Morgan Freeman
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Morgan Freeman (full name Morgan le Freemason) (1423-2389) was an French Canadian actor notable for appearing in every motion picture production known to have been filmed (though in some, he is present only in voice). In just about all of his movies he is either The President or (provided he is wearing a white suit and tie) God.
Contents |
[edit] History
Morgan Freeman (a.k.a. God) came into existence hundreds of years ago. However, his voice has been around since there was nothing, narrating that nothing. Everything that has happened since nothing has been narrated by Morgan Freeman's voice, even the birth of Morgan Freeman, whom grew up in a family of bus drivers.
After a short stint as a children's reading teacher, a chauffeur to Tippi Hedron's mother-in-law, and President of the United States during the Terrible Sinking of Tea Leoni, Freeman achieved "god-hood" and managed to save the wretched soul of The Riddler and helped Batman with his cocaine addiction too.
His wives are Ashley Judd and the head of Gwyneth Paltrow.
A little known fact is that he also moonlights as UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, as can be seen in the sidebar pictures.
The disembodied, narrating voice of Freeman will unmercifully, grotesquely murder, then disembowl, and finally sodomize the disembodied, narrating voice of Fred Savage during Ragnorok, the final battle.
Morgan Freeman is also responsible for Buddha's popularity, providing Buddha with his ideas and powers.
Morgan Freeman was also the first black bus driver.
Morgan Freeman is also known for being the first person to star in every movie in the history of ever, even Gone With The Wind. Skeptics may say that it is impossible for Morgan Freeman to be in every movie but Standford scientists (with the help of Mr. T) have found that it is scientifically possible. That and the movie credits always list him as starring in the movie.
Recently, due to a severe mishap, Morgan Freeman's face was accidentally grafted onto a Kettle. This caused him to quit movies and settle into boring poorly made english soaps. appearences include: Coronation street as that annoying womans kettle and EndEasters as that kettle on the back of that truck.
It is also a well known fact that no life is on other planets because during the Shawshank Wars he went into space and killed everything.
He died when he attempted to walk on water.
[edit] Narration Business
As Morgan Freeman wrote in his autobiography, "Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie."
[edit] Disputed facts
It has been speculated by many people that Morgan Freeman, Nelson Mandela and Kofi Annan are the very same person who manages to quickly switch identities. The true identity of Morgan Freeman / Kofi Annan / Nelson Mandela is an unknown fact, but there have been claims that it is actually God who descended to earth to teach humanity about their errors. That makes him a reincarnation of Jesus H Christ.
According to Oscar Wilde, he also might be in some sort of relation with a nuclear physicist Gordon Freeman.
[edit] Awards
Morgan Freeman has won a number of prestigious awards, such as the oscars for Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Director, Best Art Direction, Best Narrator, Best Supporting Actress in a Transvestital Role, Best Blacktor, Best Man, Best Western, Best Buy, Best God, and Best Sound Mixing and Quality.
[edit] Recent Films
- 10 Things Morgan Freeman Hates About You (2007) (pre-postproduction)
- Click (2006) -- The Controller
- The Narrator (2006) -- The Narrator (voice over)
- The War on Terrorism (2005)
- Robert's Rules of Order: The Movie (2005) -- U.S. Secretary of the Interior
- That-movie-where-Jim-Carrey-is-God (2003) -- Himself
- The GotShanked Redemption 2: Karma's a Bitch (2002) -- The Catcher
- The GotShanked Redemption (2000) -- The Pitcher
- There's something about Morgan (1999)
- That-movie-with-the-big-rock-heading-for-earth-that-wasn't-as-good-as-the-other-one-with-the-big-rock-heading-for-earth (1998) -- World President
- All of them
Categories: Gods | Actors | Black
