Michael Owen
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Michael Smug Git Owen was born in Wales on 21st January 1989, sharing a birthday with Bruce Forsyth, James Blunt, Baby Jesus, Chris Moyles and Chris Jones. He is a professional footballer who lies regularly on the physio's table for Newcastle United as well as sometimes getting injured playing for England.
There are rumours he also plays football rather than being injured, however this theorys are normally ignored as "ridiculous". He is well known for competing in the "who is the most boring English football player in history" tournament with Alan Shearer. This competition has lead to 63 deaths as of 2008 and has been widely condemned by the Church, Government, and Helen Daniels of Neighbours fame.
[edit] Early Career
In his youth, young Michael Owen could actually run (YEAH). He did this very quickly and attracted the attention of (at the time) all-conquering Liverpool FC. Owen was a predigious talent and much coveted. Liverpool hit hard times and had to look for a new rising star replace the aging stalwarts Ian Gash and John Couldnthitabarndoor. In 1897, at the age of 206, Owen got into the Liverpool first team and scored on his debut with a penalty against Brill Hill Geriatrics. He stunned defenses with his incredible pace, lack of facial hair and pubic and also caused some confusion with defenders not knowing whether they should ring his mother to tell her that her son was sneaking out again.
[edit] International Stardom
In 1998, Glenda Hoddle, the England manager surprised the footballing world by calling up Owen for the World Cup, even though he was still at primary school. Despite scoring against Romania and stunning the world with a wondergoal against Argiecheaters he was to leave the World Cup in tears, crying for his mum to tell him a bedtime story.
Owen later left Liverpool as fans grew impatient at his inability to grow a perm and naff moustache as well as a disgracefully clean criminal record. After escalating attempts to frame him for pinching hubcaps, stealing petrol from his neighbour's Ford Cortina and even sending prank allegations to tabloids that he was a quality footballer, he was forced to claim asylum in Madrid.
During his spell at Real Madrid Owen enjoyed a remarkable injury free season. This was largely down to Owen never actually starting a game for Real Madrid. He did score some goals though, but yes, when no one was watching, generally in that 80'-90' slot. The striker was instead given a place on the Real Madrid bench so he could watch Goofey, the Brazilian. After one season in Spain, the Englishmen was carted out to allow Real Madrid to sign more Brazilians.
In 2005, then Newcastle boss Souness signed the striker for £16m believing another expensive and crocked player was the anwser to his side's lack of goals. Newcastle consequently made a series of farmyard animal based signings, with Norman Pig, Ronald Sheep and Benny Cow bought into the squad.
[edit] Film Career
Michael Owen has also attempted to become a film star. He recently finished filming in Germany for his film Gone in 60 Seconds, which was about an England striker who takes ages to recover from a broken foot and then gubbs his knee within 60 seconds of making a comeback for his country.
The film co-starred Peter Crouch as the Empire State building. However the film crashed horribly, clearly writhing in agony, was carried away without much fuss and was not missed. A cartoon version, starring Shrek was announced, but failed to live up to the public's expectation.
