Monty Python
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Monty "Python" Snakespeare is universally accepted as the funniest, best-written, most moving thing ever, on television, ever, ever, and no one has ever made anything better in English literature or humor. In 2008, Monty Python got second place in "the funniest shit ever" award, just one vote behind the George W. Bush administration.
Contents |
[edit] Programming Language
| Monty Python | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Kingdom | United Kingdom |
| Phylum | Something completely different |
| Class | Kindergarten |
| Order | Chaos |
| Family | British Humour |
| Genus | Satire |
| Species | Great satire |
| Binomial Name | Johnny Foreigner |
| Primary Armament | Something completely different |
| Secondary Armament | Quaint English accent |
| Power Supply | Gas and Bullshit |
| HP: | 4500^3 |
| Mana Points: | Monty Python's Flying Circus |
| Strength: | Something completely different |
| Intelligence: | Dubitable |
| Weight | Airwave |
| Length | Several episodes |
| Special Attack | Something exactly the same |
| Conservation Status | Extinct (Daddy's generation) |
John Cleese and Eric Idle created the programming language Python in 91 AD. The United Snakes of America (USoA) strongly approve the language because it makes snakes more pwnsome. "Python" is a direct rip off of Monty Python and there are many references to the British humour group in everything about it. It is actually possible for average "Bob"s to write in this language. If you download the program "Python" and write in the language, Cleese's ghost will come and murder you...when you wake up. If used on MySpace, your friends' computers will crash and you will become the uber h4xx0r. If you use Python for too long the venom will kill you; it's a shame Eric Idle was literal. Wait a minute...Ooops...The Venom is idle!
Eric Idle and John Cleese both have things to say on this topic.
“Damn that stupid language; it deprived me of years of sleep!”
~ John Cleese on Python the programming language
“That was when I dressed like a woman.”
~ Eric Idle on Python the programming language
Terry Jones refused to comment at the time, only saying that it "was not the messiah", but "a very naughty boy".
Accurate classification of the phenomenon known as "Monty Python" has proved for years to be extremely difficult. This is due to the complexity of the subject, inconsistency among sources, and neurological damage suffered by scientists who ingested Australian beer.
In spite of these difficulties, scientists have narrowed it down to three (no, five) categories, some of which are recorded below.
[edit] The Serpent
The Monty Python (latin name Commedia Brittania) is a rare breed of snake that can occasionally be found in the frozen wastes of northern Canada. It is a vicious animal that can range up to ten metres in length and has a diet that is composed solely of members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, or Mounties. The biologist that classified it, however, made a typo and thus the gargantuan animal is now known as the Monty Python.
Although Monty Pythons are an extremely rare sight, they have been linked to over one hundred killings of Mounties over the last century, including the death of twelve high-ranking Mountie officers in the infamous Mountie Massacre of November 12, 1961 at Chippachawanakanuk, Ontario.
The origin of the Monty Python is a mystery. Since it exclusively eats Mounties, it is unknown how the species survived before the Royal Canadian Mounted Police was founded. Recent rumours have suggested that the snake was developed as a weapon of mass destruction by United States President Saddam Hussein, in order to soften up the Canadian defences before launching an all-out invasion to conquer Canada. The only known creature capable of killing a Monty Python is the endangered Killer Rabbit. It is still unknown how they tamed one to feature it in one of their films. Maybe they just fed it Spam (or more likely stunt doubles). Also another theory is that they threatened it with the holy hand granade by only counting to five.
But according to fundamentalist Christians who worship Pat Robertson, "Monty Python" is more properly called "Mountius Pennisula," and was the name Adam and Eve gave to God's organ of copulation. This was, according to the Biblical Book of Buying a Bed 12:60, (Reverend Loveshade's Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia Version ), "sixty feet long."
[edit] Documentarian
Montgomery "Monty" Python (1934 - ) is one of the most highly-respected documentary film makers of all time. His works range from "The Quest for the Holy Grail", an unparallelled, in-depth look at Arthurian legend; through "The Life of Brian", covering Judaeo-Roman Religio-Political issues in Israel at the time of Jesus; on to "The Meaning of Life" in which he ponders the very essence of existence.
Born in 1934 to a German War officer and a Japanese factory worker living in Wilmington, Delaware, Monty had a hard time growing up. Constantly teased for having a huge penis (even by adult standards) he decided to leave town at six years of age.
After making it to New York in 1942, at the age of 12 Monty got a job as a fluffer in a marshmallow factory. His huge penis got him noticed and he soon was commanding a team of fluffers.
Monty worked at the factory until 1969, when he sent in a coupon for a new camera. It was with the camera that he shot his now famous "Why They Won't Let Me Put the Word 'Fuck' in my Movie Title", a documentary about those stupid bastards in hollywood who think the word fuck can't be used to advertise a film about Jesus. The world sadly did not take notice.
But John Lennon noticed and instantly signed up Monty to make documentaries. The rest is history.
Monty survived 19 different murder attempts and went completely insane and is living with a wallaby in a grape jelly and cheese cracker factory just north-west and a few miles above southern North Dakota.
Unfortunately, the undeniably genius works of Python have been misinterpetated, especially in the United Spades, where Idiots repeat memorable lines from the documentaries excessively, or worse, attempt to make their own documentaries in his style. These have been unanimously agreed upon, by everyone in the world, to be Crap.
[edit] Talent Agent
BUCH OF BOOGS!!!! Python died suddenly in 1981 while participating in a Summarise Proust competition. It is assumed that after successfully summarising Swann's Way, and Within a Budding Grove, his heart could not take the stress of summarising The Guermantes Way and it simply gave out. His talent company, "Incredibly Dank and Wet Performers, Ltd." still exists, run by his business partner, Dinsdale Piranha.
[edit] REAL identity
Monty Python's real identity was unknown until 1979. Until then, most speculation had come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, a Messianic figure with an affection for snakes and other phallic objects; but a new school of thinking won many over to its side. Monty Python was, in fact, Dumbledore. Or possibly Kefka, or Voldemort, or Kafka. One or the other, at least.
[edit] Monty Python Knock-offs
The only notable knock-off is the 1987 porno titled Monty's Python, which depicts a man named Monty, going on massive binges of rape in a small rural village of Medieval England. The film is historically inaccurate and Monty's ability to draw his genitals like a sword loses its novelty early on in the viewing.
[edit] See also
- Knights of Ni
- Shrubbery
- Meaning of life
- Camelot
- Monty Python's Flying Circus
- Internet comedy: interview with Graham Chapman
- John Cleese
- Terry Gilliam
- Eric Idle
- Terry Jones
- Michael Palin
- Graham Chapman
- Lemon curry
[edit] And Now For Something Completely Different
- Donald Trump
- Carrots
- Politics of Romania
- National Try To Assassinate The President Day
- Incest
- Halitosis
- Jack Bauer
- Extreme Stamp Licking
- Your Mom
[edit] External Links
Barmy British Stuff 
