Mecha Stalin

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The Year was 2080...

The Place was Western Russia...

Baldor III was on the march, and the world needed a hero...

-Wandering Minstrel circa 2100

[edit] Baldor III, Prince of Darkness

The epic tale of Mecha Stalin begins with the story of his arch nemesis, Baldor III. Born to well off French land owners in 2038, Baldor enjoyed a pampered existence. His parents sent him to boarding school in the French province of Kansas (in 2007 France got tired of being made fun of by Americans, and totally flipped out annihilating every man woman and child west of Portugal)Baldor exceeded in his studies and was readily accepted to Harvard in 2056. He worked on a Masters in Evil Geniusology, and received a bachelors in Militant Dictatorship. As a young man Emigrated to Italy "cause France is pretty bullshit, yo" and He joined the new Italian Fascist party with the slogan "maybe this time it'll work out." While living off of his Vineyards he engaged in polemics with fellow part members, in vehement arguments over party policies. In the late 60's, Baldor emerged as the undisputed leader, thanks to his charisma and large genitalia, of the NFP (New Fascist Party).In 2070 the NFP seized control of the government and launched several wars of aggression against its neighbors. The Italian army achieved quick success with its trademark move of pretending to surrender and killing everyone as they turned their backs, the Italian generals never seemed to grow weary of these antics, and perhaps more surprisingly the other European nations never got wise to the shenanigan.

[edit] Stepping up to the plate

With Italy's forces now occupying 1/6 of the world, Russia was the only independent European Nation left, besides the Vatican which was holding out stupendously against their larger completely encompassing neighbor. The Russian armed forces were in a state of complete disarray. Attempts to warn people of the Italian Threat were met with broken beer bottles pointed menaceingly at the throat and "What you taking 'bout stranger." In his Famous Speech Mikhail Vasilyavich refuted his opponents claim that Russia was threatened: "This guy, Baldor he’s a mans man, and hey why would he invade us the little tyke has probably invaded himself all out. Not to mention I have personal assurance from Baldy himself that supposed massive troop build up on our border are just customs officials, you know those crazy border hoppin' polish. Only one man was aware of the threat at hand, and that the freedom of man kind was at stake, George Bush IV. Fallowing an old Japanese legend he made his way up Mount Fuji, and in the morning hours of the sun sacrificed 7 of the lands finest steeds. In the words of Kent Brockman, "What happened next was history"

[edit] Operation Surprise Invasion of Russia on 4:00 March 30 2080

Despite opposition from his General Staff, Baldor insisted on the name for the top secret invasion of the Russian Federation. Fortunately for the Italians the prevailing attitude of total Stupid assiness in Russia prevented the Russians from taking any advantage of the revealing top secret title. On March 30 2080 the invasion took place, catching the red army by complete surprise (yes they went commie again). Despite heroic resistance pitchforks were no match against the razor sharp teeth of a Chimpbot 2000. As the 33rd mechanized roboprimate division neared the Kremlin, suddenly a dark shadow came from the North, one of unimaginable size. The Summer day of August 23 2080 was turned black as night, and the cheerful sounds of birds, gun fire, and burning partisans was interrupted by the ominous thud of steel juggernaught boots striding unstoppably across the land. As a stream of lasers poured forth from the pants shitting inducing creature, men were turned to grated cheese and armored hulks turned to tin foil scraps. The advance was halted that day and further attempts by both sides to gain territory were futile. By December half his army was frozen to death and Baldor was beginning to regret his reply to his chief of staff's warning that Russia should not be underestimated seeing as Napoleon and Hitler with the best army of their time had failed to conquer, "Hell Russia is so bullshit we'll do it in our underwear!"

[edit] Liberation

With the mysterious giant on their side, the Red Army (against its best effort) couldn’t help but push the invaders to the Atlantic by 2082. It was here Baldor made his famous last stand, which was crushed beneath the heal of the red army, literally. Around the world liberty bells were rung, and people danced in the streets. The giant now believed to be a robot incarnation of Joseph Stalin, "Mecha Stalin" was granted honorary titles from all around the world and forgiveness for his jackassness of the 1930's. It is also purported that the song "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones was actually about him.

[edit] The Truth hurts

How ever one day a small pudgy mustachioed man with a robotic arm got down from an opened hatch in the giant's ass. Mecha Stalin addressed the people of Earth in a world televised event in a rap/speech "My name is Joseph and I’m here to purge your ass sucka foo's, hehe you got played, PLAYED" he then proceeded to dance around and shout "boo yawh."

After 2 centuries of Tyranny Mecha Stalin perished of malnourishment having locked himself in the garage after a long Meth Binge.