Metallurgica
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[edit] The History
Founded in 1482 by Viking jarl Lars Olrichsson in Das Jorvik, Metallurgica was history's first truly edgy band.
The original band comprised of Lars Olrichsson on lead clubs and deerskins, Yans Hetveild yelling and luting and Lod Gant on lead lute. Lod was later dropped from the band for having too much talent and looting too much. The band is infinitely better than 30 Minutes To Your mum =) and block daddy and My Chemical Toilet and meat bread and moterbike and Panic! On The Titanic and spub 6 and Foundprophets and 50 euro and H.A.M. and enter sherbet and flood of blue and From A To B and from first to never! and Paraless.
As the band needed to get their work into the open they made a demo of their work as was the style at the time, involved in the demo were Lars Olrichsson on lead clubs and deerskins, Yans Hetveild yelling and luting, Rhan MacTavernley on bass lute and Dave Mustaine on lead lute and writing.
Metallurgica then added a fifth member, Geof Vargner singing, he was soon dropped for singing.
Due to penal-envy, Lars and Yans forced bass lutist Rhan MacTavernley from the band, replacing him with Klif von Burtsson.
When Dave Mustaine's drinking and fighting finally got out of hand Metallurgica left him passed out on the streets of London, he later relocated to Paris. Dave was then replaced with Krik Hamlet, a penniless fan from a hamlet outside York.
In 1486 the band's horses overturned in a ditch, three members came out of that mass of horseflesh, but Klif was crushed and his injuries too major to survive.
A month later Klif was replaced with Jacon Nusteed, a fan that followed Lars and Yans' every word like instructions from the All-Father.
After this point the band began to sink into mediocrity, lacking anything original most fans moved on to other bands, like Megadeth which was founded by ex-Metallurgica member Dave Mustaine.
[edit] The Hits
Hit songs from the band include:
- "Seek Conveyance Upon Thor's Thunderbolts" - Composed by Mustaine this is a classic slasher tune about thrill seekers which, after the removal of Mustaine was later remade to use Zeus in the stead of Thor in the hopes of tapping a larger audience.
- "Four Horsemen at Ragnarok" - A song proclaiming the end of the world, written and composed entirely by Hetveild, this is considered one of the greatest of all Viking Metal songs.
- "Of Wolf and Man" - Olrichsson's first attempt at Rock, this song, though well thought of by many, is seen as the end of the old slash and burn Metallurgica, and the beginning of a more mellow, mainstream band.
- "Whiskey In the Jar" - A celtic inspired song the band composed together based on folks songs they encountered during their first raids into Ireland.
- "Enter Sandman" - A song based on the celtic belief in a sandman who takes children in their sleep. It was this song that provoked Dave Mustaine of Megadeth to invent the expression sellout.
- "Pastor of Muppets" - An ode to Jim Henson and his frightful, evil minions, the Muppets.
[edit] The Crusade
It is also important to note that Metallurgica was one of the first musical groups to speak out against MP3 Privateering as perpetrated by the .communists, claiming that without proper tribute for their works, they would be unable to make just sacrifice to the dark northern Muses who favored the band
[edit] Gimli
 While on a raiding tour across North America the band encountered a small village in the Manitoba region of British North America which had a massive debt threatening to distroy the people's lives. Yans, always the humanitarian, proceeded to teach the Viking ways to the near by people and lead them on several raids to the close by, more successful cities, saving the almost ruined economy of Gimli. To honour their great teacher and leader, the citizen of Gimli created a great statue of Yans in his honour. Enscribed on the statue are the immortal words of Kevin Ross , "Once a douchebag, always a douchebag" To this day, once every year, the citizens of Gimli still pillage the near by cities of Selkirk and Winnipeg. |
