Mission Impossible III
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Mission: Impossible III | |
|---|---|
| Directed by | J. J. Abrams |
| Music by | Wagner |
| Editing by | Some scissors |
| Release date(s) | June 6, 2006 |
| Running time | 12600 mins |
| Country | United States |
| Language | Klingon |
| Budget | $2USD |
Mission: Impossible III is a film starring Katie Holmes' husband and the black guy out of Dawn of the Dead.
Carrying on in both the tradition of the Mission Impossible films and all of JJ Abrams' work thus far, the plot to M:I III makes no sense, unless you are very smart. Like, Einstein smart. Or high.
[edit] Synopsis
Ethan Cunt (Tom Cruise) has retired from being IMF head chef, wanting to have a quiet life with his Russian mail-order bride Julia (Michelle Monaghan).
The chick Ethan was banging on the side, IMF waitress Lindsey Farris (Keri Russell), gets kidnapped by Truman Capote (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and his Evil Giant Forehead (played by Patrick Stewart). He agrees to participate in a quest to rescue her and meets his team consisting of the manager out of Bend It Like Beckham (Jonathan Rhys-Meyers), Marsellus out of Pulp Fiction (Ving Rhames), and the token foreign chick (Maggie Q). They rescue her, then her head explodes from all the CGI used in the chase scene.
Cunt then decides to go after Capote himself, targeting him at a meeting in the Vatican City in two days' time. The mission is not cleared by Cunt's superiors, Morpheus from The Matrix (Laurence Fishburne) or IMF Food Director Muskrat. Before leaving, Cunt tells Julia that he is going away on a business trip, which she believes (stupid bitch). Before he leaves he stages a fake wedding. Which she also falls for. Ha!
The race is then on as to who will get the Rabbit's Foot first, the key ingredient to becoming the greatest chef ever.
Oh, and the guy out of Shaun Of The Dead shows up. For, like, 2 minutes. I only went to see it 'cos he was in it. Fucking rip-off.
[edit] Critical Reception
Upon release, the film was almost unanimously panned by critics, who cited their dislike at the "well-written human drama" and "gritty realism" that JJ Abrams brought to the film. One critic also pointed out the use of hatches throughout the film (some internet conspiracy theorists say there is one in every frame of the film) to closely resembled Lost, Abram's best-known series.
Patrick Stewart, however, won an Oscar for his realistic performance as Philip Seymour Hoffman's forehead, reviews saying that the two actors chemistry was the film's only redeeming feature.
Stewart spent a year prior to filming going around as Hoffman's forehead, playing uncredited roles in films such as Capote. He had to work out an hour a minute to get his arms strong enough the cling onto Hoffman for such long periods of time, and he spent $12 million on plastic surgery to make his back have wrinkles that look like the sort you'd get on a forehead.
Categories: Cleanup | Films | Movies
