For Mormon patrons you get a King size trampoline instead of a bed - plus a fully stocked free mini-bar. Types of patrons are segregated to even or odd numbered floors. The Mormon floors lack doors on the rooms and are heated to 90 degrees Fahrenheit to encourage nakedness and drinking cool beverages out of the mini-bar. The result is that the non-Mormon patrons hear thumping like you wouldn't believe from the rooms above.
There are also special accommodations for Scientologists. These are on an upper floor in place of one of the Mormon floors, and are almost identical to the Mormon floor. Differences include: all rooms are on an outside wall of the hotel; the windows are open without glass; the public address system constantly advises the patrons that they are in a Thetan-free zone which results in enhanced perception of the absolute clarity of the window glass; the trampolines have a computer that counts 200 deep bounces and then collapse to a 45 degree angle toward the window. At night, the Scientology guests can tell (however briefly) that the parking lot lamps have masks over the bulbs that project a Scientology cross onto the pavement with light and shadow.
[edit] Amenities
All patrons of Marriott Hotels are treated to a Breakfast Bar; depending on the type of patron, you get breakfast or Breakfast. Breakfast dining is indoors in a communal area so that the non-Mormons can mingle with Mormons and see who the happy thumpers are.
