Mitsubishi

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“The People who brought you World War II!”

~ Oscar Wilde on On Mitsubishi

"We bomb Pearl Harbor! You buy our cars!"

~ Tojo on Mitsubishi

"I just took two hits of Mitsubishi Ecstasy..."

~ Pablo Francisco on Mitsubishi Ecstasy

One of the greatest emperors of Japan, who came after Nintendo The Electronic. Even though he emperored (He's actually the first emperor to actually emperor Japan, other emperors didn't emperor at all) Japan for quite a short time he succeeded in making great things, like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time... No, wait... that actually was Nintendo.

[edit] His life

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mitsubishi.

[edit] His Politics

one of mitsubishi's high performance lancer devolution models

Mitsubishi has always been seen as a predecessor of Antiamerican Capitalism and a leader in the fight against corruption. He was the one to say the very well known words: "No moll lies". Witnesses to his words say that it sounded as if his mouth was stuffed with feathers, which often occurs after a Chicken Huffing session. Understudies on the subject argue about these words, the principal debate being about their true meanings. Three fronts had arisen, plus two sides and one back. First of all there's the "He meant no more lies front V 1.0", which considers his words as a great criticism against lawyers, politics and teletubbies. Then, there's the "Breakfast variety front", which claims he was giving the first great step to International Breakfast, Saying for the first time in Japan's history "No more rice". There's also the "Heavy metal front", which claims he was just chanting "no more lies" by Iron Maiden and makes sacrifices of young virgins to the great lord: Bill Gates. We won't tell you about the sides, because nobody really cares about them... And there's the back, which say that even though he was talking about rice, he was talking about its quality, claiming "No Mall Rice", a clear hint towards transgenic rice. This back is called "The Austin Power's Is Quite Hairy, He Should Be Tarred and Feathered Back".

[edit] His transformation into a multinational automobile manufacturing company

Emperor Mitsubishi was also known for trying to invade America with Toy cars which look like real cars, are used like real cars and spend the same amount of energy as real cars. It was known as the Mitsubishi Toy Car Strategy. Unfortunately, the plot was unsuccessful due to the fact that the Toy cars were cheaper than the real ones and did nothing wrong to Americans, besides making them spend lots of money when they needed to be repaired. Mitsubishi started to feel sad about this, because he felt like an international company. His mind became so obsessed with this idea that he actually underwent newly researched cybernetic surgery and was turned into the Mitsubishi Motors Factory in Japan, in the year 1912.

the practical mitsubishi grandis MPV

[edit] His Ecstasy

Really good ecstasy. Take one and then ten hours later, take another. If you take two at the same time, one of two things will happen. You'll either go to jail, or you're gonna die. Good news is, you'll feel really good.

[edit] Just One Supporter

A small, shiny-haired boy who dubbed himself "Mitsubishie Kylecollie" was an avid fan of Mitsubishi's Toy Cars. Often spending his time boxcutting replicas with another girl from childhood school, "Mitsubishie Kylecollie" developed social skills and gundam modeling prowess. These skills contributed to his only claim to fame. "Mitsubishie Kylecollie" is credited with discovering A-0 Forumula or Awesome sauce which is a rare bi-product of engine fuel used for A-1 Formula Racecars and still drinks it to this day.