Mockney

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Mockneys are a subspecies of Cockney, evolved around 20 years ago on the set of Eastenders.

They are mainly found in and around Reading. However highly ashamed parts of the West Midlands and The People's Republic of the East Midlands have been known to house very small populations of Mockneys - but they quickly disappeared after The Proper Midlander Association formed a vigilante group to eradicate the pest problem.

[edit] Religion

Mockneys are known to worship various Mockney idols such as Danny Dyer, Jamie Oliver, Lily Allen and the entire cast of Eastenders.

Danny Dyer, although widely believed to be the Original Cockernee, is in fact a 900-year-old hermit from a cave in Stornoway, who after discovering the hypnotic techniques of David Icke resolved to (as he states in a quote from his book This Is A Book Wot I Wrote Cause I'm Well Cockernee, Yeah), "bring forth a new era of blind obsession with beer, football teams and market 'staws', for this once puny and really rather Jewish race of subhuman primates."

After publication of this book, which no actual Cockney bothered to read, and no actual Mockney had the presence of mind to, the sales of merchandise for East End football teams such as Shadwell and Wapping (immortalised in the harrowing Punch and Judy tragic play "Ping 'Im!") skyrocketed.

"Mockney Slang" was also invented by Danny Dyer. It and its speakers quickly became the BBC's second favourite ethnic minority group (after Canadians), and its flagship show Eastenders was named for the part of London which Mockneys consider sacred.