Milwaukee Brewers

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“Yeah they suck, but they suck with beer”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Milwaukee Brewers

Brewers Hall of Famer Robin Yount

“That fucker still owes me money!!!”

~ Gary Sheffield on Bud Selig!

The Milwaukee Brewers play in Milwaukee, Chicago's largest suburb.They are led by Ned Yost, an evil worshiper of Pikmin that will try to destroy us all!!! They became the Milwaukee Brewers after corrupt demi-god Bud Selig kidnapped the team from Japan with the help of Wedge Antilles, Mr T, Jack Bauer, Rainbow Brite and Samuel L. Jackson. (Jackson was there simply because the others didn't swear enough). Of course, Selig being a Dark Lord of the Sith, kept all of them under the belief they were helping a third world country. This act is said to be Japan's reason to bomb Pearl Harbour....That and Ben Affleck's bad acting.

Later Selig managed to over throw the commissioner of baseball and install himself in his place. From what is known, this act of taking control of the baseball galaxy was where George Lucas came up with the story for Revenge of the Sith.

==The Brewers way== (The NL Central Bitch Way) Because Selig has never wanted to spend any money on this club, the Brewers have adopted a system of keeping the club running without having to spend a cent.

• Step 1) Have a good player on the roster
• Step 2) Trade said player before you ever have to pay them for at least two minor league players
• Step 3) Put the Two or more minor league players in the big league roster and watch them fail
• Step 4) If and When these players start to develop into decent players, TRADE THEM. without question. Quickly before they ask for their paychecks.
• Step 5) repeat process and piss off the fans (What do they know, they're drunk.)
• Step 6) It doesn't matter how you do, just as long as you beat the Cubs.

The Famous Tap out from JJ Hardy that lost him and brother Matt Hardy the Tag Team Title

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?? IM THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!

[edit] Good Players that have played for the brewers (and never got paid)

• Gary Sheffield, an outfielder who thought he could play third base and first runner up of the biggest prick in baseball award.
• Geoff Jenkins, hardest working redneck in baseball. Not to be confused with Leeroy Jenkins or Brett Favre, although Favre and Jenkins were Separated at birth.
• Robin Yount, He is actually Bernie the Brewer.
• J.J. Hardy, Jeff Jr. (J.J) is a former world wrestling tag team champ with his brother Matt Hardy Does J.J. make YOU hardy?
• Prince Fielder, Son of the-fielder-formally-known-as-prince. Don't get in his way at meal time, or he'll eat you like a Grue.No really, he did it in the Minors
• Teddy Higuera, Teddy isn't his nickname, in the 80's, the brewers were so short on pitching, they put a teddy bear into pitch
• Scott "PO" Podsednik, Winner of the Im too Sexy for this club award and nephew of Edgar Allen Poe
• Jose Hernandez, Perfect example of a lazy Mexican. Sat out the last 8 games of 2002 because was quote "oh man Im so tired man"
• Mark Loretta, Currently was involved in the million year Yankees/Red Sox war. Our thoughts go out to his family.
• David Krynzel, Fell off a motor bike and lost his arm. When management asked him about it, he replied "No it's not, it's just a flesh wound"
• Najeh Davenport, The Green Bay Packer took a dump in his college girlfriend's hamper...right in her dormroom. I know he isn't a Brewer, but that story belongs in this article.
• Dave Neilsen, One of very few to actually get paid by Selig. This was due to him being a devout follower of the Sith. He then took his money back to his native Australia and created his own Selig by buying and destroying the Australian Baseball League.
• Tyler Houston, The imaginary friend of Jose Hernandez. Hernandez came up with him during a seista after watching Fight Club while missing the last 8 games of 2002 season
• Hideo Nomo, Japan's other revenge on Selig. While pitching for the Brewers, Nomo flew 8 kamakazi missions......(too far?)
• Paul Molitor, Ever wonder why he always looks happy and relaxed? He still has a Crack plantation behind the left field stands.
• Damian Miller - actually Fred Phelps in disguise. Shh!
• Manny Ramirez-was traded to Boston after he tried to sell Selig's grill on ebay
• Ryan Braun aka the Kid from Cannan- A Jewish super hero playing for Brew Crew. Not to be confused with Jesus.

[edit] The Fonz and the Brewers

Popular former Manager, Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli

During the last seventies, Darth Selig hired Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli as manager of the brewers. Very soon Selig regretted this decision. The Fonz straight away earned the respect of the players. Fairly soon the team started to actually win games. This of course conflicted with Step five of the brewers way. As the team started to win the fans became happy.

Soon the Fonz was considered one of the best managers in baseball. He would win every argument with umpires and opposing coaches simply by saying "aaaaaiiii". Also the Fonz became popular with the female brewers fans which in turn made the male brewers fans happy that the female fans were at the game. Selig knew that he had to act fast. The brewers way was in danger. He quickly fired Fonzarelli and replaced his with Fonzarelli's bench coach, Scott Baio.

This started the years of Charles in charge and the brewers fans were pissed again, keeping the brewers way alive to this day. Despite many offer from other clubs, the Fonz never managed another big league club. Instead he left the game happy and with half of Paul Molitors 1982 crop

[edit] Hope for players who haven't been paid yet

Carlos Lee All Star Hitter and Nutorious Cow rustler

Recently in 2045, Selig sold the club as a way to throw off the Jedi council, who were getting wise to his plans of domination. It was sold to a Mafia gang warlord by the name of Mark Agniassio...nnatopa....lopez...ma......A guy named Mark. One of Mark's first orders of business was to keep career leg breaker Doug Melvin as general manager as well as getting in Cow rustler Carlos Lee to play on the side. But Melvin was forced to trade Lee after he and Lee's agent coundn't agree on a contract extention. Lee's agent was after a small country. Melvin was offering a pack of gum.

Mark being a made man has promised the people of Milwaukee that the money he and the family take from them will go back into the team at some point. What point that is, is still unclear. Two players did come forward looking for back pay, but since they did, Nick Neugbouer has not been seen. When Mark and Doug Melvin are asked Nick's whereabout they only ever say "he said he had to go shopping for some cement shoe". The other player to ask for pay, Mike Jones, has since become the most injury prone player in baseball. The once talented pitcher has managed to break his arm, leg and fingers a total of 998 times in the last two years. All the injuries he said happened when "he fell down some stairs". But still Mark's promise is hoped to be fulfilled in the future.

[edit] External links

• Possibly the Brewers should be lucky here's our rally song of whatsoever