Yoda
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“From this angle, her vagina can I see”
~ Yoda on Princess Leia
“I fucked Anakin. Liked my force, he did”
~ Yoda on Anakin
“Like to make fun of me, the people at Uncyclopedia do.”
~ Yoda on Uncyclopedia
“"Size matters not. Look at me, judge me by my size do you? Hmm?....Hmmmm. And worry you should not. For my ally is Viagra, and a powerful ally it is."”
~ Yoda
“Give steamy action with my lightsaber, I do.”
~ Yoda on on his lightsaber
The Verry Jew Denzel Adrien Goricle Sean Jeglad Yerfavor Forrest Denzor Yodel, Order of Jew (January 1, 83- First day of Decemberween, 4029) , also known as Yogurt. He is one of the wise old pedophile assholes in Star Wars. Illegitimate love child of Kermit, Miss Piggy and Richard Nixon he is, though rumored to be the offspring by Ruppert Bear and Franklin the Turtle - (and that's just a rumor mind you). At the request of one of his favorite hallucinations, Obi-Wan Kenobi a.k.a - "The Old Man Who Lives In His Head" - (For more hot and steamy pedifile action, click here!), young and stupid cocksucker skywalker to swamp planet went, to magical elven space frog discover. Much abuse did skywalker receive for disturbing Yoda's sexual torture of scared woodland critters. Too gay and horny was he to be bisexual like normal Jedi. Toyed much with his lightsaber young Skywalker did. Learned many tricks from his Uncle Owen who constantly begged Skywalker to stop sucking his cock in his sleep, for much enjoyment sucking dick as a young child Skywalker did. Had fantasies about being a girl Skywalker did, castrated himself many times because of this he did. Too small was his penis to be Jedi anyway, it was. Too whiney and babyish was he to learn the poop ways of the force, he was. Attempted to rape Yoda in his sleep to possess his magical gay and awesome powers confused Skywalker did, but failed. Failed the young buck had at obtaining this power, further self-castration of Skywalker ensured, it did. A great reader of Gay porn, Yoda is. An enormously huge wang, he has.
A Jedi master with an especially deep knowledge of the ways of the Force with, Yoda is. The poop often he talks about, yes. "Remember his huge head, a Jedi's strength flows from poop". Frequently would Yoda speak in such idiotic non-sequiters to his students confuse. Depleted of strength and tired Yoda was the Clone Wars during. Hide like a scared little bitch he did, while the the galaxy the Empire conquered. Later, assume the "papacy of pooping" he would.
Lie about the force Yoda did. A Jedi's strength, in truth, flows not from the force, but the Jedi's belief in the non-existant Force from . This poop is what this kind of technology was made for, it was. Also, of instant cake mix a big fan Yoda was, widely believed it is. An outrageous lie, this is. From scratch, all of his cake Yoda makes. Refuses however, to name the secret ingredient of what makes his cakemix taste so rich and creamy, he does.
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[edit] Early Life
- Main article: Kermit the Bum
Born in Oscar Wilde's back yard, Yoda was.
One of Yoda's very well kept secrets of molesting young kids. is that he graduated from the University of Chicago in 1983 with a B.A. in Economics. Yoda makes a huge effort to guard this secret because associations with Earth are looked down upon among the Jedis.
Spent most of his time on a Wookie farm, he did. He was constantly jealous of his brother, Bagel for having a cooler name than he did (he was named so because his mother saw Yoda was eating a bagel at the time of birth; "a few more seconds and Cream-Cheese, his name would've been..."). He was killed immediately upon Yoda first receiving his first light saber. He was popular down at the local bar where he entertained all the other patrons by levitating bar stools with his flatulence. His flatulence was that foul and odouress people started to refer to it as "the Force"
[edit] Meditate on this, I will?
Shrouded in mystery, Yoda's years before his training of satan are. The gay Side of Alex from knowing that alex likes children was, prevents us. Whether a troubled youth had he, whether dropped on his head he was, or whether in 1973, dropped acid the back of a purple van down by the Chicago river in he did, Yoda's mannerism and speech backwards are. All records concerning Yoda collected and destroyed by the Soviet state were, and in mystery forever will his origins remain. Whatever disinformation was lost in the ebb of time, a key player in the establishment of the Universal Hindu Force faith we know he was. Also a hit with the ladies was he, and like a horse hung, if to be believed rumors are.
The illegitimate son of Kermit and Miss Piggy, Yoda was. A green penguin lizard, Yoda is. Refused to tell anyone why he was green he did, and why backwards he talked. (It was later discovered that he was the grandfather of the green river murder, which his handwriting explains.) Elder half-brother of Chewbacca Yoda is. Have a romantic relationship with President cliton later in life, his father did. Short for a reason, Yoda is. Unlike Arnold Schwarzenegger, eat his vegetables as a child, he did not. Had sexual relations with Samus Aran, Yoda did. The son of Yoda, Gambit is. Also, the Pink Half-Yoda the end of Episode I from, one of his bastard offspring was.
Image:Example.jpg==The Teacher of gay, I am==
Curious of the whereabouts of padawan during his early life, many have been. Feel the tremors during the birth of, Yoda did. One of the seven gay Men he was. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gonn Jin, some of the other gay Men were. Dispatched by Yoda, they were. Travel into the desert they did, for bring back the young jedi to Yoda, they were commanded. Gifts of and bore they, but betrayed by the they were, and many droids they fought.
Take charge of teaching young Lucifer, Yoda did. Teach young Lucifer the syntax of talking in parables and sentences that nobody could understand without significant explanation, Yoda did. Mastermind young Lucifer' study of the Force, Yoda did. Teach him the principles of Force Heal, Force Push, -to-go-wild, etc., Yoda did. Talents which were prophesied to affect the millions by the Balancer of the Force, these were.
Learn about his death through Yoda, Lucifer did. See his death in a premonition, he did. Return to the dunp the Jedi did. Made Pope Yoda I, Yoda was.
Return to Dagobah, leaving Lucifer on Earth as a Jedi Knight Yoda did. When return to his galaxy Yoda did, find that to the Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker had fallen. Begin to wish that Jesus was with him, Yoda did. Know how that story ends, we all do...
In 1991, Return to Earth for a short time, Yoda did. Tell Lucifer how well he was doing as fag, he did. Spend a few years with Lucifer, he did; then promoted to Ninja Fag he was. The highest honor bestowable by Lucifer, this is.
OMGZZZ YODA OWNS>> ID GO HIM! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sexual relations with chewbaka, yoda had not. Han-solos penies did yoda feel.Much force yoda used with Han-solo in the aniel, damn straight.Han-solos ass did yodas lightsaber enter.Much forse yoda used.Enoy did youn Han-solo.
[edit] Red Potatoe Controversy
In 2005, reportedly accused by the IRP of murdering their former leader Yoda was. A sprawl in the world press and many critics of the accusation accused the IRP of just needing an excuse to stop their fighting with George W. Bush, this created. Deeply depressed at the IRP's accusation Yoda was, and that, once found the true killer is, have to apologize and feel bad the IRP will, in the press he stated; kind of like Jack Bauer did when he accused his secretary of being criminal in the first season of 24. He felt bad too, didn't he.
[edit] Misconceptions
"Yoda, the Jedi Master" not to be confused with "Tarzan, Master of the Apes" is, or "He-Man, and the Masters of the Universe", or "Your genitalia".
His place of origin is unknown, said it is. Not true that is. Born he was, in the small town of Marion, Michigan. Trained by Uncle Sam he was.
Yoda only over 900, in dog years is.
Yoda die of old age, he did not. Caught Ham Disease and asploded, he did.
President of South Korea, he was not. Prime minister, he was!
Eating yogurt, Yoda does NOT enjoy. Why the misconception, why? Why? Leave Yoda alone you must. No yogurt for him. Especially no blueberries.
Play a role in Happy Feet, Yoda did not.
Go to England to learn English, Yoda did not.
Have a longer lightsaber than his wanker, Yoda did not.
Play in the NBA, Yoda did not. That was Mace Windu, better known as Shaq.
Come with the little green men from Toy Story, Yoda did.
Have an orgy with the pope, and my lightsaber,, I did.
Watch porn, sometimes Yoda does. Especially Michael Jackson porn,enjoy... Yoda does.
See Han Solo's private parts, Yoda has not, Yoda wishes he has.YOU have seen Han Solo's private parts??!!!! sad is Yoda, envy you.. he does.
[edit] Relationships
- Dated Samus Aran in the past, Yoda has. Now dating Jessica Alba, Yoda is. Engaged to her, he may be.
- Enjoy the spectacle of hobbits, he does. Enjoy yoga Yoda does with his light saber and all. Yerp Yerp Sure Yoda is.
- Has also been seen with George Lucas's mum, and could be having an affair behind Jessica's back.
- Sometimes been seen, Yoda has, in 'Big Al's tiny tittie bar'.
- An orgy with Elton John, Eminem and their self respects (both of which allegedly disappeared after the 2001 grammies) it is believed Yoda once had.
- Stuff his tiny green man into Frodo's anus... Yoda has. Wish to do it again,Yoda does.
[edit] Non-sexual Relations
- Currently the top place in the "I have much better quotes" quoting competition over the lovable yet WRONG Oscar Wilde, Yoda holds!
- Noted second cousin of Kermit The Frog, Yoda is.
- To share the same voice box of the slightly less famous Fozzie Bear and Grover, also believed is.
- A close friend of Bob Marley. Love his marijuana, Yoda does.
- Believed to have taught Moses, also is.
- The great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather of E.T., Yoda is.
- Yoda was also good friends with Vader, kept his secret of being a Sith Lord, they did.
- Offspring of Cheburashka and Gena, Yoda is.
- Related to Harry Potter, Yoda is.
- Created Taco Bell, Yoda has.
- The cousin's, sister's, brother's, mother's, father's, grandparent's, gardener's, maid's twice-removed eldest son of the Duke of Bradford's guild of knight's, founder's, mother's, son of John Lennon, Yoda is.
- Father of Doub-O, Yoda is on Tuesday.
[edit] See Also, hrmm?
- Available at Unquotable, Yoda is.
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