Moldy Cheese
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| Moldy Cheese | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Kingdom | Canada and Refrigerator |
| Phylum | Things that eat you |
| Class | College |
| Order | Chaos |
| Family | Yours |
| Genus | Things that are cold |
| Species | Things that REALLY eat you |
| Binomial Name | Cheese with Mold |
| Primary Armament | Cheesiness |
| Secondary Armament | Moldiness |
| Power Supply | Eat and grow |
| HP: | INFINITY |
| Mana Points: | INFINITY |
| Strength: | 
|
| Intelligence: | More than Cheese |
| Weight | Something you don't like |
| Length | 
|
| Special Attack | Eats Emoes and People |
| Conservation Status | Eating People |
The creation of moldy cheese simply starts as this, and nothing more, nothing less. Moldy cheese originates from regular cheese when it gets too old and dies, giving birth to a new, more evil form of life: Moldy Cheese. Unlike cheese, who's deliciousness is superb, Moldy Cheese seeks to destroy all who try to consume it. It's moldy badness will kill you from the inside out unless you attack first with milk. Milk is the only weakness to Moldy Cheese seeing as regular cheese is made of milk and goodness and Moldy Cheese is essentially undead, evil cheese.
Contents |
[edit] Things That Cannot Stop Moldy Cheese
- Guns
- Nukes
- Grues (because they can't eat the stuff)
- Cheese
- The Snorks
- Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris's Foot Odor
- Swords
- Knives
- Daggers
- Etc.
- The Flying Spagetti Monster (They are evenly matched)
- People
- Emoes
- And Potatoes
[edit] Things That Can Stop Moldy Cheese
[edit] Powers of Moldy Cheese
If eaten....
- Eats your stomach
- Gives you really bad, smelly gas
If not eaten...
- Eats YOU
- Melts things (even sporks)
- Grows and grows and grows
[edit] Famous Movie Quotes About Moldy Cheese
- "El queso es viejo y mohoso. ¿Dónde está el Cuarto de baño?
Translates to: "The cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?"-brenden Fraiser -Encino Man
[edit] How to Identify Moldy Cheese
Moldy cheese is often recognized early on by refrigerator-goers by the blue and white spots that form on a piece of delicious cheese. It is because of these spots that allows for the refrigerator-goers to toss out the cheese but, little known to them, this cheese will come back to eat them as Moldy Cheese!!
The easiest way to identify a lump of moldy cheese is to look at it's disgusting massive blob-i-ness and make sure that it has little white hairs poking out of its body. Beware of the fuzzy soft fur, it will dissolve you into matter so the Moldy Cheese can eat you. Moldy Cheese also has two glowing red eyes somewhere, typically toward the top of the green-blue-furry mound.
It is actually more easy to identify Moldy cheese by simply tossing an Emo at them. The undead cheese will eat their Plutonian asses and their miserable lives will be over. Beware when trying to feed a Moldy Cheese, it could eat you as well.
[edit] Where to Find Moldy Cheese
You can more than likely find Moldy Cheese in the harsh winter-land that is Canada where they prey on those poor Canadians and Mounties. It is here that is the best environment for Moldy Cheese to grow and multiply for the simple reason that it's cold and it's the biggest thing that's as cold as a cozy refrigerator. Do not be fooled by the Moldy Cheese's white fuzzy camouflage.
[edit] Moldy Cheese as a Pet
Although it goes against all regulations and the safety of your bowels, you can have Moldy Cheese as a pet and although it is likely it will eat you in the first five minutes of ownership, go right ahead.
You must first unwrap and expose your cheese to the open air and stick it in the refrigerator. It must sit there for months on end before showing any signs of intelligence. The amount of time depends on the type of cheese. Once you have your baby Moldy Cheese, it will start growing. It is best to feed it at this keen time to make it accelerate. (Refer to Eats). Be sure to make your Moldy Cheese as large as possible (largest on record is about 523 lbs). Unlike regular cheese, Moldy Cheese does not need to be eaten to become active.
[edit] Eats
- Emoes
- People
- Communists
- Canukistanians
- Canadians
- Grues
- Random items found in your fridge and living room
[edit] Doesn't Eat
- Pirate Ninjas
- Ninja Pirates
- Jesus
- God
- The Flying Spagetti Monster
- Random items from your bedroom
[edit] Do-s
- Keep Moldy Cheese out of a cage
- Let Moldy Cheese grow and multiply
- Let Moldy Cheese feed you to it's spawn
- Let Moldy Cheese eat everyone you know and love
- Let Moldy Cheese frolic about and use your insides like a trampeline
- Worship Moldy Cheese
[edit] Don't-s
- Cage Moldy Cheese
- Hurt Moldy Cheese
- Offend Moldy Cheese
- Neglect Moldy Cheese
- Forget about Moldy Cheese
If you have read this guide, aren't dead yet, and decide to follow it, you're well on your way to being a proud owner of your Moldy Cheese. Don't forget to feed it two Emoes a day or it won't grow up to be a big, strong Moldy Cheese.
