Mike Tyson

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“Handsome fighters never lose battles.”

~ Vega on Being proven wrong by Mike Tyson

“He called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

~ Mike Tyson on Mike Tyson

“Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah!”

~ Mike Tyson on Mike Tyson

“I play the flute because I am the pied piper to all you bitches. You follow me because I play that flute in a mean way. Watch me march into that ring and put your nose through your brain. I will stomp on your testicals with my boot. I don't even know what that means but I know I'll at least punch your face in.”

~ Mike Tyson on leadership Ricky dilzen 15:52, 19 October 2007 (UTC)

Michael Gerard Tyson, AKA "Iron" Mike Tyson (born June 30, 1966) is a former American World Heavyweight boxing Champion, as well as WVBA Champion and world renowned cannibal. He is currently working as a mild mannered reporter and humanitarium under the guise of Drederick Tatum by day while fighting crime on the innercity streets of Brooklyn, New York by night.Mike Tyson was once thought to be King of the Shower Curtains, but that was a theory soon discredited when he was found at a party attempting to kill Ultra Jesus over a matter concerning Nicholas Cage. He later went on to train with fellow he-pimp, Apollo Creed.

He is Rosa Parks' 3rd cousin although he really has not done crap for Civil Rights. But I guess it makes sense because the Rosa Parks you are thinking of. The Rosa Parks he is related to is not the one on the bus that wouldn't let MR.Whity I mean the Caucasian guy sit down.

1 Early Years
2 Becoming the "Iron Man"
3 Mike Tyson's Hobbies: Eating Chinese Babies Eye Balls
4 Career
5 Trivia

[edit] Early Years

Mike Tyson was born to Hillary Clinton and Bruce Springsteen B.C. 4000. He was made fun of during grade school years for his speech impediment, until one day during lunch in the third grade he bit off a fellow classmates penis and was told to drop out. He did so only after beating the crap out of 148 girls in his class making him the world heavyweight champion. He lost the heavyweight championship later that month to a nearby lake when attempting to tread water. He was saved by Sir William Wallace right before drowning.

[edit] Becoming the "Iron Man"

On August 12, 1983, while working part-time at a steal mill outside Adsbury, New York, Mike Tyson was hit by a break away I-beam and thrown into the smelter. Tyson, in his autobiography "Life: It Tastes Like Chicken", notes how he found renewed faith in Captain Crunch while trapped in what had seemed like an inevitable doom when a meteorite crashed through the smelting pot striking Tyson in the heart. Mike awoke several days later in a nearby veterinary clinic with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Dazed and confused he struck a cow with such force as to cause its head to explode; it was his first boxing victory.

[edit] Mike Tyson's Hobbies: Eating Chinese Babies Eye Balls

Mike Loves those little balls. Or well Eye balls. He put his favorite ways of preparing the tasty treats int o his 2006 Cook book: Eating Eyeballs from Babies of Asia. THE EASY WAY

[edit] Career

In 1987, Mike Tyson joined the WVBA and quickly rose through the ranks, defeating puny opponents like Glass Joe and Piston Honda in a single blow. However his first challenge came when he met with "Super Macho Man" Randy Savage. He finally defeated Savage after 2 continues and went on to face Joe "Mr. Sandman" Frazier. The fight against Mr. Sandman proved to be Mike's defining moment in the WVBA World Circuit. When a reporter caught up with him in a restaurant in New York, he asked what exactly he planned to do to the 284 lb. Sandman. Tyson quickly replied "I want to eat his children"... but when the waiter pointed out that Mr. Sandman's children were not in the menu, the disappointed Tyson was forced to order the chicken piccatta. Fight night came, and Tyson came out on top after biting Mr. Sandman's left ear, tearing it off and spitting it out at the crowd. Tyson Remained the WVBA World Champion until a 120 lb. kid named "little mac" beat him in a 2nd round TKO, cheating with start-button uppercuts and incredible speed. Ashamed, Tyson decided to leave the WVBA and head for greener pastures.

1989:
- December - "Iron" Mike Tyson vs. Bill the cat (Madison Square Garden)
  - Although Mike Tyson bumed over 4096 ( Amish children), he only had 3048 convictions, mostly with former girlfriends.
Tyson has recently revealed his motive in biting the ear off of Evander Holyfield. "Evander and I are great friends, he's a nice chap. If it only were not for the abnormal growth on his ear. Sorry to say I bit a bit more off than I could chew." Tyson has also been seen at a Church of Scientology.
Lost the heavyweight championship to Frederick "Bust-a-Move" Douglass after mis-placing his gerbil "Lemmywinks". Lemmywinks was later returned by Richard Gere.
Starred in many pornographic films, including "Backdoor Boxer", "Backyard Boxer", "Backseat Boxer", and of course, "Brokeback Boxer".

[edit] Trivia

Revealed, during a pre fight interview against Lennox Lewis, the he was in fact the Dragon of the Book of Revelations.
founding member of Mike Tyson's Flying Circusses.
Tyson's novel Gelato Boy. was the leading best seller in Sudan.
Tyson was once reported sipping tea. Being bad at interviews, he ended up sinking Atlantis when looking for his kitchen.
Is the submissive member of a man-on-man relationsip with "The Original Tough-Guy", Richard Simmons.
Tyson currently lives at home with his mom, inside of two giant grapefruits sewn together with Heavyweight Championship Belts.
Had a childhood dream of becoming the first white "Dolemite".
Mike Tyson's motto: "It's always better to give than to recieve, even if you have to choke the bitch to give it to her."
Was once convicted of Kitten Huffing, but was let off with no fine and slightly sodomized.
Most famous quote: "It tastes just like chicken!"
Tyson's favorite book is The Count of Monte Cristo
Mike has a mysterious baby that will surely destroy the world.
Mike Tyson went on proving he is the greatest boxer by assembling 100 boxes on top of each other.
Mike enjoys ballroom dancing, and is currently a member of the "Bitchin' ass Ball droppers" group in Canada.
Enjoys eating ears for breakfast
Is a famous Shock Victim in the world of sports.
Is black
Wears tighty whities not boxers
Eats cheese twice a day
Plays the Flute
Played Major General Stanley in The Pirates of Penzance
Why does Mike Tyson cry when he has sex? From the pepperspray.
Once punched a man in the face
Ate someones ear so he could hear what his insides were saying