Morrowind

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Morrowind is a game for crackheads, being an MSORPG (Massively Singleplayer Offline Role-Playing Game). You play this because you're sick of the RPG's where your character can't step over a tree stump and gets arrested by second-rate guards, despite being level 343,435,656. . In the game, your best friends are rats larger than miniature poodles and bisexual gods. Despite technically being an RPG, it's more of a brawler than anything else, where you are constantly fighting through hordes of Cliff Racers to get anywhere. The game is so non-linear, the actual plot is a hidden feature.

Contents 1 Main Story Plot 2 Races in Morrowind 3 The First, and Last, Morrowind 'Mod' 4 Life in Morrowind 5 Just A Normal Day In Morrowind 6 Life in Morrowind, Take Two 7 Dagoth Ur 8 Gameplay 9 Easter Eggs

[edit] Main Story Plot

Some radical theorists speculate that Morrowind does indeed contain a plot. If it did contain a plot, which it might have, it might have went like this. You are the main character, and you used to live in fitness but in the middle of the night, you were taken from your apartment because you were too dirty to be seen during the 2008 Olympics. So during the night, Chris Farley and his men take you from Beijing China,and escort you onto a prison boat with Mike Jones, and you are an Illegal immigrant going to Morrowind. In the middle of the night you are having a somewhat prophetic dream, dreaming of having sex with Jessica Alba while drawing animal shapes in the mud, when you are about smell her ass, she is about to tell you where your hand is. But you are disturbed and awoken by Jiub, your prison buddy and life partner. He tells you the boat has stopped. You get off the boat, freed from imprisonment by the string pulling of a distant and obscure emperor and go through the painfully slow creation process. Socucius, with his peculiar face model and annoying voice, decides you shall be a Warrior, as it is the only class you can power level. When you walk through the door Socucius tells you not to take the dagger and lock pick, or he would have to be the next Tax-man (Slang term for Cliff racer bait) Having knowledge of this, you slowly sprint to the room of where the two "needed' items- weapons are. When you spotted the lock pick you struggle to pick it up be cause your crosshair won't hold still. As soon as you managed to grab it, you see the dagger, it had a note under it. It reads "Be sher to sharpin tis nife." in noobish, now in English it reads "I'll stop by tommorow to pick up my dagger, if I find out that a man named Liu has stolen it, I'll kill you." Not caring you equip it. Then you go into the court yard and have a philatelic hallucination of Yoda telling you to use the force and get that damn ring from that barrel, finally, you do so to get that ringing out of your head. You study the ring and the name Faggot is engraved on it, you then find out that you have misread the engravement that really said Fargoth. Soon after you go inside another room, and you meet this man named Sellus Gravius. A stereo typical 1930s police man, his favorite catch phrase is "You got the goods toots?" He will ask you all sorts of questions and riddles. When you figure them out, he will get pissed of and give you a release fee of 87 gold, the package itself, and more detailed instructions which turn out to be utter bullshit and is best to be ignored, the package will read "If you don't leave the Census and Excise office, it is possible to kill all three people inside without receiving any punishment. If you leave, however, you will be treated normally for all crimes you commit." Before you go outside Sellus will promptly tell you to wave good-bye to him or he will not let you out, He also mentions that someone in the South Wall Corner club should know where to locate Cosades. Doing so will allow you to exit his sweat shop.

After six hours you finally go outside, the town is dirty and full of Immigrants, you start to curse under your breath. Soon after a craze red headed man named Vodunius Nuccius will call out "You seem lost." He'll then offer you a tour around the town, its best to choose yes, because if you choose no he'll complain about feeling his teeth and its a wonder why how hasn't gagged on his teeth yet. When you accept his offer he'll give you 1000 gold and reasonable gossip rumors that make you chuckle when on the left side of the trail. At one point it is considered that he has practiced bestiality on Mudcrabs behind the lighthouse when boasting about doing insane stunts to get in the show Maximum exposures. When he is finished showing you around the town it is night and you happen to be on a small island not far from Seyda Neen, you thank him and start walking away, he then haste fully considers you to stay with him just in case Dracula chokes your foot. You accept in fear and because you do not want to look like a complete douche bag. During that time while Vodunius is starting up the camp fire, you think about what your girlfriend is doing, but decide to kill her and her new boyfriend later. You walk to see Vodunius's progress of the fire, but he only managed to get an amber, even so he blowed real hard that his face started to get beet red, You forcefully grab him and tell him to take it easy because you remembered that many good friends of yours died that way, and that you are not comfortable with whispering corpses talking to you. Vodunius will tell you to take it easy, he covered wars you know. You calm down and day dream some more about satanic thoughts, later on your stomach growls and you ask Vodunius is theres any thing to eat. He doesn't reply so you ask again, you still get no response, so you call his name and look up to see where hes at, but you don't see him and assume hes taking a shit. You wait for like 10 seconds then you started to get worried and interesed,you start to look for him then you put your hand by your mouth and yell out his name. You stopped for a response and yet again he didn't answer. You go deeper into the swampy woods and hear laughing coming from behind a tree, you follow the sound and see that Vodunius is getting high and with out you. you ask him "What the hell are you getting high off of?" Vodunius holds up a large shroom in 15in 3lbs. You get highly amazed and ask if you can hit DAT shit. Vodunius hands you one, you sit by him chewing on that bad boy.

Vodunius talks about his childhood, when his father thought that he was gay because he refused to kill his mother and that if he doesn't cut himself he'll get an ass pounding. You laugh at the thought of the beating then say "Yeah I'd pay to see that." Vodunius then jabs you in the face, You still laugh because you're too baked to realise that your nose is bleeding. Vodunius will then start to giggle uncontrollably. You join along with him until he sees a image. he stops and you stop after he bowed up at you, he starts to look around and you ask him whats wrong, he mutters Dracula. You tell him that its just the five shrooms he eat, he still thinks that Dracula is out there, in fact he keeps saying it until you start to believe. Now you and him both are frightened, Vodunius starts to huddle up and cuddle you, feeling awkward you start to blush, he explains that the reason why Dracula wants to get him is because he killed his father, Vodunius holds you tighter because he can feel a branch on his back thinking its Dracula. at that moment he faints and you get very annoyed, you roll your eyes and carry him back to camp which is ten yards away.

You wake Vodunius up by splashing skooma on his face, at first he will lick the skooma off then he'll wake up, you explain to him what just happen and ask what time it is. Vodunius will check his watch and say 11:02pm, you and him decide its best to go back to Seyda neen. Vodunius stops by the lighthouse and says that he can't stay here much longer, Dracula is going to kill him unless he goes to China, you tell him that you were sent to china to compete for the 2008 olympics. He tells you that you have been real nice and kind to him, you tell him good luck but he needs travel money, he offers you a Cursed ring and tells you its a Charmed ring you ask how much does he need and he replies 50,000 dollars. You jump at the cost and shout what, Vodunius then says that he was just joking laughingly. "Only 100 dollars. . . what do ya say?" You think about it. Vodunius quickly adds "Be a good Samaritan and buy the ring; the money might help Nuccius achieve a little happiness." You give in to his puppy dog eyes. After giving him the money he thanks you a bunch of times and kisses you. in a brotherly way, not the gay way. Vodunius gives you a slip to a place called Arrille's Trade house. You are greatful and thank vodunius, he will say to speak to a guy named Arrille, "tell him that Vodunius sent you" after his saying he walks of towards the Silt Strider waving at you, you wave back and walk inside the tradehouse.

When you enter the Tradehouse this big nasty yellow man rudely asks you what the fuck do you want. you hand him a slip and say Vodunius sent me, the yellow man stops and stares at you as if you committed murder, everyone else including Chuck Norris stares at you too. You get confused and say what, a drunken man named Raflod the Braggart walks forward and says, "Hes a escaped serial killer." You then get real surprised and sit down, the yellow man comes up stairs to talk to you about the sudden suprise. He tells you that his name is arrille by the way. you tell him your name and he complements your name you thank him and he tells your how Vodunius became a murder.

Finally you go to a drunk, old retard named Caius Casades, who has a mild drug problem and also has alzheimer's disease, even though he calls it Anderson's disease, and for some reason keeps insisting you sleep in his bed. For about a year you work pointless jobs collecting a strange box for a guy with chronic masturbation, collecting a skull for a necrophiliac, rescuing a kitten from the sewers, saving an Asian lizard from some racists, and busting a librarian out of a library. After doing all these peculiar jobs, you go back to Mr. Cosades in his creepy little hut, for the first time in a year after an awkward sexual encounter, and he grabs your sholder dramaticly tells you that you are Jesus Christ, the lord and savior. As soon as you hear that sentence you immediately go insane, believing you are Indoril Nerevar, the Lord and savior. But no one believes you because their too busy telling you to fuck off because your an outlander. They kick you out of Balmora, and you are left to wander the painstakingly long and boring roadways of Vvardenfel, a dumpish little island with a volcano in the middle, now you want to go back to China, but boats were out-lawed two days ago. So you decide that suicide is the best choice, you try to kill your self but you keep reloading. You then fall asleep under the bridge of Balmora, and have a disturbing dream about Hitler taking over morrowind. You wake up to a midget poking you with a stik, you run him off with a yard stick and stop to think about becoming a hero. so you just accept the fact that hitler must be stopped. After spending a couple of years on those infernal roads, you make your way to an Ashlander tribe. Since they are a bunch of primitive savages, that have been smoking skooma for way too long, they actually believe you are the Nerevarine.

To prove yourself to them you must go on difficult missions, through a cave full of dead people and the necrophiliac you saw earlier, and kill the last remaining character from daggerfall, to cover up how shit Morrowind's prequel was. After that Caius meets you at the tribal village and tells you to explore a cave full of Scientologist cultists. The rabid bastards attack you on sight because they think you are against their religion. After you kill the humorus fiends that you somehow regret killing. You are then attaked by Rosie o' Donald, and you lose your finger, you fight a ferice battle with a ferice looking monster, when you defeat Rosie Old' Donald she'll fall on the ground, jiggle and cast a Chenbyllism spell apon you. You go batshit and start smashing her face up with a shovel repeately. as soon as you stop she vanishes into green fowl smelling smoke. You cough and gag at the stench of Rosie, and run out the cave, you go to a near by village needing medical attention about the Chenbyllism.

No one believes you, because they are too busy throwing rascist insults at you for being a leader of these crazy bastards, you contract Chenobyllism. You go back and tell Caius, and he takes a ship back to China to help with the Olympics, as soon as he hears the news. He wants to run away, you diseased bastard, get away!

So after this you go to Bill Gates's mansion at Tel Fear, and you pay him all the money you got from Sellus Gravyus at Seyda Neen. he informs you that he needs his scissors back from Jerry Seinfeild, who won it in a stand up comedy bet. You ask where he is and Bill Gates will say in his basement, You go into his maze of a basement and meet a fat guy who claims to be the Last of the Mohicians. And you meet Jerry, you find that Jerry is eating his own legs, he tells you "Whats the deal with airline food?" You have to get the question right, if not he'll die and you will have to endure a Prostate exam. You go with "It has a atmospher of pixar and plastic." He then gives you the scissors, you give the scissors back to Bill Gates. He performs the operation that can cure you, but it killed all his other subjects, because he kept on dropping the scissors. But it works, and you continue along your merry way to the tribal village. you are given your second mission, to Kogoruhn (A.K.A Tom Cruise's House) and you slaughter some more crazy bastards. When you return to the village they announce you as the Nerevarine, but you must prove you are Nerevarine to the Great Houses and The Tribes.

So you become Whoretator, uniting Lindsay, Paris and Nicole, now they are all little whorey friends. After this you get proclaimed Nerevarine by the Tribes, giving them free beer and Mcdonald's vouchers. Now you are the Nerevarine. Now you have the right to use the Construction Set, and slaughter everything with God mode. Whilst sleeping, you are contacted by Dagoth Ur, a magician/hippy stuck in Red Mountain, The Scientologist Fortress of the World. He asks that you save him from the Scientologists. Then you climb all the way to the top of the mountain, fighting deformed Chernobyl survivors and Scientologists. You meet Dagoth Ur. He takes off his golden flower mask and reveals himself as Hitler. Since your shit xbox has fucked Morrowind over, you decide to kill him, the only way you can do this is by destroying his personal computer, which he named "the Heart of Lorkhan". You grab Seening and Kunder that you randomly found lying on the ground, run at his Heart and smash the living crap out of it. With this, Hitler is destroyed, and the Hallway cost has ended. Microsoft is dead. With that done, Vvardenfel hasn't changed one little bit, and the game comes to a pointless ending. The Scientologists have been destroyed, proclaimed as "CRAZY BASTARDS!" by Urine Septic.

Two weeks later, you are back at your hut, in Morrowind not China thinking about setting a campsite up, although people keep telling you that imperials can't camp and that they are piece of shit fucks, that act like snobbish fagglets who fight in packs and always have to bring the law into everything. You get mad and storm back inside your hut and cry. People haven't even noticed that you saved their asses from Hitler, but you don't care because you are better than them at going in and out of places. You decide to fall asleep and fantisize about being a fetus inside a sexy woman's body, The door then slowly opens and you stop and look over, there is an assassan stealing your toys and soul gems. You close your eyes and feel a tounge coming from your ear to your neck, its the assassin, taking over things with gay plessure. The assassin starts to sing to you about how much he loves you, a boner starts to tickle your butt-cheek. You jump up, in suprise the assassin thought you were dead. You manage to kill him in one strike because you got better and more skilled at fighting, you unmask the assassin and find out that its jiub's gay brother. Jib. You find a note on his body you read it and realise. . . "Yet. another adventure is sure to come."

[edit] Races in Morrowind

Well first of all, Morrowind is an extremely racist game. The second you put your foot on that stupid deck, every NPC goes "Get out of my sight you outlander trash! You n00bs make me sick!" It gets pretty annoying being pushed around all the time, so luckily there are swords and spells and many other shiny pointy fiery thingies, makes going postal more fun. And there's a point that you should know about creating your character: some guys are better at some subjects then other guys. So, here you go, you outlander piece of shit!

Argonians - Argonians are the ugly swamp monsters, detailed in the Elder Scrolls. They look like large, humanoid reptiles, and are oftentimes sold into slavery. Female Argonians typically end up being sluts, although both genders are often found in the nude. They are capable of breathing water, which is strange, considering they aren't fish. Argonians have the amazing ability to not wear boots, and their tails are able to phase through cloth and armour, even Daedric.

Bretons - Bretons usually look like fat monks or witches (compared to the widely used Normalsize-Monkaverage scale). Of all the races detailed in the Elder Scrolls, though, these tend to look the most normal of all the species, and are good with magics. The females of the species like to paralyze male Nords and strip them of all their clothing, so are rumoured to be exceedingly horny. Take caution when dealing with these bitches (Bitches, of course, standing for Breton wITCHES). Tom Cruise could possibly be a male breton wizard who paralyzed, stripped bear and brainwashed a female Nord known as Katie Homes.

Dark Elves - Dark Elves (or Dunmer), are short High Elves with dust from the Ashlands imbedded in their DNA. Also, they aren't as ugly as High Elves. They are racist slavers, typically with poor dispositions, hinting to a rather large stick up each and every one of their asses. They rule the continent of Morrowind, and Vvardenfel, which is where the whole story takes place. The Dark Elves seem to all be old bags, and the women are ugly and scary. All this, and more, makes them the most popular race. "Filthy Swits!" - Women on outlanders. "Keep moving....scum!" - Dark Elf guards when greeting you to their holy city. "FUCKING FUCK OFF!" - Dark Elves on piss-takingly long loading times whilst playing Morrowind on a somewhat obselete computer. Dark elves are scum.

High Elves - High Elves (or Altmer), are exactly what they are described as: high. They have a rather distracted look in their eyes at all times, and hardly look healthy. Their faces are gaunt and jaundiced, and although they are tall, they are also incredibly thin. In spite of these facial tendencies, they describe themselves as being beautiful. It is rumored that they do not refine their Moon Sugar into Skooma, and crush it into a fine powder much like crack. This is likely why they are so conceited about their appearance. They are usually mages, but how they keep their concentration long enough to cast a spell is beyond us. They are particularly astute with blunt weapons. Also, High Elves are known for their cruel sneer which once killed a innocent lost scrib, and the fact the whole lot of them are anemic and may be killed by looking at them.

Imperial - Imperials are rather hard to tell apart from Bretons, except for the fact that they all look almost exactly the same. Considering the majority of Imperials are Guards, well, yeah. They look exactly the same. They try to take over the world, and slowly infect it. They are also like Americans, in that they accused the Dunmer of having "Weapons of Mass Destruction", i.e. Daedric weapons, and used this as a pretext for conquering Morrowind. Imperials are like a sexually transmitted disease, of which there are many in Morrowind. Imperials are more dealdy than Corprus, so watch your back.

Khajiit - Khajiit are just as great, if not greater, drug addicts than the High Elves. They sit around their home country (France) consuming Skooma and Moon Sugar. Due to their already high drug content, it is rumoured that they are great for kitten huffing, and that they are just as good as orange ones, if not better. To dispell this rumour, huffing Khajiits will just end up in your death. It is not advisable. Khajiits are, indeed, cat-people, with badly-meshed fur and tails that stick out through clothing and armour alike, just like Argonians. A vaccine to the disease Khajiit slavery was produced but failed due to kitten huffing/cliches/interdimensional tails.

Nords - Nords, from the Tamriel province of Norwegia, are the typically blonde-haired, woad-painted idiots of Morrowind. Nords are so completely retarded, that the males frequently find themselves the victims of the horny Breton witches, completely paralyzed and stripped of all clothing and items. It is oftentimes not worth it to kill random Nords you find on the road; they usually only have their werewolf-skin underwear on (they often strangle the werewolfs with their hair), and you can't take that, because that would make this an M-rated game. And no one wants that. Though some people might say they suck, they are actually really cool guys who just want to ride around in their Volvos and let Arabs into their country.

Orcs - Now, if you thought Argonians were ugly, you have never seen Bethesda's portrayal of an Orc. They are a sickly, "atomic vomit" green, with protruding fangs and an armour all of their own, which is actually quite "badass". It's silvery. They are exceedingly violent, and pretty stupid for the most part. They like to hurt you for no apparent reason. It is for all these reasons that Orcs are the best of the races of Morrowind. Orcs are also fans of the popular band Rock Rock Rock, especially how ugly they are. Who would expect an Orc to be Nerevarine?

Redguards - Redguards were developed by God, to ensure that Morrowind was PC. Redguards are black people, also known as imaginary folk. Apparently, God did not wish to work too hard on Redguards, so instead turned everyone into acute schizophrenics so that they believed they were speaking to/killing/having buttsecks with/etc these people. After being on medications strong enough to realize this (or it could have been Skooma and Flin), one person declared it. However, although some could see reason, the fact was not widely spread. That's right. You heard it here. Redguards are imaginary. What's more, having black people ingame was already pushing the limits of the developers' western fantasy-choked minds that they were forced to stop after several heads detonated from the violation of ironclad genre-laws.

Wood Elves - Wood Elves (or Bosmer), are few and far between. They are the gay race of Morrowind. With high-pitched voices and short statures, they annoy all of the other races they apparently make good thieves, but few can stand to be them. The most famous Wood Elf is Fargoth, possibly the most annoying character that any developer could ever think of. Why? No one knows. But also, no one likes him. It is just accepted as fact that Fargoth sucks. Wood Elves, although they deny this, are called such because they have constantly erect penises. The chicks are the only females that don't look like someone's grandma. Unfortunately, they do look identical to someone's grandpa 94% of the time. However, this still makes them the most attractive (and therefore masturbated to by nerds) females in Morrowind.

The Constuctors- The most feared race in Morrowind. They come from the strange universe land of ConstuctionSetLand. Standing at 60,000 feet high, with an immunity to everything in the game, and a fortification of everything by 100, they are feared by every other race in the game, except by Wood Elves, they believe they are Sex Gods who will deliver each one of them a killer orgasm which will take them to Wood Elf heaven, a place so disgusting, it cannot be mentioned here. These people are so powerful even Dagoth Ur is afraid of them, so he locked himself behind a gate to protect himself from them, and so everyone else can get slaughtered.

Scriblords - a hidden race of people disguised in the form of Scribs. When the the time occurs, they shall tap the ground no longer, transforming into there true form, and they will one hit everything they see doing 999,999,999,999,99 damage. Serves you right for killing the innocent things, what'd they do to you? Asshole.

Cliff racers - The dominant creature in Morrowind, they reproduce asexually, giving birth to thousands of babies at once, which themselves are having babies within a few hours. 99.99% of the game entails fighting off the endless hordes of cliff racers.

Dwarves - Dwarves are the creatures that did too many drugs and died. They were once nerds but they did some acid one day and died. They left all sorts of robot crap running around in the ruins, which are made of metal and gears. The robots attack Japan all the time, and when you enter the ruins, you are also attacked.

[edit] The First, and Last, Morrowind 'Mod'

As far as PC games go, Morrowind certainly isn't one that is considered to be easily modified by users. Infact, it's probably easier to send out an expedition to find a version of Kirby that is yellow and sulphurous than even THINKING about modifying this game. Knowing this, I suppose you are wondering how there could possibly be a user-created 'mod.' Well, to understand that, you'll have to understand what this 'mod' set out to achieve. Let me explain.

There was an Owl race outcry. Finding the game complete with a Drug Addict race, and a Swamp Man race was just not enough for many fans of the series. Instead of just accepting the fact that there would be no playable Owl race, many took solace in the fact that some of the polygonal hairstyles, being symmetrical, vaguely resembled owls, especially when viewed from behind.

Yet one man, only known by his forum screenname as 'Owlz_r_4_lif' set out to make satiate the fans thirst for Owl. Here lies his hallowed plan:

- Harvest a Owl from the wild

- Chop said Owl's head off carefully, under running water

- Place Owl head in a particle accelerator

- Place elderberries aswell

- Aim particle accelerator at computer screen

- Owly goodness

[edit] Life in Morrowind

Life in Morrowind is different than any other place in the universe, except maybe New Jersey. As such, most of the game is fighting cliff racers. As with most every average-to-below-average story, the main character wkes up in the hull of some old boat with three transvestite hookers and Steve Martin, completely oblivious of the night before. Steve and the main character (whom we will call the Nerdeverine from now on), both recovering form a wild three-night party of moon sugar, skooma, and khajiit females hyped up on hackle-lo leaf, realizze that they can not find their car. Thus begins the journey of a lifetime.

In most variations of the story, the Nerdevarine has to go to jail for 8 three-week consecutive terms for killing a random bystander named Fargoth. Fargoth, however, has it coming from the moment the main character gets off the boat. Fargoth's ghost continues to haunts the Nerdevearine for the rest of the game, whispering strange things to him like "when the Moon-and-Star is in the fourth heaven..." or "Eeew... you're naked... spare me..."

It takes a normal player about 5 years to realize what the f*ck is going on in Morrowind before they actually do some sort of quest. By this time, the Nerdevarine will have served 4058 jail terms, killed at least 90% of the races in Morrowind, and blanketed the entire island beneath a thick layer of dead cliff racers. Finally, your character will find Caius Cosades who claims to be "just an old man with a skooma addiction". This revelation will probably piss off to no end, and you'll kill him, only to learn that "With this character's death, you have doomed the world."

Then you have to start over.

[edit] Just A Normal Day In Morrowind

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<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tn0-heHScyI&hl=es" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed>

these videos shows that Morrowind is still very much the same as modern times

[edit] Life in Morrowind, Take Two

This time around, the character realizes that instead of killing people with out reason, the more you play the game, the more reason you have to kill someone. Therefore, players actually try to follow the main quest to all of the obscure locations in the game that take about a week to get to. Within three years (not of in-game time), the player will be about 2% closer to completing the game, but it won't matter.

98% of Morrowind players commit suicide before they reach the last fight, which is against...

[edit] Dagoth Ur

If you havn't bothered to do the actual main story plot of the game then you may find yourself asking "Who is Dagoth Ur?".. Let me inform you, You filthy outlander!. Dagoth Ur was a Dark Elf, Back in the times where the real "Nerevine" walked the crack ally's of Vvardenfel. One day, he and the nerevine both decided to go out on St.Patrick's day. After hours of slugging down vintage wine and smoking skooma they decided to go for a small walk to sober up. However, whilst walking Ur thought it would be tremendous fun to gallop to the top of red Mountain, at this point the red mountain was called Hash-mountain But had to be re-named after Tiber Septim became a stoner and the imperial legion had to change the name to hide it's treasure of Ganja from him. When Ur got to the top he slipped after being distracted by the retarded Scribs trying to pry it's self into the ground by tapping it. Ur believed he was falling to his death thus he prayed to Vivec. A blinding light appeared and a figure touched Ur. "Vivec! You saved me!" Ur cried. Following Ur's Excitment he became depressed and started listening to Hawthorne Heights after he realised it was not Vivec but Boy George. Dagoth Ur now spends his days in Red mountain. He has become so emo that he occasionally picks Sunder up just for it's pain.. And there you have it you filthy Outlander The story of Dagoth Ur, Now stop stealing my random Silverware plates and Actually Leave Balmora!.

Dagoth Ur, as his name implies, is also the Original Goth and thus wields the awesome power of #########.

Once he is defeated, he will rip aside his loin-cloth and reveal, that rather than Genitalia, he has a second head named Dagoth Qur. Dagoth Qur will ask you to kill him; he claims that being surgicaly attached to the groin of a deluded, unwashed, Demi-God is "worse than death".

[edit] Gameplay

Morrowind is famous for it's gameplay. It is regarded as the worst in the world, except by Bethesda Softworks. Fighting is split up into three different catagories, Combat, Stealth and Magic.

Combat- This fighting category is 99.99999999999999% easier than the other specializations. This consists of continuously clicking the mouse button and swinging your weapon blindly at the enemy and hitting them. At the start of the game, 90% of the time your weapon will miss even if you are aiming right at the enemy. Most players hang themselves before they reach the full advantages of Combat.

Stealth- This specialization is not easy to play. Though most n00bs like to steal things from harmless merchants, so it is the most poplar selection. This is grabbing a lockpick or a scroll of Houdini's Unhinging, opening someones door, walking in and grabbing all their stuff by entering the next room or killing them first. Because of this, 90% of the game takes place at level one as your stupid skills never go up.

Magic- This is the hardest specialization to play as. When you start off, you have fuck all protection against anything, just a poor array of spells. When you begin to get better and get upgrades, the Mages Guild would rather give you shit on a stick than money, so you can't afford new spells or training. Plus you have minimal health and every creature, even rats, mudcrabs and kwama foragers gangrape you in battle.

[edit] Easter Eggs

• At 12:00 - 3:00am you can see a ghost behind the Lighthouse in Seyda Neen.
• Before going through creation procces you can advoid all that and find a rocket launcher behind a tree, give the gun to Fargoth by throwing it over the wall, he should blow it down.
• In the mission "Black out" Tom cruise will be seen getting drugged up for a role in Mournhold.
• If you name your character Liu, the sky will fall in Rome.
• there is this talking tree that can eat you.
• Chuck Norris mode: After completing the main quest, all faction quests, all miscellaneous quests, and all vampire quests on the hardest difficulty setting in one play-through you can unlock the race "Chuck Norris". All skills and attributes start out at 400 except Hand-to-hand which starts out at 2500. (and you can kill your brother)
• Fargoth takes a bullet for you if you give him back the ring.
• You play as a romanian.
• Morrowing is actually the mushroom kingdom, and dagoth ur is Bowser and the seven ash vampires are the seven koopalings.
• I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you.