Meaning of life
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Several postulates have been put forth concerning the meaning of life.
[edit] The Meaning of Life
People believe in many answers to "what is the meaning of life?" The following is a list of possible meanings of life:
- ...to get to level 70.
- ...to catch em' all.
- ...to be the very best that no one ever was.
- ...to get phat epic lewt.
- ...to throw a bagel party.
- ...to eat the bagels at the bagel party.
- ...to praise Raptor Jesus, for he went extinct for your sins.
- ...to praise the great Flying Spaghetti Monster and His Noodly Appendage.
- ...to slay the mightiest dragon in the darkest of all dungeons.
- ...to join every Garry's Mod website in the Universe. (Takara, eh?)
- ...to acquire as much material wealth, sleep with as many attractive women, and acquire as much power as possible.
- ...to be or not to be; but that is merely a question.
- ...to lick your elbow. Go ahead, try it. You can't.
- ...to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
- ...to eat all the pies
- ...to speak l33t
- ...to know the meaning of life
- ...Chicken McNuggets
- ...to find out what the hell we've got a spleen for
- ...to find an exception to rule 34
- ...to eat your face
- ...(From the Maquarie Dictionary): the condition which distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic object and dead organisms.
By far the most common popular answer to this ultimate question is:
- ...to follow word-for-word the scriptural teachings of a religious doctrine, and (Just like in SHIPWRECKED) get as many other people to join your religion's 'team' as possible. When the Apocalypse comes (The next one's in 2012) the team (religion) with the most members/followers wins, and become God's chosen children who will live in paradise forever. Everyone else will burn in eternal damnation.
- ...to hunt down gypsies and poke them with a stick.
- ...to watch noddy
- ...to rid the world of fax machines
- ...to eat as much cake as possible
- ...to see as many semi or fully naked women as possible
- ... is not this
[edit] 42
Other people have suggested that the meaning of life is in fact 42; this is incorrect, because according to the ASS, or American Smart Society, is "the answer to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe, and Everything" (notably, these words have a slight echo when spoken properly). Hence, the meaning of life is slightly different. We will never know the exact answer because WE DON'T KNOW THE QUESTION! I mean seriously!
Now, the simple equation is...
We must also define Everything, so...
Now we substitute the second equation into the first to get...
Simplifying it gets you...
Take "Everything Else" to the other side...
Divide by 2...
Simplify...
The final equation...
And always remember to carry the whale, it's a very common mistake to leave it out, but it's one of the most crucial parts.
Interpreted, this would mean that once one hits 21 real life kicks in and one looses track of the universe and half of everything going on in it. Henceforth, you're perpetually screwed.
To vote for 'shoodah fo' dah win'
[edit] Money
Money, while not the scientifically definitive meaning of life, is certainly the most widely accepted substitute. Money is the drive behind such wonders of human achievement as wars, religions, and pie (Apple pie has recently publicly decried any connection with money - an investigation by members of the UN is underway). Money is also Time, hence Time is money, which gets a little confusing, since this postulates that everything equal to Money is actually made of Time. Some people have speculated either that happiness and money are the same (within the limits of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle), or that happiness and money have nothing to do with each other (being non-zero parameters of a chaotic system), and others have noted that money cannot buy happiness outright, (but rental rates start at a reasonable figure). These people are spending too much time philosomophizing, and should devote more of it to making money. It is completely acceptable to philosomophize on the meaning of pie, however.
It has been hypothesized that money is not the answer to the meaning of life but is, in fact, the root of all evil. Others have speculated that, indeed, lack of money is the root of all evil. This is merely clap-trap made up by people who don't have any. The challenge that "money kills people" is easily dismissed by the fact that "money doesn't kill people, poverty kills people."
[edit] Education
While money, happiness, & pie have all driven people--and their wallets--to the point of no return, some (mainly scholars and those who didn't have the time of their life during high school) believe the meaning of life is to prepare us for another life. Only this time, our success will depend on what we learn and what experiences we sacrifice for the propelling of learning. This is, of course, crap written by a couple of very angsty and deprived teens.
[edit] Love
Though widely discredited as an invention of Hollywood and The Beatles, "love" is actually considered by some jerks to be a "real" human emotion capable "of" bonding the whole universe. However much bullshit this so-called "love" may be, it has gained a following in some religious circles, who preach to "love thy neighbor" and pray to "the Loving One." These are mostly small groups that you've never heard of, so don't worry your pretty little head about it.
[edit] Aglets (the plastic things at the end of your shoelace)
One of the few theories with scientific merit is that the plastic things at the end of your shoelace, also called Aglets, are a vital part to our existance, as many would argue. We believe that inside the modest shoelace contains an impossibly powerful bomb, capable of blowing The Universe into bite-sized chunks (tasty with BBQ sauce). This theory was proven by sir Shoelaceobsseser Von David the Third, while he was mowing his lawn. He noticed that his shoelaces were about to be destroyed by his evil and horribly poorly built lawn mower, but they were saved because his shoes had extremely cool Silver Aglets. Later, when he shared this information with his coleages, they considered the idea completely heinous and illogical. Therefore, using the Alternate Inverse of Reality Postulate, it has been proven that Aglets are essential and vital, as well as important, especially when they are Silver.
[edit] Battlestar Galactica
The recent updated version of the popular television show may in fact be the true meaning of life; everything from the tall hot blond to the crazy little asian brobot. Executive producer Ron Moore is quoted as saying, "I'm not just trying to create a show here, I am trying to create the meaning of life. We are going to have tall blond hypersexual robots that look like humans, and shorter crazy hypersexual asian robots who look like humans, there will be explosions, booze. Meaning of life."
[edit] The meaning of Life timeline II:The timeline returns
- 22 October 2006 Group Of Democrats for Finding Out the Meaning Of Life (GODFOMOL) begins.
- 23 October 2006 GODFOMOL sends White House its records. Some include Black Eyed Peas.
- 24 October 2006 GODFOMOL sends White House the meaning of life.
- 26 October 2006 The letter was a fake. Unfortunatly, George Bush's head was already in Bill Clinton's butt.
[edit] The Dalai Lama
As the leader of the Tibetan people and moderately successful sideman to James Brown, The Dalai Lama once claimed to hold the truth to the meaning of life. However, this wise and jazzy man's theory was later discredited when it was revealed that he had lied about his identity and was proven to in fact be an alpaca.
[edit] Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations and above all, avoid the salmon mousse.
This, of course, is absolute rubbish.
[edit] OJ Simpson
"your mum is dead. I'm sorry. Look if there's anything I can do here's my card....you can call me Daddy.
[edit] Evan W. Sienkiewicz
"The meaning of life is to trap kittens in laundry baskets. Oh yeah, and to kill wookies."
[edit] Dominoes
Basically every human is connected like a set of dominos, every breath you take affects some thing else. You are as important as a rock, that rock is as important as the planet Mars, and Mars is as important as a cow named Pete (and that cow is as important as the meaning of life). However because the universe is huge and all, you only affect Earth, and Earth is as important as.... absolutely nothing. The other bad thing about this is that every thing affects you, so basiclly every thought you have is just from other people, so you have no free will, fate controls every thing. So think of the universe as a bunch of dominoe sets, in the "Earth" set a rock dominoe is the same as a tree dominoe and a king dominoe, but like other dominoe sets, you can predict the fate of all the dominoes.
[edit] = Reproduction
Your dad got it on with your mom thus there you are. Fnord. What, you want more details? Okay let's go. Insert part A ( long sausage thing) in to extension slot B (hole). Vibrate, then put in the air to cool down for 9 months or so. Raise the little bugger when it's growing up and then you should have a perfect little pet, after at least 7 scoldings a year. Fnord.
[edit] Pet Cats
Cats should be pet every moment of every day. If you see a cat that is not being pet, there is something wrong here and the universe is about to cave in on itself. It's okay though, it is so easy for you to perform your godly service and pet that cat till he or she is satisfied. What do you mean there has to be more to life then this? Obviously you've never met a cat before. People think walking dogs is more important, but the truth is, dogs don't like being walked. It's true. Have you ever asked your dog if he really enjoys those little trips? What do you mean you think he enjoys it? Listen, just...SHUT UP and pet a damn cat. At least someone will be happy for a few minutes.
[edit] Shaving With The Mouse
It was found out on December 14th, 2006, that shaving with the mouse was the key to everything. It was thus proven by this formula.
[edit] Oscar Wilde on the meaning of life
In response too an eariler article on the subject, three members of the general public decided to get togther, and using little else but willpower travel back through time and space to Oxford in 1891. They then proceeded to ask Oscar Wilde what the meaning of life was, this was his response
"Well in my opinion the meaning of life is to write one or two good poems and get as much bum as one can"
This led to a drastic change in those three good mens lives, they now own a gay bar in West Kingslingston and have released several rather unsuccesful books on how to time travel using willpower and some paperclips.
[edit] The List
The List was quickly determined to be the Meaning of Life shortly after The Dawn of Man. Some people are heretics though and don't believe this.
[edit] Conclusion
In conclusion, the meaning of life is rather boring and confusing and shouldn't be bothered with. Actually, there is just no meaning to life and all those philosophers are just getting all hot and bothered over nothing. However, a more exciting (and more confusing) new philosophy was recently discovered and is highly recomended: The Meaning of Death. But as it turned out, that was a bit waste of time as well and it, in turn, caused many people to tell philosophers "next time you want to know the meaning of something, read a bloody dictionary!"
[edit] See also
Categories: Philosophy | Science | Life | Literature | Popular Lies | Religion | Secrets | Time
