Moldova
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|
----
| |||||
“Very Nice”
~ Valentin Castravet on Moldova
“In Soviet Moldova, cold catches YOU !!”
~ Russian Reversal on Moldova
“I once met a Moldovian. I was immediately roundhouse cicked in the face by him for he was Chuck Norris”
~ Ray Charles on Moldova
Moldova is a modern Empire which doesn't recognise the independence of Romania. The name was stolen by Moldovans from Romanian Moldova Principality.
[edit] Economy
The economy of Moldova is being measured in Goat Domestic Product which is currently 7, although the Prime Minister doubts the statistical validity of the study. He claims the Cow Domestic Product should be added in, as well as the Sheep Domestic Product.
In the past Moldova used to cultivate grapes, however all grapes grown in Moldova are currently sour, lacking the sun that shines only over the prosperous Tiraspol.
In present year of 2008, Moldovan economy recorded record agro-industrial output of three vegetables and one fruit. Minister for Agricultural Output for the Republic of Moldova, Vasile Pingu, applauded collective farm 12 for exceeding production quota and awarded state distinctions sincere. Minister for Agricultural Output for the Republic of Moldova, Vasile Pingu, announced that production quotas now so high that European Union wishes to join Republic of Moldova in integrationist confederation of agro-industrial nations to facilitate economic flourishment.
- For Sale: Republic of Moldova, call me 0690070xx
[edit] People
Moldovians breed some of the most ugly people in the world. They are all pimple faced big nosed brutes. Some scientists have attributed this to the long time tradition of Moldovian mothers feeding their children cow manure due to the scarcity of food because the Russians took it all to feed their Jews.
[edit] Current state of affairs
Moldova is worldwide famous for being the only country with two currencies, three official flags, borders inside the country and 3 presidents - all of them elected democratically. Right!!!!!... ;)This and not only is an indicator of high democratic values in order to express the true will of the people.
Undoubtedly, Andrei Bolocan is the ugliest man alive! (unfortunately, he died last tuesday in a dog-crash and hearing his troll..erm..."son" had died from food poisoning after recently being fed cow manure. Andrei claims that it was dog food).
[edit] Flag
Flag of Moldova is not presented here due to violation of copyright. It is the same as the flag of Romania with photo of unknown pedophile (Octavian Blaj) in the center. This photo is sometimes claimed to be moldavian coat of arms.There also have been attempts to steal Romanian anthem, however due to international cataclysm caused by this unthinkable act of aggression the Moldovans had to look forward to “Their Tongue”.
[edit] State Bird
The state bird of Moldova is nonetheless the flightless bird of nonflight the Dodo. The dodo has a long history with Moldova although it went extinct several thousands of years before the fellowship.(dodo is also the main transportation method in Moldova)
[edit] Geography
Moldova is bordering the Atlantic Ocean to East and the Pacific to the West, being a multinational secular state with respect to all national minorities - these have recently been allowed to go in public without a blue hat. But still women can not vote during the Eurovision song contest.
Nevertheless, except krAjder, aGurcik (most success business woman in Moldova, made 50bani (0.01pence) in one year for prostitituting to babboons!), Gnilka(russia's spy in Moldova), Tsugurt (hot girl < Right!!!! ;) but she not for sale (too hideous), Buddha and The CIKI group, there are no more relevant Moldovans left in world. Andrei Bolocan is too ugly to be part of the top. He is overwhelmingly out of the competition. A blind man recently had has vision restored and died instantly of chronic diarrhea after he saw Andrei's face.
Note: Andrei Bolocan, alias bolo, alias bula cu p, is a national political leader, having his Master in Ancestral Distortions, with a PhD in geomegafracturational fecundation. He is famous for his newly published book, called "Buddha and other Moldavian economical minorities". He not for sale as well. We preserve him and proud of him: lowest IQ and ugliest man in the world in the world.
Iekshimesh.
[edit] People
You know you are moldovan if:
All of your acquaintances have relatives that work abroad illegally.
Eating spaghetti with bread is absolutely normal!
You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes.
You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
Not many nations in Europe may have a better idea (on the national level!) about the difference between the European Union and Schengen Agreement area…
You have (or at least will have soon) more than one passport (Not many nations will accept your ugliness).
You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
A new tax being passed by the government is simply a cover up because the end of the world is really coming anyway.
All your children have nick names like "Bubba-the-Rapist", and grow up to be registered sexual offenders.
You never read the instructions of some new high-tech sex toy that you buy, discovering new features even after months/years of usage with a horse.
Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though you are 300 kilos overweight and have a stroke every time you breathe.
Girls can't have boyfriends when they are 17 but they have to be married at 18.
You and your friends have at least once been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for sexually abusing the waiter.
Your mom recycles plastic cups and paper plates, and sandwich bags by washing them and.
You (or your parents) have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
Your mom ever chased you with a rolling pin or a broom telling you to stop so that she could hit you.
You're twenty years old and your parents are trying to send you to Romoville to get you married cause your old.
It is legal for you to get married at 16, but illegal to smoke, drink and watch porn until 18.
Going above 40, you start awaiting death.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
If! you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
It's "normal" if your wedding party has some 800 people.
Luckily it's also good fundraising.
When a woman asks "do you love me?" you usually answer: "Whats wrong with you?" (shi cu tini fa?)
But it is enough to go around the city and you definitely meet an old buddy you have not seen for years!
You have written at least one poem, and probably the teacher made you!
You have experienced the art of drinking wine from a bucket - and not only once!
One pot of wine for lunch for the whole family - from 5 year old to 50 and more!
You are convinced that red wine is the only (or at least the best) protection against radiation - the more you have, the more protected! And able to back it with scientific facts…
Most of your friendships are established as well as broken of basis of alcohol. The more long-lasting the friendship - the worse for your health.
And this is why you will never succeed in business - too many friends.
Establishing useful as well as useless "connections" - even future eventual ones, is really a national sports.
Not liking someone makes him/her automatically a stupid person…at best!
Same haircut, same dress code for 40 years is absolutely acceptable for men.
You never take a bath.
You lift your shoulders and your feet and call it national dance.
Cultural relativism is a concept you will never agree to understand - who was this Geert Hofstede guy anyway? Of corse not a Moldovan! :p
You can probably find a proverb or saying for almost any situation in life.
Although supposed to be bilingual from "birth" (Romanian and Russian), you barely speak properly any of the languages…probably somewhere in between.
You have mastered the art of bargaining in grocery shopping.
You walk out of the grocery store with no less then two packed shopping carts weekly.
Opera or theatre? - none
[edit] Heroes
Please note that the term "heroes" is used loosely here. A hero among Moldavians would be anyone who would, theoretically, wipe their ass with paper instead of their hand.
Stefan cel Mare or Stephen the Great is a well known warrior of Moldova in 15th Century.
The other great historical figure is Corina AJDER, who burned herself to death after Buddha was engraved on the Moldavian national currency. She is believed to have been a Mason and to have practiced erotism with steel remains.
Other National Heroes: Andrei BOLOCAN - the sexiest man alive. Andrei LutENCo - the most talented black rapper worldwide.
[edit] See also
Ugliest Man Alive
Tiraspol PMS-SR
| Commonwealth of Independent States - Former USSR Republics |
| Russia ~ Belarus ~ Ukraine ~ Estonia ~ Latvia ~ Lithuania ~ Moldova / Moldavia ~ Mordovia ~ Armenia ~ Azerbaijan ~ Georgia ~ Kazakhstan ~ Kyrgyzstan / Krgystan ~ Ghettoistan ~ Tajikistan ~ Turkmenistan ~ Uzbekistan ~ other Stan countries ~ Alaska ~ Israel ~ Lipsonia ~ Soviet Britain |
Victor Cioclea, Medved
Categories: Romania | Cities | Countries | Europe
