Mashed potatoes war

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Mashed Potatoes War
Date January 1, 467856 b.c.-December 31, 2673 a.d. Location See map Result Complete and total victory
Combatants
America Argentina Bolivia Byzantine Empire Canada China Germany Ireland Italy Kingdom of Antarctica Mongolia Ottoman Empire Portuguese Empire Rome Russian Empire Scotland South Africa Singapore Spain Thailand Venezuela Wales	Andorra
Commanders
You	Me
Strength
Unknown	Unknown
Casualties
	A lot, but not quite as much

“This was supposed to be the war that ended all wars...the only problem was that it never ended”

~ Oscar Wilde on the war

“Grunt-Grunt-Grunt”

~ Caveman soldier at the beginning of the war

“After the battle (was over), I never ate mashed potatoes again. In fact, I never ate anything again, at least not on earth”

~ Some random soldier (interviewed in heaven)

All of the leaders of all 19 countries that were involved in the war were all standing in line, waiting to sign the peace treaty that would end the Mashed Potatoes War once and for all. Countless years earlier, the same 19 countries were gathering their armies together to fight the Great War.

[edit] Prelude

It all began in the year 467857 b.c. when an Irishcaveman sold a sack of potatoes to a caveman in Andorra. Now this caveman in Andorra had an enemy, and his enemy (while he wasn't looking, of course) poisened one of the potatoes. The caveman that had bought the sack of potatoes from the Irishcaveman mashed up those potatoes later and served them as dinner for his family.

Then, the dad of the caveman suddenly died right after taking a bite of his mashed potato. The caveman blamed Ireland for this incident, and he declare war on Ireland. However, nobody showed up, so he let it slide...for a while. Then on January 1st, 467856 b.c., he declared war a second time, and this time the whole nation of Andorra (about six cavemen) showed up and began an invasion of Ireland.

[edit] Da War Begins

On January 17, 467856 b.c., the Andorran "army" launched an invasion of Ireland.

“The Mashed Potatoes War was the first true war. Before that, individual had hit other individuals on the head with sticks, but there had never before been a full scale war.”

~ A famous historian

The Irish fought back though, and they easily kicked the Andorrans out of Ireland. The Andorrans invaded a second time, but they were pushed back again. They invaded a third time and won a battle, went up to take down Dublin and then were pushed back but the fourth invasion was a success...at first.

The Irish were losing the war at this point, so they called for help from their friends, England Scotland. The Scottish quickly came to the aid of the Irish, but the Scots accidentally had a mix up in geography, and rather than going to Ireland to help the Irish, they accidentally went south and invaded England.

This started a huge rivalry and hatred between the Scots and English that still exists today. A couple of years later, they would get their geography straightened up, and they would go to Ireland and they would help the Irish push the Andorrans back.

“When the Scots got their geography fixed, they were completely unstoppable. They just kept winning battle after battle and the price got higher and higher for the Andorrans that they just had to pull out or else lose their whole army”

~ That same famous historian

[edit] The Invasion of Andorra

After the Andorrans were pushed out of Ireland, the Celtic armies gathered up, and had a beer. After that, they gathered together again, and had a second beer. After that, they gathered together and had yet another beer. They gathered up a fourth time and had a fourth beer but the fifth time that they met, they began an invasion of Andorra.

Now back then, Andorra was completely surrounded by mountains and impossible to reach by sea, so the Celtic armies had to land in España and then invade Andorra by land. While they were in Spain, the Celts convinced the Spaniards to sit down and have a drink. They also convinced the Spaniards to fight along side them.

On January 1, 467849 b.s. b.c., the Celtic-Spaniard Army began its invasion of Andorra. The invasion of Andorra was known as the Battle of Midway. However, some historian somewhere at sometime in history (probably a Frenchman) got the Battle of Midway mixed up with a strange WWII battle known as the Battle of Kaloshiektaco, and the Battle of Kaloshiektaco has been known as the Battle of Midway ever since.

The Celtic-Spaniard Armies were extremely fierce and determined in their drinking fighting at Midway, and the Andorrans put up an equally determined and ferocious drinking problem resistance. By the nd of the 300 year long battle, both sides had absolutely countless empty beer bottles and cans casualties.

In the end, the Battle of Midway was one of the bloodiest and drunkest horrific battles in the history of warfare, but Andorra kicked the Celtic-Spaniard Armies ass. Soon, the Andorrans began a counterattack to conquer Spain and have a drink

TO BE CONTINUED...

The author of this stub freely admits being a slacker who is too lazy to follow the idea through to its painful conclusion. Do it yourself if you can be arsed.