Mew
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|  This article needs liposuction! | 
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| This poor old lady is not in her better shape, but we wish we could trust your swift hands to bring her back to her former glory. We mean rewrite it! |
| Mew | |
|---|---|
| Japanese name | Myuu |
| Stage | Basic |
| Evolves from | Primordial Ooze |
| Evolves to | Modern Pokemon |
| Generation | First |
| Species | All of them. |
| Type | Psychic |
| Height | No-one cares. |
| Weight | No-one cares+1 |
| Ability | Synchronize |
| Next Pokemon | Torchic |
| Previous Pokemon | Mewtwo |
Mew was the first species of pokemon to crawl out of the primordial ooze, and also the longest living. It came to life the same way we did, and technically, we evolved from it. ("w00t! MEW EVULVED INTO MODERN MAN!11!1!11"). It was born after the universe was created by Arceus, leaving one big mystery: Mew is a pokemon, from which all others are descended, but also Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, Azelf, Uxie and Mesprit all came before it chronologically. This has made Mew a quantum paradox, and we all know what happens to quantum paradoxes, don't we?
HINTY CORNER: We do.
As such, this leaves many questions about Mew unanswered, although a fat cancerous creationist was available for a comment, claiming "God did it. You're going to hell." However, no intelligent people could be reached for any comments on this mysterious mystery of unsolvable mysteriousness that taunts the human psyche with it's mysterious mystery.
Wait!! How come if we are all descended from mew, and mew can be caught by master balls, than we- mmmf ARRGH HELP..... <<author of this few lines gets kidnapped by mysterious agency>>
[edit] Mews and Quantum Paradoxes
Mew society is a quantum paradox.
The mysterious mysteries surrounding the way Mew's breed is endless and mysterious. One has suggested they breed through parthenogenesis, but that's too big a word for it to be real. Mew's are genderless, but there is supposed to be one left, but no-one knows where this only one is except for people who call themselves "The Player", and they all claim to have a Mew. This creates more Quantum Paradoxes.
Mew has the basic DNA of all pokemon, because they all evolved from him/her/it and thus can do anything any pokemon can do even those who came before it. However, this creates more quantum paradoxes.
[edit] So what's up with these quantum paradoxes, good sir?
Well, this is the question scientists have been asking for a long time. It's a question older than sex. The solution is to burn all mews, obviously. In fact, this is the reason for mews being near extinction, or whatever. So mews were burnt for being quantum paradoxes, even before they were, and because of this, we must go back in time to stop ourselves from creating the first quantum paradox in the first place, but this creates more quantum paradoxes and WHEN WILL IT END?! IN FLAMES?! SOMEONE TELL ME!!!
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