Miss Piggy
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“There isn't much work these days for people like us”
~ Miss Piggy on Being refused part in sesame street.
Jamie Lee Piggles (born November 5, 1962 in Tennessee), also known as Miss Piggy under her working nickname, is a famous drama actress and film director, mosly notorious for her work on the early 90ies mystery show The Muppets: Come Die with Me, written and directed by David Lynch.
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[edit] Early Life
During the early years of The Muppet Show TV series, Charles Henson was searching his brains for a character that young girls could relate to but, as he had not been a young girl himself for many years, did not know what they wanted. To research the needs of this audience he gathered a group of 12 bright young inner city girls together to run a market study group. After several hours of tedious discussion, he discovered that the girls related best to other young girls, and so butchered the study group and sewed their skins into a female muppet. And so, Miss Piggy was born.
Unfortunately, Miss Piggy's childhood was a hard one. She spent much of it on the road with her creator, touring the country and disposing of the bodies of his young victims. Eventually the emotional strain became too much for her and she resolved to eat herself to death, although she changed her mind after realizing that she couldn't reach most of her body with her mouth. Instead, she engaged on a junk food binge that eventually left her overweight and penniless.
[edit] Later Life
Miss Piggy never returned to television after the show's run, except for a brief gig on All My Children as a love interest for Bianca Kane, although she did try out for certain roles, including Paulina Cory on NBC's Another World, and the role of Maria on Sesame Street. In the case of the latter, the producers opted to go with a taller brunette. In 1985, Miss Piggy was arrested for loitering in the men's washroom at a New York airport, but the case was thrown out of court when officials and her lawyer, Count Chocula failed to prove she wasn't male..
[edit] Muppet Rights
In the late 1980s and 1990s, she became heavily involved in Muppet Rights. She accused the Muppet Show's producers of undue hardship and torture, stating that as a 3 year old girl, she was forced to perform a wide variety of physically demanding stunts, many of which were outright dangerous. Many of her fellow muppets were children at the time, and once they were old enough to realize how unfairly they were being treated, they were forcibly exiled to China or South Asia, where the governments have amnesty protection for the differently-textured. Miss Piggy, being half pink-skinned was able to stay in North America longer because she has familial ties and was slightly more understanding of the racism against "Muppet-skins"
[edit] Kuwait
In 1999 Miss Piggy moved to Kuwait. The Middle East is well-known as a safe place for both muppets and pink-skins, where neither one is a majority. Sesame Street's Ernie is also known to have moved there.
[edit] Down With the Muppet Skins!!
In September 2001, a political group called Al Qaida attacked the World Trade Center as a protest against Muppet-skin censorship and ongoing genocide in North America. There were no human casualties in this event, as the people in the buildings were given adequate warning and nobody was allowed into the building after 5:00 PM, the day before the attacks. Unfortunately, George W. Bush hyped up the disaster to a huge death toll, and still refuses to acknowledge the existence of Muppet-skins as part of the human race. Miss Piggy has remained in hiding since that time, as she fears what would happen to her as a Muppet-skin if she were to return to America.
[edit] Miss Piggy and Kermit
Miss Piggy was married to Gonzo, as many know. Though, her and Kermit the Frog had a love affair, and held a late-night adult show on Pay-Per-View, entitled, "Love Swamp." Around that time, Gonzo found out about it and got pissed off. It resulted in Miss Piggy shooting Gonzo, leaving him temporarly paralyzed from the cock down. Miss Piggy served a portion of her original sentence given to Judge Lance Ito. It was revealed later that Miss Piggy was released after agreeing to have a threesome with O.J. Simpson and Mr. Miyagi of the Karate Kid.
[edit] Miss Piggy Today
As of today, she remains in a coma as a result of Ivan Drago beating the living fuck out of her for being an annoying sociopathical psycho bitch. Drago had enough of her bullshit and uttered the words "I must break you" before unleashing his Russian fury, proving to the world in the process that he is still a bad ass motherfucker after getting his ass kicked by Rocky. Her death is inevitable, and if she dies..she dies.
