Moe Spenzetti-Ricardo
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Moe Spenzetti-Ricardo (August 10, 1986-August 15, 2005) was an affluent person that was never properly credited in the history books, yet George Bush knew him well. Wonder why.
Contents |
[edit] The early years
Born to Mrs. Yyvetta and Mr.Jim Spenzetti-Ricardo, he was orphaned at the young age of 2 because his parents were killed by a mafia war. His parents were well-known members of the notorious Swahili Mafia, and some investiations point to the ringleader of the family, Rico Suave, as the person responsable for the death of Moe's parents. He was exported to Fredricksburg, VA where he lived for 9 years before being adopted by an upper-middle class, childless family bearing the surname of Veon. It should be noted that these Veons bear no relation to the Quaker Oats ancestoral family, the Vyveons. It was with them he lived with until they were eaten by a llama on a visit to the not-quite-so-local zoo in Vienna, Sausage. He was 18 then, and he inherited not only the ~$200,000 from his foster parents, but several millions that mysteriously were found belonging to his biological parents.
[edit] Life Alone
He set out to live on his own, moving to Los Angeles and buying a condo, where he got a college degree in obscure, rather silly animalzooology. He became fascinated with conservitive penguins which live in the Galopogos Islands. He opened a zoo right besides a liberal democrat donkey zoo that kept only conservitive republican penguins from the Galapogos. It was an instant hit, and someone even went so far as to clone Moe in secret and make a cult devoted to these penguins and Moe. Moe soon became bored with them, as he really wanted to be an entrepreneur. He founded a company that manufacures all those japanese manuals you see in otherwise non-japanese things. They were an instant sucess, and it was bought out by the Austrian Blimp Co. for $800,000,000 and 2,000,000 limited shares.
[edit] Floridian Moose
One day Moe read about the 3 new mountain ranges that were made during a huge revolt led by clones on the eastern shore. They were the Florida/Georgia Alps, the North Carolinian Andies, and the New Yorker Range. The Floridian Alps were remarkable because they are made entirly of facial tissue and the foundations and buildings of cities along the range. A new speces of moose was also made, and the Overly Cultured Society of Culinary people-like-things sent Moe to get one and taste it.
Moe proceeded to buy an amateur flordian moose catching Austrian blimp. (It was a blue light special, he just couldn't pass it up!) Then, Moe had to buy some Austrian fuel, because it was an Austrian blimp that needed Austrian gas. Now, the reason Moe got a blimp is because the lower parts of the Floridian alps were laden with clones of Al Gore, so it was virtually unpassable terrain until the great Democrat Cannibalization Act of 2004, but that is another story.
After Moe got his €8.75 per litre Austrian fuel, he went to get a bellows. The flordian moose do not have a typical solid corpeal form like most other animals; it has a gas form, so you must suck up the moose with something that sucks. Then, he got ready to launch. He took some bait (toasted SPAM) and his invisible friend, Jim, and got in his Austrian blimp. When he got in, he discovered that he forgot to inflate the blimp part. Then he had to go back to the store to get some Austrian helium, which happened to be €4.96 an ounce. After Moe got all of his blimp stuff ready, there was a report of a flying toaster storm, which caused Moe to have to put the blimp up, lest it pop. Now that the blimp and Moe have weathered flying toasters and Austrian everything, they finally get started on their trip to the florida alps.
Due to cost-saving mesures, the blimp, now christened the R.P.un-über, launched from Mt.Zookieskweirzktilermenkovenkashetmenlincolnbrauschtysnekonvatronventouyr, or Mt.Zsweiler for short, in the Georginian Alps instead of the South Carolinian Andies to save on gas.
After they had launched, it started to rain carp. Now, most blimps don't have anti-carp shields, but in Austria it rains carp all the time, so it's only natural that Austrian blimps have anti-carp shields. After it started to rain carp, one of the pilots had a nervious breakdown about how an Austrian blimp would have instructions in japanese, and he needed a partial lobotomy, then he was better. After everything was back to normal, the carp stopped. All was silent except for the slight hiss of the engine. After they passed into the general area of the Floridian alps, everything changed. The democrats were being unusually obnoxious that day, and they were throwing miles and miles of red tape at Moe's blimp. Now, normal blimps don't have a major problem with red tape, but Austrian blimps pop at red tape. So, naturally, Moe's blimp popped. (Years later, Moe found out that it wasn't red tape at all, but it was a particularly speedy june beatle which declined to comment because june beetles do not have mouths.)
After his blimp popped, he had to use his parachute, a hair dryer, and a 120 volt AC battery to propel himself so he wouldn't become one of the Al Gore's meals.
When he was out of the clone's range, he then went to the nearest blimp-o-mart and got an American blimp. He then went to get gas and air, among other things, and realised just why that Austrian blimp was a blue light special. In the long run, it cost him three times as much as getting the American blimp situated, inculding crew members. (The old ones fell into the Gore's hands, we may never know what happened.)
When Moe finally got back to the Floridian alps, he was greeted by the democrats with tons of Mc-Donald's coffee, which didn't reach him.
When he got to the top of the florida alps, he set up his hydraulic bellows. He waited for about 3 hours until he found a flordian moose. His moose detector made a shrill beeping noise and then some very burned toast popped out, shriveled up, and burned.
He turned on his hydraulic bellows immediately and waited. After a few seconds the bellows whistled and tooted a bit and spat out a frozen blob, a flordian moose. He took the moose home and then he ate it. He submitted his experience to the Overly Cultured Society of Culinary people-like-things, and was summarily mailed a cheque for $400.
[edit] The Demise
Moe's experience had changed his life, but he did not know that it had also changed his cellular structure. After a stretch of time where Moe was completely forgotten, he appeared in a Chicago hospital, covered in blood from head to toe and missing his left nipple. He died later that night, but the body was stolen by the The Loyal Slippers Of Moe. No formal investigation was ever made, as it was decided that it would be a lot easier if it was just left as it was. Moe's entire fortune and estate was donated to the moon.
