Minnesota

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“Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and Canada.”

~ Garrison Keillor

“Snow White is from Minnesota.”

~ Captain Obvious on Snow White

“I hated living here, yet everyone who lives here worships me.”

~ Bob Dylan

“WTF Why does everyone think it's cold!? I know what it is! That stupid Fargo movie! FARGO TOOK PLACE IN NORTH DAKOTA DUMB ASSES! Really says a lot about America.”

~ Skyler

“I'm tired of these motherfucking lakes in this muthafucking state”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on "the snakes in a lake state"

“AHHA! looks just like Lake Superior!! Yea sure ya betcha it does.”

~ Minnesotan on The Ocean

State Flag:	(The state flag of Minnesota. The two men represents Larry Craig with another man toe-tapping in the men's airport restroom.)
State Flower:	Snow
Official Language:	Minnesotan (Englishy but mostly the in twin cities Metro Area, correct grama more) (< loosely translated to: Like English but, around the Twin Cities Metropolitan area, it is more correct in grammar.)
State Bird:	The Canada Goose (seriously, they make, like, twenty percent of the bird population)
State Motto:	Fuck, it's cold... (winter motto) Fuck, it's hot... (summer motto)
State Anime:	Lucky Star
Nickname:	Geological region in static possession of 1 x 10⁴ large, landlocked, naturally occurring stretches of water.
State Capitol:	Wherever the nomadic government wagon train decides to stop for the fall
Standard MPH while driving through town:	-1
Seasons:	Winter, Road Construction
Official Sandwich:	BLT (Blueberry, Lutefisk, Turnip)

Minnesnowta is home to the infamous Siamese twin cities which cannot be separated as they share a liver. Minneapolis being the city that is slightly less boring than its neighbor city Saint Paul, where bars close at 9 PM.

Lately, Minnesnowta had a foreign exchange agreement with the nation of Somalia. Minnesnowtans ship out their Communist idealogues like Al Franken and Leon Trotsky in exchange for people with dark skin. People of darker skin tones were a major curiosity in Minnesnowta after the arrival of Kirby Puckett and Kevin Garnett into the state. However, Minnesnowtans haven't yet realised that Somalis plain out suck in any sport that doesn't involve kicking a round ball.

Lately, Somalia has frequently asked for their citizens back because even Somalia can't take Al Franken.

1 Weather
2 Minneapolis
3 Population
4 Lakes
5 Shovels
6 Famous Minnesnowtans
7 Minnesnowtans no one cares about
8 Places
9 See Also
10 External links

[edit] Weather

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Minnesota.

The weather in Minnesota is known to be ungodly, with temperatures in summertime usually reaching about 451 degrees with a dew point of 104 and in the wintertime, temperatures dipping to 40 below and with wind chills of -110 degrees.

Tornadoes litter the state's landscape in May and June. It's not unusual for the weather to be unseasonable. There was once the great Labor Day Snowstorm of 1989, the 1999 Thanksgiving heat wave where temperatures reached about 91, and the great Martin Luther King Day Hurricane of 2007. Altogether, these have taken the lives of fifty thousand Minnesotans.

[edit] Minneapolis

Minneapolis (AKA Murderopolis) is a city in southern MN that really no one cares about. (Cept the drugs)

[edit] Population

While Minnesota is commonly seen as welcoming to all races, the diversity you find is truly very limited. On one side of the scale, you have the Scandanavians and Germans. These tall, blond, and slightly deranged people encomapass the majority of the population. On the other side, we have the Somalians. However, as the Scandanavian population thuroughly outnumbers the Somalians, the public transportation system is pitiful to say the least. Now, between the Scans and the Soms, we have the inbetweenies, more commonly known as hmong.

So this diverse population constitutes the entire population, with the exception of northern Minnesota, where you do get some people from Canadia.the Minnesnowtans supposedly like to call them "Canadian Idiots."

[edit] Lakes

Minnesnowta contains over 1 billion lakes which are frozen-over 6 months (winter), and evaporated 6 months a year (Road Construction). Legend has it that these lakes were created by the footsteps of Paul Bunyan as he stomped through the state, maliciously cutting down trees. This, of course, is all hogwash! Scientists believe that the numerous lakes in Minnesnowta were actually created by a large meteor storm. This meteor storm was likely an early attempt by God to get rid of the pesky and annoying insect, the mosquito. As it did not quite do the job, the end result has been that the mosquitos now have an even larger breeding ground.

[edit] Shovels

Every Minnesnowta house has at least two shovels -- a large plastic shovel for shoveling snow, and an even larger metal shovel for swatting mosquitoes. Occasionally, some Minnesnowtans can been seen using snowblowers to remove snow. All native Minnesnowtans know that these imposters are not natives and are simply immigrant wannabe Swedes (or Norwegians). In areas with a lot of mosquitoes (everywhere), there is also a shovel used for digging graves for all the mosquitoes that have been swatted, eaten, blowtorched, vaporized or harmed in any way. Norwegians (or Swedes) are experts at mosquito genocide; despite this, there are always more.

[edit] Famous Minnesnowtans

Joel, Mike, and the 'bots
Garrison Keillor, former professional wrestler
Tammy Faye Bakker, drag queen and Avon spokesmodel
Cardinal Jesse Ventura, the Body, Future Pope of the Ring
Paul McCartney, Lumberjack
Faye Newman was born 19/06/88 and is really lovely
Walter Mondale, vice president, Japanese Ambassador, and big loser to Ronald Raygun.
The artist formerly known as the symbol representing the artist formerly known as Prince
Randy Moss
Eleanor Mondale, hostess of E!, reporter for CBS This Morning, and the shortlived LIVE! With Uncle Remus and Eleyanor
The Guy Who Went Through The Wood Chipper In Fargo
Snoop Dogg The one who told Jesus how to become famous
Al Franken More commonly known by his nom de guerre Stuart Smalley
Alberto "Bertie" Rossinelli, an Italian Sausage in charge of the 'Meat Mob'
Lord Chueington, born 0 B.C.(Before Chue), also known as 1990. He also invented sleeping.
Paul Bunyon That guy had a huge ox if you know what I mean.
Hubert Horatio Humphrey vice president of the United States, and the inventor of the Metrodome. Better known by his ring name Triple H
Sven
Ole
Lars
Kirby Puckett, best known for his sexy legs which enabled him & his team to win the only baseball game Minnesota ever won
Allen Boromeo a.k.a "the person who is in line, you weirdo's you freaks"
Don La Fontaine............V.O.G (Voice of God, or the movie trailer guy.... In a world where deep voices creep the hell out small children............
Orange Geuce, wow! an Uncyclopedian from Minnesota!

[edit] Minnesnowtans no one cares about

Vash the Stampede, wanted criminal
Neil Gaiman, Magical Goth King
Bob Dylan, probably sung music or something like that.
American Head Charge, see Bob Dylan
The American guy who was in Monty Python. You know, the one that hipster douchebag in your film studies class is always going on about.
Zachary Klicka, the fatass from Cambridge.
kaploy9, he took a door-stop from a camp.
Lena
Prince

[edit] Places

Carleton College
Saint Olaf College (Non-blondes need not apply)
Fargo
Sven and Ole's Log Cabin
Cleveland
The Lake Park Ghetto
My House
St. Paul (Formerly known as Pig's Eye...no really, I think they named it after some dude with an eye disease thing...yeah...)
Bloomington, Home of the Mall of America
Yer mom (yeah she's big enough to be considered a location)
New Prague, known for its over population of lesbians, retards, and horrible boys sports teams. The cities population consists of hicks, wiggers, farmers that think they're smart, and lesbians. Oh, did I mention lots of lesbians?
Juno but no one cares.