Money
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“In the Free World, I own the template!!”
“A fool and his money soon go separate ways”
~ Walmart on Money
“Monaaaay!”
~ David Gilmour on Money
“The one thing money can't buy...MONEY”
~ Bill Gates on what he can't buy
“If money is the root to all evil, why do we have to get jobs?”
~ Annoying Daughter on Money
“I wish I didn't have so many homeless people and wasn't so in debt.”
~ America on Money
“Munymunymunymunymuuuuuuuunay......MUNAY!!!!”
~ Donald Trump on Money
“In Soviet Russia, money spends YOU!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Money
"Corporations" soon spelled the end of money for the once affluent "Americanus Citizenus".
During its glory days, it was the universal law of the universe only understood by capitalist pigs, by which buildings can be erected, food can be consumed, and nubile young females can be lured into dens of sin. Money is the chief currency of just about everywhere. Advanced mathematics are required to understand it, but even an amateur can enjoy it.
They say the love of "money" is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a rise (sic), it will be no surprise that they’re giving none away.
Money has also been known to work as an aphrodisiac.
The love of money is seen as a form of mental retardation. By hippies, that is. And nobody cares what hippies think. Except another hippie.
Contents |
[edit] The Legend of Money
Money is a form of imaginary submission-bark. Build of bark and worth more than bark. Experts are all deeply retarded upon the subject, since most of them are flaming homosexuals. Still most agree that it all started out with a bunch of clay lovers, and in the beginning actually had nothing to do with bark. These mysterious floating heads according to experts, all suffered from Obsessive-compulsive disorder, which compulsed them towards cannibalism, suicidal thoughts, and lots and lots of o.
“Those were some messed up floating heads..”
[edit] Importance
Cash is important and it controls the way people act and how greedy and selfish they are. So remember cash rules everything around us. So go and get that money. Dolla dolla bill ya'll.
[edit] Facts on Money
Money is a Coerced Religion; people either believe that it has value, or they are forcefully divested of all their possessions and status and turned out to wander the streets, homeless and alone, hopefully to die a quick and merciful death.
Believers in money are deeply religious — they serve their money-god with all of their effort and strength, and often sacrifice the majority of their life as an offering to gain its approval. They believe that this will bring them pleasure and happiness in the afterlife, and more attractive to the opposite sex, or whatever sex it is they want to be attractive to. Their faith is absolute, and they believe that there is nothing money can't do.
Money comes in three forms - paper, plastic, and copper- or silver-painted depleted uranium. Paper money is also highly radioactive paper (to protect against counterfeits), and thus are usually green, purple, or neon pink in color. Notes explode when torn in half, and because of this potential hazard, it is against the law to deface currency.
"Metal" money (again, either disguised depleted uranium or, sometimes, chocolate) has lost favor among the civilized populace, as you would know if you ever tried to stuff a two-euro coin in a sweaty stripper's thong. Doesn't work.
Plastic money is poisonous, but has been coated with an antidote so that you only die if you stop using it.
Some people got to have it. Some people really need it.
Money was originally a form a food. although, it is very nutritous it is not tasty. economists have estimated that by next year the US will be using Broccoli as currency
[edit] Big Money
Vast wealth, or "big money," is bigger than normal money. Big money allows the purchase of truly great consumer items, such as a yacht, a Cadillac, or a Sword +5. Big Money requires no skill to wield. Or intelligence. Or integrity. Or value as a human being. Big Money is sufficient unto itself. The Romans referred to money as 'Pecvnia', meaning vndeniable corrvpter of the vvorld.
[edit] Things you can Buy with Money
[edit] Things you can not buy with Money
[edit] Money as FoodMoney can be eaten. It is full of Calcium and carbohydrates as well as having little fat (useful for people on a diet). It is eaten by ripping it up and swallowing it. After that, the money comes straight out the other end because it can be digested so easily. Money can be purchased in all reputable restaurants. Lots of people enjoy eating money; it is very yummy and tastes better than candy! [edit] Money as a DrugMany of America's teens have reportedly started using money to get high. This movement has been rapidly growing in popularity throughout the country, so much so that they call it "Hilton Head Heroin" on the street. Money users typically snort pennies or dimes, although some of the more ambitious ones have been known to snort nickels or even quarters. Pennies can also be used as a suppository. One man snorted an entire block of gold, although he was hospitalized for several months and his mind was permanently damaged. The most popular method of getting high off money is tearing up dollar bills and snorting them. Also, if they are baked in an oven and mixed with vaseline, they reportedly have an even greater effect on the mind and the body. Most users of money are addicted instantly. [edit] Money by Pink FloydA psychadelicacy made under the influence of various drugs, including LSD, Cannabis and of course Cheap Beer.
[edit] The Five Dollar Bill
[edit] Types of Currency
[edit] See also |
