Massachusetts
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| Motto: Пролетарии всех стран, соединяйтесь!
(Transliterated: Proletarii vsekh stran, soedinyaytes!') (Russian: Workers of the world, unite!) | |||
| National Anthem: Anthem: The Internationale or The Imperial March (November 7, 2006 - December 1, 2006)
Hymn of the Soviet Union (December 1, 2006 - Present) | |||
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| Nickname | The Gay State, Gaysrael | ||
| Official language | Spanish and Russian de facto. English is widely spoken. | ||
| Also Known as | U.G.S.S.R. (United Gay State Socialist Republic) | ||
| Capital | Boston | ||
| Government | Communist Party | ||
| President | Deval Patrick | ||
| Premiers | Ted Kennedy (D) and John Kerry (D) | ||
| National Hero | Deval Patrick | ||
| National Holiday | Martin Luther King Jr. Day | ||
| International Heroes | Pikachu, Josef Stalin, Deval Patrick, and Osama Bin Laden, Noam Chomsky, Monkey Lucifer Koon | ||
| Independence | 2006 | ||
| Currency | Soviet Rubal | ||
| Religion | Communism | ||
| Exports | Cranberries, roast beef, gay people, and democrats | ||
| Drinking Age | Depends on Deval Patrick's mood | ||
| Other State Motto | It"s pronounced Massachusetts not Massive Shits | ||
The People's Republic of Massachusetts (as of 2006) or the U.G.S.S.R. as some call it is a blue state in New England. It is comprised of three regions: Boston, "Cape Cod and the Islands", and "Westah Wistah". It is fabled as one of the most humble, self-sacrificing, and manly gay territories in the United States.
The name "Massachusetts" has caused much controversy with English speakers and Patriots, as it is actually an invention of the Mexican Zionist Cabal, introduced as part of a plot to drive down English literacy and promote their own silly made-up mud people language. A quick perusal of the world wide web confirms that this is, indeed, working. Gay Staters are great when it comes to dating. How to ask a girl out is a great way to find out how.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]
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[edit] Also known as "The... "
Sharing borders with New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, Holyoke, Massachusetts, Monson, Massachusetts, Connectthedots, Rhode Island, and regions of South Boston that are actually part of the Southern United States, Massachusetts is one of the most politically confused states in the nation. Known as the Bay State for its prodigious use of internet coffee phone to cover for a lack of creativity in the kitchen, the "land of the blue hills" has been the nation's most important exporter of truly tragic drivers for the last 50 years.
[edit] History
In 2006, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts became the People's Republic of Massachusetts, when a Communist fraction of the Democratic party known as the "Deval Patrick Campaign" started the November Revolution of 2006. On November 7, 2006 the candidate for the Deval Patrick Campaign (of course, Deval Patrick) won the election and became the Governor of Massachusetts. Patrick, an African-American, is a supporter of Gay Marriage, Inter-Racial Marriage, Affirmative Action, and Reparations. Once Patrick had taken full control of the government, he changed the name of the state from "The Commonwealth of Massachusetts" to "The People's Republic of Massachusetts". He then made the National language Spanish, due to the extremely large number of Puerto Ricans in the state. His next act as "Great Leader of the free people of Massachusetts" was to make it a crime to be White.
The state's White Caucasian population is now situated in Hampden County, which is a province of the Confederate States of America in what is now Holyoke, Massachusetts. The White Confederate citizens of Holyoke have elected Pat Buchanan their Governor, forming a rival state of Massachusetts. The Confederate State of Massachusetts is in a current on going Civil War with the People's Republic of Massachusetts.
[edit] Politics
Massachusetts became headquarters of the gay agenda in the 1990, on the invitation of Purple Satrap Barney Frank (who loves little boys), when it was driven from its previous headquarters, Hollywood, by Dan Quayle, who declared, "We don't want your faggy disco here. We're like, all into metal and shit, you queers!" In 1999, Massachusetts was declared a federally protected nature preserve by President Bill Clinton, as the last original habitat of the now-rare New Deal Liberal. Most constitutions in the world are based off the one in Massachusetts, giving the state ultimate power.
Massachusetts is populated primarily by Massholes, who are also the worst drivers ever. These people usually wear the exact same Boston Red Sox faggot attire while not knowing anything about baseball, and make inflammatory remarks about a certain New York baseball team as a way of coping with their own deficiencies (insert Bucky Dent or Bill Buckner joke here). Another type of person who inhabits Massachusetts are Communist Hippies who thrive in large cities such as Northampton and in major colleges like UMASS. Boston is also home to colleges with tons of rich kids who enjoy spending their parents' money at will.
Scott Brown, as of February 8, 2007, became the most hated politician in the tri-town area of Wrentham, Norfolk, and Plainville. He went on a swearing rampage yelling out comments from Facebook in the halls of King Philip and, in the process, three students took out their anger on him. Tom King sat on his head until he admitted defeat and now he looks like that picture.
[edit] Transportation
Massachusetts has many forms of mass transportation. These range from the T rail system in Boston to the ever enduring MassPike.
- The T: More commonly known as the "Mr. T." this high volume rail system has been transporting Gay Staters to and from their rich suburbs for about one hundred years. The system has rainbow color coded rail lines (such as red, green, blue, orange etc.) to help the local gays understand the system more clearly.
- The MassPike: In the west part of the state where all of the hills and creatures are you might notice that there are very few cars on the road, only the occasional idiot New Yorker driving his dark blue Suburban back to Albany. You'll also notice that the exits are close together compared to other states you've been through until you get to the exit for the city of Pittsfield. Make sure you get off at this exit because if you don't you'll have to drive 56 miles until you get to the next exit of Westfield. *Notice-very few people have ever actually survived the 56 miles trek; it is said that the darkness swallows up any out-of-staters. As you keep driving east you will pass through some of the most upper-class towns you've probably seen. Nowhere else in the U.S. will you see more liquor stores, adult video shops, or abandoned buildings than in Western Massachusetts. You'll also notice the very creative names for towns that Gay Staters have come up with...these include but are not limited to: Ware(where?), Orange, Peru(no not the country), Wales(no not the country), and Florida(no not the state). Once you get past the Worcester exit you will suddenly see the massive wave of cars on the highway. Be alert because the State Police pull over anyone who does over 25mph. Now you're in Boston finally, but what's this, the Big Dig is closed? That's right! Part of the roof has collapsed and the tunnel is now flooded and won't be open until Monday. Well sucks to be you I guess... just wait until Monday to get that flight out of the city.
- Logan Airport: This airport is famous for its relaxed security, snowy runways, drug trafficking, and allowing terrorists to pass through to destroy various U.S. structures.
- MassPike Tollbooths: These tollbooths are the only thing Gay Staters hate more than Yankee fans. At these booths you are required to give up anywhere from five cents to a dollar fifty of your cash to some overpaid, underworked teenager who's listening to his iPod while talking to the balding 50 year old man in the next booth. The booths were originally set up in the 60s to pay for the highway and were promised to be taken down once it was paid off. The sad truth is that they are still present and are now used to pay for either the Big Dig or Deval Patrick's gay rights funding. But by far the worst thing about these tolls is that New Yorkers don't have to pay a dime when they pass through this Massachusetts paradise.
[edit] Westah Wistah
The area Westah Wistah, also known as Holyoke, Massachusetts, is where all the rats live. Their main exports are crack and heroin and this has made this area very rich. Worthless crap like Jane Swift live in this region and they pick their noses and give the result to each other as gifts. The people along the New York border particularly don't like it when some one wearing Yankees apparel crosses the border. This is why a massive electric fence is being constructed to keep the Dorker Yorkers out. Springfield may be the worst city in the area. It is overrun with rats, roaches, and Democrats. A new exterminating service to kill all Democrats and capitalists has opened up and killed 14,000 Democrats on their first day.
[edit] What to do about those New York Drivers
New Yorkers are the worst drivers. They drive like they own the fuckin' road. They cut you off, don't signal and then cut you off again. They don't speed fast enough and they talk way too much about stupid shit on their cell phones. To get rid of them, you must run them off the road, rear end them, do anything possible to kill them, or force them to take the Massachusetts drivers test which was lowered to an age eligibility of 6 years 2 months 4 days, 6 hours, 5 minutes, and 8.386476573747565 seconds.
[edit] Cape Cod
Cape Cod is a province of the People's Republic of Massachusetts governed by Premier Ted Kennedy. Kennedy is fond of bringing women out to his boat in the middle of Hyannis Bay and drowning them. After they are drowned, he butchers the body and savagely eats the corpse. Premier Kennedy also works part time at Hooters in Hyannis.
[edit] Great things Gay Staters do
- Drive 25 mph over the speed limit.
- Don't encourage straightness.
- Don't encourage cleaning.
- Not pay their taxes (but love to raise them).
- Wear sandals in the winter.
- Elect John Kerry and Deval Patrick so they can make out.
- Drive drunk and litter while having a busted tail light and sticker on the back of their car that says, "State Troopers are our Best Protection."
- Drive Drunk (insert Ted Kennedy joke here).
- Drive Like homicidal maniacs.
- Fudgepack daily.
- Ignore the Pike tolls.
[edit] Fun facts
- The main import is Democrats because they are cheap and know how to have gay or lesbian lovers.
- It is legally forbidden for anything in Massachusetts to be straight, including roads.
- The state reptile is the Gerrymander.
- State exports:Samuel Adams, gays, lesbians, tea, and Hippie Music.
- Boston is called "the 'Hub' of butts."
- Home of Osama Bin Laden who is the best friend of drunk-ass Ted Kennedy.
- Massachusetts thinks of itself as the only state where the practice of sodomy is legal, betraying a certain youthful naivete shared among many Massholes concerning the American political landscape, specifically the activities condoned by U.S. Congress.
- The city of Holyoke (est. 2004 human pop. 35,000, rats 2,000,000, roaches 6 zillion, Democrats too many to count or for independents to care), found in the dark recesses of the area known as "West of Worcester", was once known as the world's capital for highschool notepad and paper plate making, but has improved its lot in more recent times and is now known as a holiday haven for wealthy and glamorous Puerto Rican crack and heroin dealers. In fact, the annual international drug lord convention is held in Holyoke nightly in the alley behind city hall near the corners of Dwight and Maple Street. From the late 1970s through the mid-1980s Holyoke was briefly known as the arson capital of the United States, called by its residents "Holy Smoke". It lost the title when the citizens, rats, and roaches in the city woke up one morning and found there was not much left to burn. The mayor recently touted his goal of rebuilding the city in order to regain the title. In 2006 the long suppressed White population rebelled against the Puerto Rican and Black run government. The Puerto Ricans and Blacks were easily taken over by the White mob, because they were high. The Whites, now in control, forced all Puerto Ricans and Blacks to leave. Holyoke declared independence from the United States and officially became part of the Confederate States of America. Holyoke invaded the rest of Hampden County, making it a Confederate territory.
- Ireland Parish, one of the first settlements colonized in present day Massachusetts, was discovered by early Irish explorers in 1609.
- Massachusetts is home to the shittiest hockey team, but home to the best baseball, basketball, and football teams. This is because the bitter winter weather does not provide a competitive advantage in hockey.
- Massachusetts is a long word.
- The word Massachusetts means ham sandwich
[edit] Unfun Facts
- Past governors have included Deval Patrick, Pikachu, and Godzilla.
- Northampton, Massachusetts is home to the only restaurant in the entire world with the word "Freddy" in its name.
- Massachusetts is home to the International Convention of Disgruntled Asian Employees (ICDAE).
- Massachusetts is a long word.
- Massachusetts has a Stalinist government.
- Saying the word Texas aloud in public is punishable by the death penalty in Massachusetts.
- There is no death penalty in Massachusetts
- Massachusetts signed a secret treaty with Canada in which it agrees to help Canada take over America in exchange for as much beer as they want forever, belying the fact that they are too lazy to simply buy the beer in an honest trade. In typical Massachusetts socialist fashion, they want to be taken care of at every point.
- Massachusetts students score better than those of any other state in the National Assessments of Educational Progress in math. Its rank in science is unknown, but it is probably second, after North Dakota (whose rank is known).
- Canada
[edit] See Also
- Holyoke, Massachusetts
- Little San Juan (Holyoke, Massachusetts)
- Lynn, Massachusetts
- Cambridge
- Monson, Massachusetts
- Boston Massacre
- Massholes
| States in the Northeast |
| Connecticut - Delaware - Maine - Maryland - Massachusetts - New Hampshire - New Jersey - New York - Pennsylvania - Rhode Island - Vermont |
