Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/May 9

May 9: International Bastards Day,Serbia and Ring Around the Bathtub Day, United States

2800 BC - Stonehenge stolen after someone leaves the back door unlocked overnight.

1010 - Vikings celebrate the surise by declaring the new day, May 9th!
1247 - Dark Ages Peasants harness the power of marijuana, beginning the era called "The Stoned Age".
1429 - Joan of Arc entertains the English troops with a medley of show-songs from Bedknobs & Broomsticks.
1431 - Joan of Arc entertains more English troops with another medley of songs. This time from "Deadknobs and Burning-sticks" as she is set alight
1627 - Edict passed in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodelling.
1671 - Pope Clement X is killed by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for the guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume. Bono is elected as the new pope soon afterwards.
1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the Aardvark, to get the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
1949 - Abdication of the last Empress of China, Nang-Tse Sinatra.
1974 - Novelty plastic musical Bowel Movements introduced to Japan.
1989 - George W. Bush is abducted by alien invaders in an alternate universe
1991 - Small, Medium, and Large complain to the United Nations, that Extra Large is abusing its position. The UN introduce sanctions, however these are withdrawn when it becomes known that size does not matter.
2006 - MySpace suicides go up 50%
2007 - At 11:59:58 PM (GMT) May 9th pledges to arise again, one year hence!