Massey Vanier
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Massey Vanier was built as a place of worship by Mormon immigrants from Israel sometime in the 3rd century BC. Originally constructed entirely out of solid bricks of crack cocaine, the original building lasted only a century, archaeologists say, before the priests decided: "Fuck it, Jesus ain't coming back, let's just smoke this bitch and go home."
Two years later, the building was rebuilt when Radek Bonk appeared and was mistaken for Black Jesus. This event traumatized the Mormon's so much that they attempted to make their skin as black as Radek Bonk's - they failed at this task, and only made it kind of brown-ish, thus creating the Native Americans.
The rebuilt version lasted much longer, but was again destroyed when 500 Foot Jesus levelled North America with his hadoken. The Mormons, feeling that the Jesii had abandoned them, decided not to rebuild Massey Vanier as a place of worship, instead building a giant crackhouse out of the rubble. This building still stands today.
Officially, Massey Vanier is a highschool - but that's mostly a tax thing, as the building is used almost exclusivly to traffic drugs of various states of illegality. As such, nearly every 'student' of Massey Vanier is addicted to some form of drug, and are the children of drug addicts, and are thus complete and total redidiots (A contraction of Retard and Idiot invented, and exclusivly used, in Massey Vanier.) and assholes, which provides some very interesting incidents.
[edit] CHARACTERS OF INTEREST
- Alex "The Incredophile" Baillie, writer of things and watcher of television, man of many rolls, eater of pizza, and creator of life. Created the mysterious triple-contraction, "t'is't", which means "it is it", a phrase that makes absolutely no sense. Despite this fact, saying "t'is't" in any conversation (generally in place of 'tis and fuck you) makes you seem like a brilliant English student. His balls have taken such a beating over the years that they have developed a hard, Zergling-like carapace that protects them from harm. Once rocked out to Supertramp for seven hours in a row - that's how he rolls.
Also, he's fat as fuck, and eats his mother's large, carotene filled pussy.
[edit] CHARACTERS OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE
- Jordan Crawford is one of the least-liked people in all of Massey Vanier. Of all the people who ever cracked out, Crawford cracked out the most, often sniffing cocaine out of the asscracks of his various sex slaves while smoking a crackpipe while injecting THC directly into his blood stream via his penis (Some dispute this, claiming he does not, in fact, have a penis). Used to own a website - www.JordanSucksDickForCoke.net - before it was closed because even the ineternet couldn't cope with that sick shit. Known for his red hair, which looks like a toliet bowl after a hard night of Mexican food, and his poverty, Crawford was voted "Most Likely To Die Of Cancer" and "Who?" in his Grade Two yearbook. Knows all the words to "Come Sail Away", which he sings regularily, while wearing his Styx tee-shirt and bursting-at-the-seams leather pants. It's disgusting.
- The Crawford Crackwhore Triad is made up of Mike "I'm not fucking calling you Myke" Giguere, Pier, and Sam Sammington. Yes, no one likes them either, except Pier, who is kinda alright when he's not sauced. There is some speculation that Sam is, in fact, an ethereal being braught back from the grave to wreck havoc and such amongst the living, but accidentally possessed the body of a total pussy who likes Harry Potter. So it goes.
