Massacre on the Fjords
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The Massacre on the Fjords Is the name given to the Norwegio/ Scottish disaster of 36 A.D. in which tens of Scottish and Norwegian were killed and one swedish escapologist was badly injured.
[edit] The Road to the Massacre on the Fjords
After Scotland's rejection from California and Vietnam in 6,896 BC Scotland spent a brief time with Iceland and the Faroe Islands which had become bitter because of the tyranical hand of Danish Bacon . A plot was hatched by the three islands but after a millenia of nothing happening Scotland just drifted away and settled down with England where it birthed the Shetland, Orkney, and a series of other islands.
In 34 A.D. Shetland, the oldest island birthed from Scotland, became tired of its cold climate and decided move south west across the North Sea. Due to its reckless movement, the Shetlands careered into the side of Norway within the next two years, the Shetlands were banked and unable to move. Arguements broke out all along the Norwegian coast as to who would pay the damages and whether or not the insurance would cover it. The arguments went on for days, and in some areas weeks but a settlement was no closer to being agreed on. A landmark in the events to come happened when Dylan Moran, the Irish Demi-God of rain and Tuesdays decided to take matters into his own hands. Dylan was to call upon the leaders of Norway for the conference at Papa Westrey where they were to discuss with the chiefs of the Shetlands how to settle it all without too much fuss.
[edit] Conference at Papa Westrey and the Massacre on the Fjords
The conference lasted an inhumane hour and a half at the end of which Norway would help unbank the Shetlands if they agreed to pay the damages. Over the following weeks the various shetland islands were peeled from the Norwegian coast and set on there way while the native people had a whip round to eat my ass and balls and to pay the damages and slipped the govenor an extra few quid for not getting the police involved.
As the islands were drifting back to there place of birth the govenor started shouting abuse at the departing islands. Dylan, deciding that he had enough, gathered up 5 sailors 4 paper boys and a travelling Swedish escapologist who had jumped onto the shetlands while they were in Norway and prepared them for attack. It was when this militia had boarded the war canoes that Dylan gave his famous "My way or Norway" speech which fueled the armies anger. The Norwegian govenor saw this happening and rounded up his men for attack. As the Shetland army approaced, the Norwegain army ran, with canoes in hand, into the ocean. Out of sheer bad luck the govenor had chosen the one dozen people in Norway with no geographical experience and watched as his army ran right off of the fjord cliffs where they met there end in the water. Dylan, who had no perception of depth, led his men to their doom, right into the side of the cliff face. The escapologist on the other hand had no nautical experience and crashed his canoe somewhere back in Sweden where he was wanted for theft and subsequently beaten with a stick till it hurt.
[edit] Aftermath and Remeberance
- No specific date is used to remember the massacre but every second friday in march the Norwegians throw twelve burning canoes from the cliffs of the fjords.
- J.R.R Tolkens masterpiece Monopoly is said to be based on the massacre but there is no solid historical evidence to show this.
- Scottish metal band Massacre on the Fjords take their name from this historical event as a mark of remembrance and respect for those who were lost.
- Blacktown
