Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness
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[edit] Overview
The Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness was founded by His Holiness Bishop Rickki Connelly in the minute island of Jersey (Channel Islands). After reading the one true letter, it was decided that many aspects of the item were in fact prostigious fakes, and as such heresy to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
[edit] Differences from the Main Church
Moomins: According to Bishop Rickki (or alternatively the 'Rikstaa') the Pirate idea is simply a myth created by Mr. Bobby Henderson as part of an evil plan, to distort the true faith into a money making scheme for him and his pirate ship secreted away in the Caribean. People of the True Faith; or the Moomin Church, are of course able to see through this and see it is in fact Moomins with whom the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a real preference. This can also be proved by looking at the corelation between Moomin decline, and global warming. Further proof arises when the rapid decline of Moomins is compared with the rise to power of the false First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Coincidence, or something more sinister?
Parrot Festival: As noted by the churches Arch Deacon Tony Robinson* (aka Pony) if the belief in Pirates is false, then the Parrot Festival must also be figment of Mr. Henderson's scheme. For this reason it is replaced with Moomin Week.
- It is important to note at this time that this is not the actor responsible for playing Baldrick in the popular television series Blackadder.
Talk Like a Pirate Day: Arch Deacon Pony also went on to mention how the false and heretical Talk Like a Pirate Day is in fact a way of spreading the evil and demeaning message of the First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to those in close proximity to its worshippers. Bishop Rikstaa informs all that the voice of a Pirate is actually a sound that grates on the nerves of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and so to speak in said voice may result in unmitigated smiting saucing. For these, and many other, reasons Talk Like a Pirate Day is not celebrated by the Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness. In fact it is believed that upon hearing an individual talk in the voice of a Pirate, any member of said church is responsible for killing that individual, with the ritual and cleansing Spoon of Justice.
[edit] History
Origins: The Moomin Church was only recently founded, on August 8th 2005, by his Holiness Bishop Rikstaa, upon revelations in which the Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke to him in a dream, informing him of the whereabouts of Mr. Hendersons hidden pirate ship - which was confirmed after a quick phone call to the Caribean Hidden Pirate Ship Congress - and that rather than pirates, he did in fact have rather a soft spot for Moomins.
That very morning, after conversation with the now Arch Deacon Pony, in which Pony was shown all known documentation referring to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, as well as a new document, discovered deep in the archives of the States of Jersey Scriptures Library, and was heard to say "I always suspected as such" the Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness was founded.
This new document, unlike other churches of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Moomin Church has chosen to reaveal. The St. Brelades Bay Scrolls Unfortunately the end parts of this document are scrambled and hard to make sense of.
[edit] The Major Pastaer
With claims from the First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster that the flying part of the Spaghetti Monster was irreducibly complex we at the Moominist Church of His Spaghettiness actually took time to examine the defenition of irreducibly complex and saw that this was a clear cop out on the half of the First United Church. So, after many hours trawling seedy bars and strip clubs we managed to capture master mathematician Peter Pan. Due to his extreme mathematics abilities he was indeed able to divide the flying part into its parts. These parts however, have been kept highly secret to anyone but members of the higher clergy. This process elevated Petay Pan to the position of Profit of His Spaghettiness.
[edit] Dress
Due to the falseness of Pirate and/or Ninja costumes (although not evil, the Reformed Church of Alfredo is sadly mistaken) and the occurent difficulties in gettin hold of Moomin costumes, due to the Flying Spaghetti Monster having such a vast collection, Moominist dress consists of pink fluffy togas, topped off with a green-eared head piece and wellington boots, although in Moomin Week it is considered necessary to replace these boots with more comfortable plimsoles. For those entering the church there is also a compulsory three day period before this clothing is allocated, in which they are forced to wear only clothes which have bolognese stains, to show their devotion to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
[edit] Creation
Moominists agree with the other churches that, "His Noodlyness decided, in his great wisdom, to make stuff. His first task was easily the most difficult. On the first day, he made a mountain, trees and a midget. The midget took the greatest time, as He had to create a small human, having never even created a human before. At the end of that day, it was so, at which point, He spent the next 3 days making everything else, including the first 3-day weekend, resting on the 5th, 6th and 7th day."
However, it is thought that, despite the claims of the other churches, His Noodlyness did not in fact create Cavemen, but rather they were a curse placed on earth by the shortlived and inferior God, The Invisible Canneloni Monster, and this explains far more coherently why the Flying Spaghetti Monster deemed it necessary to destroy them.
It has also been added that when creating the Earth, he created Jersey first, starting with St. Brelades and working east, (where the St. Brelades Bay scrolls were discovered) then coming full circle, and finishing with St. Ouens, hense its relatively small and un-evolved inhabitants.
[edit] Rituals
As well as all Fridays being holidays, and the Saucrifice, there are a number of rituals unique to the Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness.
Moomin Week: In which the wellington boots are removed for ritual cleansing, and replaced with the more comfortable plimsoles of the apocolypse. Celebrations are as follows: Monday; Alcohol day, on which it is compulsory to drink and be merry Tuesday; Hangover day, on which it is compulsory to do a 2 mile hop, to show your devotion to His Spaghettiness Wednesday; Moomin day, when the Moomin program must be watched for a minimum of 6 hours Thursday; Pub Quiz day, in which it is compulsory to attend the Tams Pub Quiz, in holy St. Brelades bay. Friday; rest day Saturday; rest day Sunday; rest day
Bree Day: The celebration of the joining of the Church of Inquisitor Michael Bree, responsible for hunting and destroying heretics. Bree is the guardian of the original Spoon of Justice, and responsible for distributing new spoons to all members of the church. On Bree day, it is compulsory for members of the Moomin Church to assassinate at least one heretic member of the other churches of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, using only their Spoon. Hence the Moomin Churches motto "En skje er ikke akkurat for å eteing" which losely translates as "A spoon is not just for eating". It is also compulsory to consume at least 2lbs of French cheeses.
[edit] Structure
The structure of the Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness is as follows: Head of the Church: Bishop Rikstaa; responsible for communications between the Flying Spaghetti Monster and humans.
Arch Deacon Pony; responsible for harmonising the members of the church to meet their full potentials, spreading the word of the church and recruitment, and researching the Moomin faith.
Inquisitor Bree; responsible for hunting down and destroying members of the heretic churches of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and protecting the true faith of the Moomin Church of his Spaghettiness.
Prophet Baudains; despite refusing to join the church, Baudains (aka Petay Pan) was enslaved by the church due to his ability to separate the flying part of the major pastaer of the flying spaghetti monster into its components in an attempt to dissolve the church of his holiness. Contrary to popular belief, this did not incur the wrath of his holiness but instead elevated Baudains into the position of Prophet.
Priests, and Monks, are yet to join the church; due to not completing the three day test period, but new members are flocking to the church at an ever increasing rate.
If you are interested in joining visit the Moomin Church of His Spaghettiness at http://moominchurch.proboards57.com/index.cgi
[edit] Artefacts
- The Spoon of Justice: The only artifact remaining from the Moomin/Christian wars of the early 1400's. It is used to sniff out heretics, due to its exceptional sense of smell, and then to kill them in the highly secret ritual manner. Information leaked about this method suggests a baby octopus, and perhaps a large copper door knob.
- The Moominist Bible
[edit] News
Today, date Wednesday the 10th of August, Bishop Rikstaa and Arch Deacon Pony spotted a pirate ship in St. Brelades bay. We can only assume that Mr. Bobby Henderson had taking his boat from the hiding spot in the Caribean in an attempt to discover and steal the St. Brelades Bay Scrolls. However, as no movement was seen aboard the vessel, no action has been taken as of this time to protect the sacred texts.
