Mischa Barton
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“I don't care how funny she looks, crack whores make me horny”
~ Oscar Wilde on Mischa Barton
Mischa Barton appeared fully formed under a rock and was sold to a circus shortly afterwards and featured in an act known as the "The Dancing Rake" named because of her rake like appearance and personality. Since her rise to fame she has become associated with the Mischa Barton / Béla Bartók Controversy.
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[edit] The OC
The OC producers kidnapped and had her sign a contract stating that she join the cast of the live action drama suspiciously similar to Saved By The Bell (distinguishable only by the latters liberal consumption of tacos). She was told she could eat once she learned how to act. She was found soon after on the hood of a Eddie Murphy's car where he had left her after he realised she really was a chick.
[edit] Marriage
Mario Lopez seduced Barton with the promise of free laxatives, soon after she gave birth to the great Eskimo actor, Jennifer Love Hewitt. The marriage soon turned stale once Lopez slugged Barton after she called him "Washed up". She awoke in a bathtub filled with ice-cubes, her tacos had been removed.
She won custody of baby Love Hewitt who by now became famous for 'breast acting', a trade in which you did not act, but your breasts did, her breasts soon became a Hollywood powerhouse, appearing in such feature films as "Suck My Foot" and "Larkin' With Lisa: With Sexy Results".
[edit] Demise
Barton's career was not so successful, the OC, now on its -13th season has been cancelled due to its lack of hard hitting storylines such as "Marissa eats her own face to pay for a face job" and "Marissa and Summer strip for pork chops" the latter won an Emmy for 'Best Series with a Pork Chop Related Storyline' and three "Choppys", the industry's most coveted pork chop award. When asked if she's ever eaten a pork chop she simply smiled, took a hit from her crack pipe and said "Pork chop, isn't that like a shoe?" she was carted of to the Courtney Love Institute for Criminally Insane Crack Whores Who Drove Their Husbands to an Early Grave. She resides currently there, rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
