Mesopotamia

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“Yikes!”

~ Jon Stewart on Mesopotamia

“If a slave insults the fine country that is Mesopotamia, his owner must give him 42 lashings or mighty Shamash will strike out his tongue with a bolt of sky-fire. If a free man insults it, he will be fined two shekels.”

~ Hammurabi on Mesopotamia

“Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal, and Gilgamesh”

~ Me on The Mesopotamians

Mesopotamia is often, erroneously, referred to as the birthplace of civilization.

[edit] Etymology

The word Mesopotamia is believed to come from ancient greek Μεσ' ο' Ποταμια, roughly translated as a heck of a lot of hippopotami. Greeks deny this, claiming they weren't even there when the last of these lovely animals died 65 million years ago. Their theory is that it in fact means Garden of Eden, from meso (olde Arabyc русский), eden, and potamia (modern parlance wesaþ hāl), copious quantities of pots. Some say the name means "flying bananas." Some claim that Mesopotamia was a practice civilization for the Tamians, thus Mess-up-o'-Tamia.

Of course all are wrong, since it's just another made-up word.

[edit] History

Mesopotamia, also known as "The Asscrack of Two Rivers," was founded around 4067 B.C., by Elvis Presley. It was home to many architectural geniuses, and is believed to be the location of the first McDonald's ziggurat, proving that today's Ronald McDonald, if not an Elder God himself, is at least the son or perhaps even a reincarnation of one. Mesopotamian scientists also genetically engineered the then-fledgeling leprechaun race into subservient laborers, which we now know as "Oompah Loompahs".

Mesopotamia did well for itself, conquering all rivals for the position of "World's #1 Ancient Civilization". It's demise, however, was sudden and inevitable: Mesopotamia is located on one of the world's few Polar Magnetic Neurosis Fields. While this seems to be harmless, every 9,104 1/2 years the alignment of the moon, the Sun, and other flying stuff causes a total eclipse, lasting for a whopping 8 days. Needless to say (but I will anyways), that's a full 2 days more than necessary for a infestation of grues to wipe out the entire populace. This has thrown Mesopotamia into obscurity, where it currently resides.

Also, the first recorded Chicken huffing was performed here. Since then, Athens, Rome, London and New York have vied for the title as the birthplace of true civilization: Athens first inventing democracy, coming full circle as the UN, based in New York, dismantles it. Mesopotamia, on the other hand, has remained a backward place in West Asia, its only significant exports being terrorism and oil.

[edit] Obligatory Oscar Wilde Reference

Following God's Great Act of Terrorism, Oscar Wilde, a consummate terrorist himself, terrorizing many young men to audiences all over the world, was said to have visited the hallowed place and declare: "It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to commit suicide there." This goes some way to explaining why the region's biggest export remains to this day suicide bombers. It is also believed that Oscar Wilde ate oil sandwiches in his spare time. When questioned, Mr. Wilde declined to comment.