Monk
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"My source of income is thy Lord."
~ so sayeth Father John
“I once asked Master what a monk is. "A monk is anyone whom a monk says is a monk." he replied. When I asked if I was a monk, I was ejected from the compound. Monks are a strange lot.”
Monks gather in buildings known as monasteries. A group of monks living in a monastery is known as a cult. The primary goal of any cult is to take over the world. The primary obstacle in this pursuit is other cults. The sequence of events which follow after a cult succeeds in this is called Final Impact. It is a misnomer, as this has happened several times in history. Records from these times are scarce and conflicting, but the general consensus is that Final Impact is bad.
Monks are universally male. Common hobbies include sitting, contemplation of unanserable questions, barehand fighting, and solving mysteries while humorously freaking out about something being dirty or uneven. Every monk is either a master or a pupil of a master ,the masters rarely talk to anyone in their lives and usually beat or insult pupils when they ask a question , this often leads to Enlightenment of the pupils.
The local 7 Eleven is a popular place for monks to hang out
No one really knows what a Monk is, nor has anyone ever observed a Monk in its natural habitat. Sometimes the term monk is confused with ninja, Illuminati, New Ager, or Obsessive Compulsive Detective.
[edit] General Monk Facts
- The Average monk can easily exceed the speeds of sound and light, and any monk with a name and hair can easily generate an infinite improbability field that will cause his opponent to have been killed by said monk 1,000 years before the target had been born.
- Monks that have hair are especially powerful. If their hair is messy and strangely colored by a means other than dye, then that monk is a Class-M Superweapon.
- A Monk can also become a Class-M Superweapon if they have a name. Monks without names have power equal to mass fodder-ninja, or copy shop workers.
- Headbands are the focus of Monk power, any monk without one is not allowed to have a name, and therefore they can never become a Class-M Superweapon.
- The easiest way to become a Monk is to already BE a Monk, therefore forcing every and all Monks to call you a Monk, making you a Monk.
- Monks are nocturnal creatures on Thursdays.
- Monks do not reproduce asexually, rather they mate with (female) Ninja, after ordering pizza from the Ninja due to the Uncertainty Principle, which is totally sweet
- Monks have the ability to defeat an opponent by staring at them for extended periods, which causes them to rip out their own throat and beat themselves with it.
- Monks are also referred to as 'Monky's, not to be confused with Monkey.
- Monks hang out with Wizards that cast overpowered spells.
- Monks are natural leaders, because no one dares disagree with a Monk or risk being stared at for an extended period.
- 50% of all Monks are on s-CRY-ed, the other 50% only THINK they are.
- 70% of all Monks are bald. This is because they aren't nearly 'uberpawny' enough to have hair.
- Unlike other humanoids, Monks actually become more 'uberpawny' with age. A Middle-Aged Monk can easily kick the ass of any solo ninja.
- A Monk with green hair and a headband once maimed a wizard who stole his kill with an overpowered spell.
- According to schoolgirls, young novices, and priestesses, 'Monks are SEXAY!'. The accuracy of this statement has never been questioned.
- All monks are extremely skilled at using an AK-47, yet none of them can use an AK-74. Their armament skills also extend to throwing knives, and the M-388 Davy Crockett nuclear-rocket launching recoiless rifle, prominently displayed in the 1794 film, "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath".
- Monks are all Qui-Gon Jinn cosplayers, they just wandered into the wrong convent(ion).
[edit] See also
- Monkey, a monk in the Church of Darwinism
