Mike Piazza

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“He's gay too?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mike Piazza

“My name is Piazza, not pizza. But I like pizza, ok, I guess. Don't call me Pizza or anything. I mean, it's not like I've ever heard that one before.”

~ Mike Piazza on  Mike ,,FUCK

Piazza

Mike Piazza is a tool. Like most tools, he resides under dark sheds where the people who built your current house mercilessly slaughtered Indians 25 years after you were born.

Mike Piazza is also well known in Japan for being a Kara-inu which are a tiny breed of louse that are hugely unpopular by Japanese standards. Because it is very hard to get the goat of a Japanese, one must often use a pool cue or a CutCo brand Spatula Spreader. These things are tools.

Mike Piazza died in 1975, shortly after saving the world from Keith Hernandez's cocaine-induced rampage.

[edit] Trivia

Mike Piazza has also gone by the names Mike Chaeeseburger and Mike Piad Thai. He says it really depends on what he ate for dinner the previous night.

Mike helped the New York Mets to win 5 World Series rings, 12 National League pennants, and 72 cookie baking contests, but that only was second best when Fred Phelps won 7 world series, 17 national league pennants, and 94 cookie baking contests. Also, God hates Mike Piazza, according to Fred Phelps because he is Gay.

He enjoys long walks on the beach, fancy resturants (especially the Olive Garden, because he's Italian) and he absolutely loves cottage cheese.

He is also the first baseball player ever to wear lipstick to a game. On purpose...not even a single dare.

He also played for the Niggers, but he was let go for saying the N-word too much.

Mike Piazza fought Darth Cannibal, formerly Tony La Russa in 1964 because of using offensive words to him.

Mike Piazza often has sexual fantasies of John Elway when his alcohol level is 4x the legal limit. John Elway eventually killed him in 1975 for uttering that on national television. This somehow ended the Vietnam War and brought in the age of "boy bands".

[edit] Unrelated Relatives

In the year 1990, the odd question of... "Oh! are you related to Mike Piazza?" began to reverberate across the U.S. as people, (the Piazzas) with the once unheard of last name, suddenly became almost famous. Thus began the dark ages for the Piazza lineage. Where all pretensions of honesty were thrown out the window and lies began to consume any shred of Truthfulness left in their collective souls. It was estimated that Mike Piazza's relatives grew in number from just under 400 (1989 US Census) to well over 15,000 by 1999 when official records ended due to the obvious number of false responses. An official RURT-MP "Are You Related To Mike Piazza" undercover investigation discovered that when asked, every single Piazza claimed some relation to the famous Chiropractor in Lodi, California.