Mayflower
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The Mayflower was an infamous gunboat responsible for the deaths of over 192,230 people. This legendary boat was one epic motherfucking son of a bitch. It served as the flagship for the first Puritan naval fleet and transported hundreds of Puritans to the New World.
It was built in 16-something, April showers. Shortly after its construction, the peaceful Pilgrims got on it. But there was an argument made about whether the Pilgrims should allow a black man on the boat. After the shooting, the Pilgrims were on their way.
Life on the boat was luxurious. There was a buffet and satellite television in every room; each sleeping quarter was 23x27 cubits in size. The boat was complete with a strip bar and sushi outlet. It was powered by the natural force of the wind and three Spaniards in the water pushing on the stern. The Mayflower was equipped with two 40mm. cannons and had several bayonet-wielding on duty at all times to keep the first-class and the poor people separated. Upon their arrival in the new land, they (the Pilgrims) used their advanced Borg technology and their naval force complete with aircraft carriers and the lead gunboat, the Mayflower, started blowing the snot out of the shipping harbors run by the Native Americans. After settling on the new land, the Mayflower became a shipping vessel, delivering arms and goods to the Pilgrims from Europe and the like.
[edit] Sinking
While docked at Cape Cod, the Mayflower was taken over by a group of Native Americans during a savage attack on which poor, defenseless Pilgrims were scalped and eaten alive by the dirty, crazy Native Americans. They skinned children, fucked their livestock, wore their skin as underwear, and forced the most virginal women into multudinous acts of sodomy before cutting their tits off with piano wire. Oh, it was horrible. No really, there were dicks everywhere.
However, the Mayflower, while docked and taken over, was sunk by the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix in an effort to kill the dirty Natives. 27 Native Americans were lost upon the Mayflower's sinking. Three survived, only to begin chewing holes in the bottom of the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix's hull with their massive monster teeth; they were later killed.
That Guy, in an attempt to win a bet against his friend, had several of his servants raise the Mayflower from the water. Months later, the Mayflower played an important role as the world's largest table as Native Americans and crackers rejoiced together in the first Thanksgiving all across New England. After dessert, the Native Americans went on a wild rampage and had to be euthanized. That Guy won the bet.
After the first Thanksgiving, the Mayflower sat at harbor and served as a casino run by the Natives. It was sunk after Rosie O'Donnell hopped on board, thus causing a loss of buoyancy balance, and causing the ship to buckle under extreme pressure caused by deck weight.
