Michael Shermer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Michael Shermer (1954 - ) is a leader of a small, but powerful a-religious revivialist group in America (known as the Secularist Movement) whose stated mission is to return America back to the secular roots from whence she was immaculately conceived. He has written several books including Did Somebody Just Say They Were a Christian?, and The Secret Conspiracy to Bring God Back to Life.

[edit] About the Secularist Movement

The Secularist Movement is known for its sometimes perplexing insistence on such things as the Right to Privacy, teaching the theory of evolution in science classes, and mandatory gay marriages.

As Hegel's upward spiral has proven many times over, societies are constantly reinventing themselves in bigger and better versions of themselves with each passing generation. America is no different. As America is slowly unshackling intself from the vestiges of the Middle Ages and the Enlightment, The Secularist Movement moves to restore the slightly rusty beliefs in rationality and equality.

[edit] Trouble with the Movement

The past few decades though, has brought a general swell of conservative sentiment in American society to the horror of the secularists like Michael Shermer.

“We need to get'em while they're young. If we wait until college, they're already lost.”

~ Michael Shermer on The Take Away Their Children Campaign

Michael Shermer has been upping the pressure lately, leading scores of young, nubile men and women to college campuses nationwide to pass out literature about the dangerous of declining morality of American society.

"Kids these days look at this literature and mock us or throw it in the trash. It's really, really depressing. I mean it. It's like, a total downer, man."

~ Michael Shermer (prior to his second suicide attempt)

[edit] Modern Developments

Although the Secularist Movement by all accounts is knocking on Heaven's door, figuatively speaking, it must be noted that Secularists have a long and storied history in America.

Following in the tradition of past well-known atheists such as Boris Karloff, Thomas Edison, Thomas Jefferson (sort-of), Albert Einstein, and Dwight D. Eisenhower as well as a host of other American Heroes; atheists like Michael Shermer have always held a special place in the heart of the American psyche.

Although Michael Shermer has been occasionally reprimanded by moderates like Pat Robertson for using scare tactics in an attempt to upset the delicate balance between a Judeo-Christian citizenry and the requisite secular government needed to maintain liberty for all individuals, atheists are a warm and welcome addition the Great Melting Pot of North America.

Michael Shermer was contacted for his input in the writing of this publication. I asked him what his feelings were on the fading importance of his non-church. He said (well, more like screamed into the phone and then hung up):

“God is dead. I killed him. Deal with it.”

~ Michael Shermer

Spoken like a true American Hero.