Martin McGuinness
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“Fecker.”
~ Martin McGuinness
Martin McGuinness (pronounced: 'asshole') came to prominence following his marriage to Ian Paisley. At first Martin found it difficult to cope under the intense media glare that surrounded him as the spouse of Ian Paisley but he later used it to promote his interests, which included: hair curling; having his picture taken with terrorists; standing behind people and going on trips to the USA for free.
[edit] Biography
Martin began life as a leprechaun in 1888, when he sprang from a bog in County Meath, Ireland. During the late 1800's there was a great deal of discrimination against leprechauns in rurual Ireland so Martin decided to become human. He travelled to Belfast to visit the famous Banshee Kate Bush, who told him he needed to acquire magical powers and this could be done by wearing her lucky charms. She was only willing to let Martin wear the charms if he married her and moved to Dublin, where she wished to pursue a career as a singer. Being gay Martin was repulsed by the Banshee but desperate for the lucky charms so he beat her unconscious with his leprechaun pipe and stole them.
With his new lease of life as a human Martin embarked on various unsuccessful ventures until he invented hair curlers and became very rich as a consequence. In 1977 while promoting his new beard curlers at a beard conference in New York Martin met the famous beard wearer and British secret agent Gerry Adams. The two immediately fell in love and are now happily married with 3 children and live in the island of Man-Love, just off the M1 near Manchester.
Martin can often be seen these days out and about attempting to stand behind people. He has also had his picture taken with several famous terrorists, including George Bush and Tony Blair.
