Mike Patton
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Mike Patton (born Michael Pattonton III, January 27, 1968 in Los Santos, San Andreas) is an American musician. He is best known as being the vocalist, dentist and Team Captain for rock group Faith No More from 1988 to 1998, but has also handled frontman status with bands such as Mr. Dingle, Native American Axe, Dillinger Escape Piano and Fanta. He is often involved in side-projects, back-projects and under-projects, most notably Car Trees, Bombastic Clock, Lovage Handles, and I Think Satan Likes Your Mom.
Patton is notorious for his wide range of vocal styles, and it is rumoured that he can emulate the sound of the Earth revolving on its axis with nothing but a hoarse whisper.
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[edit] Early Years
The son of single parent John Zorn, Patton grew up listening to nothing but experimental Japanese noise and Jewish folk songs. When he behaved especially well, Patton would be locked in the closet and forced to listen to hip-hop and lounge music until he fully understood what it meant to have ears. This helped in the cultivation of Patton's love for genre-bending and small, enclosed spaces.
In 1985, whilst in hospital recovering from over-exposure to Klezmer, Patton met 40 aspiring musicians and with them formed Mr. Bungle, "for a laugh". Upon realizing that the music of Mr. Bungle was too powerful and advanced for the human race to handle at that time, he burned his own house to the ground and joined Faith No More.
[edit] With Faith No More
The immense success of Faith No More led to Patton delevoping strange behaviour in order to cope with the stress of being on tour for an entire weekend. This behaviour included, but was not limited to, putting shoelaces on the floor, speaking slightly louder after midnight and walking sideways for short periods of time. Bandmate Chuck Mosley described the experience as "enough to make me want to leave the group and get replaced."
In the early '90s, due to their hit singles 'Rap-Rock (We Invented)' and 'BloodSugarSexEpic', Faith No More became so commercially successful that Patton decided the only way to retain any credibility would be to murder all of his fans. When this plan failed miserably after a botched attempt to kill Keanu Reeves, the disgruntled vocalist scrapped the idea altogether and retreated to a secret underground bunker with nothing but a microphone and some scissors. Subsequently, Faith No More only managed to get half an album's worth of vocals out of Patton before officially disbanding in 1998.
[edit] With Mr. Bungle and Other Bands
Now free to do whatever he liked, Mike Patton brought all 40 members of Mr. Bungle back together with the idea that the world was finally ready for their colourful music and experimental temporary tattooos. The band's debut sophomore-followup to their second-to-last EP, entitled simply 'Self Titled', literally blew critics away. Each copy of the CD came with a sound-activated hand grenade, which would explode upon the disc being played (providing the volume was up). What followed was a succession of hit albums, each featuring similar gunpowder-themed gimmicks, with popular sounds magazine Rolling Stone describing the final LP, Calivolanto , as being "so indispensable, you'll be sick everywhere without it." Recently he is touring with a champion beatboxer and a crap dub band, under a name which escapes my mind at the moment, but is a reference to being perverse.
Patton, having also been a part of Fanciful Pastries, They Mike Be Patton, The Björk Concept and many more, now holds the world record for Most Musical Projects Pertaining to One Person. This is a record so grand, that it has gone far past the Guinness Books, and has entered a league of its own, The Vodka Book of Drunken World Records.
[edit] Recent Production
Since 2005, Patton has been working on an album made entirely from ideas (that is to say, it has no music on it whatsoever, but the concepts behind the silence are detailed thoroughly in the accompanying booklet). The album, along with a Live VHS, is scheduled for release in late 2020, after numerous other projects have sufficiently slowed down its production.
In early 2006, Patton announced he would record " Gruntin' N Groanin' "," I've really put together some sweet grunts n groans " when asked about his new studio album. Patton said he has laid down some sweet synth lines, " But it Doesnt Matter! The grunts overpower that bullshit! ". This is the biggest thing to happen to the waning caveman rock genre since poisons fifth farewell tour.
Mike Patton continues to hate anything digital and is in the process of dismantling the internet.
In 2008, Patton released his latest solo album, I Am Legend. The sounds recorded on this album were so powerful they caused everyone on Earth to mutate into a vampire clone of himself. The only person to survive was wolfmother fan Will Smith.
[edit] Quotes
“Why has Anthony Kiedis got two pages?”
“Auck auck cha! Kek-kek-kek-kek Auck-CHAA! ”
~ Mike Patton
“Woo-HAW! Wooo-HAW! Auugh!”
~ Mike Patton on receiving the GQ Magazine Manboy Of The Year Award
“Forgive me, but WOLFMOTHER, YOU SUCK!”
~ Mike Patton on Wolfmother
[edit] Selected Discography
with Faith No More
- Introduce Your Elf (1987)
(Mike Patton features courtesy of Doc Brown & A Time Travelling Delorean)
- The Ally McBeal Thing (1989)
- Live! In Your Shoebox (1990)
- Angle Crust (1992)
- Fool For a King, Life For a Daytime (1995)
- EP of The Fortnight (1997)
with Mr. Bungle
- Mrs. Bungle (1991)
- Self Titled (1999)
- Shelf Tilted (2000)
- Soft Tittied (2000.5)
- Shaft Tittilated (2000.7)
- Master Bangle (2001)
- Red Hot Disco Shoes (2002)
- Calivolanto (2003)
with Fantroma
- Music From The Toxic Avenger (1998)
- Music From The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2000)
- Music from Wagons East! (2001)
- Delerium Cordial (2002)
- Fantomas hangs out with The Wiggles (2004)
as General Patton
- Bizarre song titles that are so long they break iTunes (2003)
with Lovage
- Music to make love to your Grandma by (1999)
with I Think Satan Likes Your Mom
- Master Of Drunkards (1987, guest lead vocals on "Eyes Falling Apart")
with Tommyspork
Solo
- Adult Themes for Fart Noises
- I am Hypocrisy (The Wolfmother Incident)
- The Oscar Wilde Dirty Sanchez sessions (2006) (Bootleg)
[edit] Trivia
- He has a huge dick.
- And that dick's name is Chuck Mosley.
- Patton once wowed an audience in Milwaukee when he allowed his dick access to the mic. It proceeded to do a stunning rendition of Simone and Gayfondle's 'Bridge Over A Stream of Urine In Your Face'. Critics were not impressed however, claiming that the dick was fake, and was in fact merely Chuck Mosley in disguise. Milwaukee is now off-limits due to hazardous radiation.
- Has the ability to recognise talent, which he often surrounds himself with, in order to make him appear as a genius.
