Martial Arts
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Martial Arts are the major expressions of creativity by Martians, the inhabitants of the planet of Mars. Martial Arts include painting, drawing, sculpture, Barbie dolls and poems.
One famous Martial artist, who developed the style The Way of the Intercepting Nose, is Bruce Li.
A Martial Art that is very religious by nature, is Krav Maga.
“Fist of the Metrosexual! WHoooWA!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Karate
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[edit] Techniques
The common techniques of martial arts rely on the hand and frontal face. The most commonly known move is the Vodka Collins made famous by the eternal Andrew Carnegie (not to be confused with steel tycoon of the same name). With proper training, these skills can become deadly.
It is a well known fact that virtually any martial art technique can be enhanced by the utterance of carefully honed screaming techniques which are called "Kia!!!". Kia!!!, which comes from an ancient Javanese word meaning "to boogie down", sound like wild exclamations to the untrained ear; they are in fact precise intonations intended to imbue attacks with a practitioners spirit. Proper Use of the Kia!!! allows even the most scrawny of martial artists to defeat larger and stronger opponents.
It is also a well documented observation that a martial art ptactitioner's powers largely come from his uniform, or gi.
[edit] Uncommon techniques
The best techniques of the martial arts are the uncommon ones. People have been known to jump at a person head first and ram them into submission. Another uncommon technique is to mimick the fighing of a tiger where you hit random people who look at you wrong.
The art of Disguise: In some martials like ninjutsu, a disguise is an appearance to create the impression of being somebody or something else; for a well-known person this is also called incognito.
[edit] Explanations of the Common Types of Martial Arts
- Kung Fu- A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students of Pray Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off by men in white lab coats.
- Tai chi- An unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway. Has been described as "just like standing still, only faster".
- Shaq Fu- The art of bad basketball, Perfected by Master Shaq.
- Aikido- Origami with people.
- TaeKwonDo- Known commonly as "The Do", TaeKwonDo is the most marketed of the martial arts and relies on its followers having the flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.
- Judo (ジュー道) literally the "Way of the Jew"
- Jew Jitsu- People who fold your laundry for you----while you are still wearing it.
- Ninjutsu- The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas.
- Fujitsu- This is not a martial art, it is a brand of camera.
- Karate- The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.
- Kendo- A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with bamboo sticks and making inhuman sounds (kiai). Could be a cult??
- Lamb chops- The prominent martial art of the lamb which finally gives them an edge over the sheep dog
- Soccer Hooliganism- Don't piss these guys off
- Chinese Driving- A new martial art that has become popular in drag racing rings
- Break Dancing- The fake martial arts, for people who can't dance
- Wang Fu- Is any more explanation really needed?
- Chuck Norris- The martial art of the Roundhouse Kick, and total pwnage
- Sumo- Excessively fat people wrestling
- UberKilling-when being uber kills
- Lunch lady martial arts
- Malm Fu-malming at its finest
- Crowbar-fu- Exactly as it sounds; as taught by Gordon Freeman.
- Tae Pwn Do-Learning ta pwn dough
- Ådo- The Fisherman's Way of Aland Islands
- Dim-mak-Made up by the people of Denmark to get more known
- Deja-fu The art of hitting you into last week.
- Kung-Foo' A mixture of various martial arts practiced by african americans who hang around asians too much
- Kickboxing Crafting boxes that can kick, FedEx charge extra for delivering these.
- Tie Boxing Extremely brutal methods of packing ties into boxes.
- My Tie-Not YOUR Tie
- Mexican judo-Judo know I gotta gun, Judo know I gotta knive, homes
