Mortal Kombat

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Mortal Kombat was an arkade game kreated by Midway in the early 1970s, spawning several sekuels and spin-offs, and kontinuing on to this day.

1 The Gimmikk
2 The Sequels
3 The Game
4 The Movie
5 Clever and Souwa
6 The Band
7 MortaL Kombat iPod
8 The Parody - OpenMortal aka Mortál Szombat
9 See also

[edit] The Gimmikk

As it is well known, all fighting game series have some sort of gimmikk to help them stand out from the krowd. Street Fighter revolutionized the genre by taking the fighting out into the streets, instead of in a ring, as all the previous games had been.

Mortal Kombat's gimmikk was to replace all instances of a hard "c" sound with the letter 'K' (bekause of that feature, it was one of the first applikations to bekome part of KDE). There was also something about kopious amounts of blood and violence. Parents were outraged by the fakt that Mortal Kombat kontained kopious amounts of nonsensikal spelling errors and the outrage was so great that the United States Kongress held hearings. The hearings and the great koncern about spelling errors in video games eventually lead to the fornikation of the USRB ratings, which in turn led to the Video Game Adultery Association of Amerika, or the VGAAA. Get it? VGA? Lawl.

The kontroversy eventually spread to other kontinents and the game was banned in Australia, Kanada, Germany, Spain, Yemen, Antarktika, the Moon, and Atlantis, and now, Purgatory.

[edit] The Sequels

Several sequels were released. In the the sekond most recent game, "Mortal Kombat: We Gots Brand New Kharakters That You Kan Play In Some Other Useless Mode", the main kharakter is Shujinko (Japanese for "dumbass"), who retrieves the seven-and-a-half Kamidogu (Japanese for "cheap plastik trinkets") and thus unwittingly allows Oprah to konquer and kontrol all known universes.

In the most recent one all the kharakters kome together to celebrate Blaze's birthday. Half these kharakters even overkome death to be at the party. However Blaze eats Oprah's steroids and he grows big and tall. Some fighting brothers show up and want to kill Blaze. Everyone begins fighting. Then they klimb a pyramid to give Blaze a present. The story has won many awards and the kharakter's bakk stories are the best since Pokemon vs. Mortal Kombat.

[edit] The Game

The Mortal Kombat series has many unique features. Or at least, features that may have been unique at one point in time, however this is more often than not no longer the kase. It was the first fighting game to have digitized aktors and the produktion krew was forced to kill one aktor while filming each fatality.

[edit] Kharakters

Goro(Gorro) - Portuguese for baseball hat.
Sheeva - The stokk helpless pretty girl kharacter. The only mold breaking aspekts being a giant, four armed and bulging muscled, monster quality. She was made as the Goro alternative, after he was found to kause kancer.
Rayden - Chinese chewing-gum poster-man. A rip off of that guy from "Big Trouble in Little China".
Sonja - Grown up Powerpuff Girl.
Liu Kang - A reinkarnation of Bruce Lee!! Sent by Lee to keep a klose eye on the universe.
Kung Lao - The brother of Liu Kang, and sekond watcher of the universe in kase Liu Kang should die.
Phil Kollins-Purveyor of cheese and Norwegian prostitutes. Kan't read.
Sektor - Like a huge robotik version of Bjork, only less violent. Rip off of the Terminator.
Jax - Samuel L. Jakkson with metal arms and fighting more mutha fukkas!!
Subterranean-Zero - Another instantly rekognisable Mortal Kombat pirate. Best known for his steamy role in the 1990 box-office smash Don't Kall Me Ninja.
Kitana - Is the sexiest ninja of Mortal Kombat, bekause the kreators said so. She is also beer kommercial model and a rip-off of Mileena.
Sin Dell - One of the most feared kharakters, this telesaleswoman from Dell Komputers will savagely market her opponents to death using top-of-the-range information tekhnology.
Kabal - Darth Vader's son in law, also kalled Darth Kabal.
Cyrax - Mikhal Jakkson's love machine gone krazy after the transformation into a woman.
Kano - Some Australian thug whom loves dranks, chikken legs, and getting breaks from exotik women (he perfers blondes however).
Shang Tsung - No one knows who he is. Mostly believed to be the dekrepit old man you kould take down with a simple slide. Even though he kan turn into anyone else, he likes to turn into Jade just to look at himself naked in front of a mirror and masturbate when nobody's watching.
Mileena - Klearasil model.
Rain - The leader of the Mortal Kombat pirates. He was on Mortal Kombat the Series. Again, that's "Mortal Kombat: The Series," please watch it.
Ermak - Also a pirate. His name is short for his full name, Error J. Makro.
Baraka - Obama

[edit] Hidden Kharakters

Mortal Kombat is known also to be the first game ever to feature more hidden kharakters than aktual kharakters.

Reptile - A Frogman - his name was to be Anure, but the kreators said it would not be katchy enough.
Noob Saibot - Damn this bot is a n00b! The other players banned him after he insulted Shang Tsung, the admin.
Smoke - A professional shoplifter. His only flaw is to leave a smoke trace wherever he goes, making it easier for police to find and arrest him time and time again.
X-Men - A random X-Man kan be unlokked in each Mortal Kombat game. X-Men such as Porkupine, Skattered Showers and One-Eyed-Ethiopian have been unlokked.
Invisible Man - Some douchebag who doesn't know where he's at.
Mr. Rogers - A very dangerous Chikken burger.
Tourette's Guy - A retard who has Tourette's and defeats his enemies by swearing at them.
Fred Phelps - A preacher who "hates fags." He has a special move kalled the Godhatesality, but it's very diffikult to pull off, and when it is it's useless and krappy.
Tony La Russa - Slays fighters with his spell kasting, inkluding his destruktive triple flame kannon.
Desmond - Also a hidden kharacter|kharakter in Lost who kan be unlokked with dynamite.

Cyrax performs his greatest fatality....the Charleston

Margaret Thatcher - Noted for her Milkality, where she stole the other kharakters kids' milk, and her Miner-ality, where she klosed the koal mines, forcing the kharakter to start up a business, go bankrupt and kill themselves.
Dave Grohl - Defeats enemies by skreaming at them, resulting in their implosion.
Kurt Kobain - Goes on a Skarface-esque shooting rampage at the start of the round, and is thus konsidered the super-top-top-top-top-top-tier kharakter of the game. Often, however, this move bakkfires and results in his defeat.
Evan Tidwell- Using his Ultra-Shrooms and various other drugs, he will fukk you up so bad you won't know what the hell is going on when his pet monkey assrapes you.
Mokap - A guy with lamps skattered all over his body. It takes a lot of punishment to knokk him down, bekause those lamps are very expensive and the studio where he works wouldn't allow extra budgeting to pay for the damage.
Jakk Bauer - Usually kauses the death of enemy players by akkident, or simply by meeting them.

[edit] Fatalities

The main draw to Mortal Kombat, apart from excessive use of the letter 'K' and marketing department lies, were the -ality moves a person kould do at the end of a fight. To get their kharakter to do one of these moves, they had to enter an absurdly long kode, or as most people did, put in the cheat which kaused the moves after one button press.

The various -ality moves inklude:

Fatality - The kharakter exekutes a move which kills the other kharakter, instead of just knokking them down.
Fat-ality: The kharakter uses the "chokolate sandwhich" on the other kharakter, making him/her inkredibly fat, and after that, they explode.
Animality - The kharakter turns into an animal and kills the other kharakter in a way that normally involves them eating them.
Kannibality - The same as Animality, except they don't turn into an animal first.
Kurb Stomp-ality - the Kharakter Stomps out his opponent and their brains gush everywhere. Then the kharakter laughs... kuz it's funny.
Anomality - The kharakter turns into something odd, and explodes.
Babality - The kharakter hangs the other kharakter out of a window, to show all their adoring fans how far the mighty have fallen.
Banality - The winning kharakter just stands there, and the loser kills himself out of boredom.
Breakality -Thought to originally be a form of hara-kiri since the user's neck gets snapped in the process, but in reality, the user gets head-scissored by a hot female fighter and the loser just stands and watches. They will die of jealousy several seconds later. Kano was the first user of the Breakality.
Elastikity - The kharakter pulls out the spine of the loser and replaces it plasticine.
Franke-ality: The winning kharakter waves a white flag and surrenders.
Friendality - Totally absurd move in which the kharakter kould do anything. Some kharakters played funky musik and danced, some kharakters helped old ladies kross the street. But since some kharakters are dumb they fail in doing this friendly thing and the enemy kharakter for example, died by a kar when krossing the street, or even died they was dancing with the kharakter that used the Friendality by sliding in on a banana and falling from the bridge to the spikes.
IBality - An IB Ko-ordinator throws multiple IB physiks and english tests at the opponenet and the opponent bekomes infekted with the west nile virus, and eventually dies.
Beastiality - The winning kharakter turns into a mythologikal beast and use violent attakks on his opponent. Some beasts inklude: Tiamat, Buddha, Bob the Builder, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Maxx, Your Mom and Jesus. The former was highly kritikized as his trademark were not licensed from Katholik Church.
Breastality - The same as Animality, except they turn into Gianna Mikhaels first.
Pervertialty - The kharakter rapes.
Sexualty - The kharakter roundhouse-kikks the opponent and rapes him to death.
Pope-ality - The kharakter bekomes the Pope and exkommunikates the opponent, kutting the opponent's lifespan and killing the kharakter.
WTF-ality - The kharakter speaks a lot of krappy gibberish, kausing the opponent to say WTF then turning into a Lokh Ness Monster and explodes into human skrap.
Mortality - The kharakter remembers that in previous games they had, infakt, died, and so begin to question the meaning of life, fear death, and eventually smash their head on a rokk.
Reality - The losing kharakter is made to realize they kan't spend the rest of their lives engaging in fights to the death and they go and get a normal job at a normal kompany with benefits and a stable inkome.
iAlity - The kharakter takes out an iPod, puts in on full blast, puts in on, and explodes.
Nationality - The losing kharakter turns Swedish, and then in true mortal kombat fashion, explodes. (kannot be used on Opera.)
Prinkipality - The kharakter morphs into a purple-klad singer who proceeds to anally violate his opponent whilst stating that he wants "to B (the opponent's) Lover"
Itality - The kharakter flattens their opponent, places them in an oven and turns them into pizza.
Italikity - The kharakter jumps away into the distance and returns with the Leaning Tower of Pisa with which he proceeds to rearrange the spine of the loser, so that the loser has to lean around for the rest of his life.
Immortality - The bane of all existence. If the game is played for 31 days straight, without turning the system off, your kharakter morphs into Tom Kruise in vampire-mode. Reality kan okkur soon afterwards, followed by Fatality.
Tekhnikality - The losing player wins.
True Beastiality - The kharakter bekomes an animal and engages in sexual interkourse with the loser.
Poetic Fallacy - The kharakter utters explicit phrases, kausing a shift in the Tektonik Plates. There are no survivors.
Spartality - The loser tells the kharakter "this is madness!" The kharakter replies by kikking the loser into a well while yelling "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"
Gayality-the kharachter gets gay with the other guy
Sexality-the two Kharakters share Apple Pie, I really don't know why it's called a sexality.
Toastyality-TOASTYTOASTYTOASTYTOASTYTOASTYBOOM!!!!
Civility- The Kharacters work out their problems in a civil manner, shake hands, and walk away.
RetardedPwnageality- The loser gets their balls ripped out, eaten, and regurgitated at them, causing their nipples to turn green.
krapality- the kharakter feeds the loser a hot pocket and then the kharakter kraps his organs out

PWNality

PWNality- the kharakter opens with some uber martial arts then draws a sword and beats the shit out of the loser then pulls out a spear and slams the loser to the ground before stabing the kharakter sevral times then smashes him with a giant mallet then uses the mallet to hit him into the air and finishes the n00b off with guns and a nuke
Nerdality - The kharacter reads the whoever did the last 6 -alities' autobiography, he/she becomes nerdy, and attakks the other kharacter with math until he/she has brain damage.
Konstipality - The losing kharakter randomly gets konstipated and explodes due to a really bad case of anal backup
Kup of teaality - The winning kharacter celebrates his/ her/ its victory with a refreshing kup of tea and a slice of ruffles kake, as the loser looks on in agony.
Reality - Only on arkade versions in two player mode. Just like a fatality only the winning kharacter explodes out of the arkade machine and performs his/her fatility on the losing player.

[edit] The Movie

Mortal Kombat was selling so well that there was a movie made about it. That movie won an oskar for best skreenplay. In the movie, Liu Kang is Earth's chosen champion, Johnny Kage is the (fake) movie star interested in Sonya Blade, Sonya Blade is the vulgar and mean yet inkredibly sexy heroine of the movie and the main love interest of most of the kharacters in the movie, Kano is the loveable, terminator wannabe, thikk akcent karrying, fun loving, and sex kraving Australian thug whom also loves Sonya and that has the honor of dying in Sonya's massive thighs (a death most of the other villains wish they kould have died with), Shang Tsung is the subliminal mastermind of sexual undertones, voice changing (really, his voice goes from high to low for no reason through the movie), emotional, and konfusing villain whom also has a love interest in Sonya Blade, but never really gets her. Liu Kang kills Shao Kahn's champions thus freeing the Earth from the possibility of Shao Kahn's reign for at least five more weeks. However, in the sequel Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Shao Kahn breaks his own laws and invades anyway, only to be beaten bakk at the end. This movie was mainly notable for the death of the widely-detested kharakter Johnny Kage.

Following this movie was Mortal Kombat: Free-For-All. By this point, the producers had realized that people were buying the movie for the brand name, not the kontent, and so the whole movie konsisted of the opening demo of the game looped about thirty times.

[edit] Clever and Souwa

During the early 80's, two of the original members of the cast Kano (real name Trevor Goddard) and Shang Tsung (real name Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa) using their old high school nicknames of Clever Trevor and Souwa Tagawa decided to form the now legendary R&B group Clever and Souwa. Not long after the group's formation, they added their old college buddy Goro to the group. Kano played vocals and bass, Tagawa played the gamut from guitar to trumpet to cowbell and Goro played the drums, turntables, and added effects.

The group would go on to deliever thousands of instant hits in the band's one year lifespan. Among their hits were Sweet'n'Sour, The Bloomin Onion, Blade, and a cover of the old 80's classic Cold as Ice. Following their huge success the friends decided to peacefully part ways as they wished to pursue other endeavors.

Kano would go on to release the now diamond selling record The Other Side Of The Plate (a pun on the metal plate he has on his face) which included such hits as Hand to Hand, A Honey Moon Cruise, I'm your F'n Heartthrob, and the smash hit single Ello Baby. He would also star in the movie adaptation of Mortal Kombat alongside his former bandmates and his current girlfriend Sonya Blade. He would go on to win 7 Oscars, 8 Golden Globes, 10 Woodies, and 20 Golden Thigh awards.

Shang Tsung would go on to deliver the muti-platinum selling record Until We Reach The Island which included many hits including Baby Tea Leaves, No Demenior, Oh Raiden!, and the hit single You've Been Chosen Sonya. He would go on to star in the movie adaptation of Mortal Kombat alongside his former bandmates and love interest Sonya Blade. He would also go on to win 5 Oscars, 5 Tonnies for his brilliant performance in the Lion King as Scar, and 1 Art Of Healing Award.

Goro would find no success after his departure from the band. He did get to star in Mortal Kombat the movie, but he died on set when Johnny Cage kicked him of a cliff and then was struck by a lightning bolt as he fell.

[edit] The Band

Mortal Kombat was a popular rap band. It featured the vokal talents of Stephen Hawking, Willy Wonka, and Pee-Wee Herman, along with Optimus Prime on guitar and Kthulu on the xylophone. It gained wide popularity bekause of its hit song, "Skratch Post," the tragik tale of a man whose chair was destroyed by his pet kat. The song touched the hearts of over a million people, and was eventually released on their first album, "13 Quikk ways to get stoned."

Unfortunately, Mortal Kombat received negative publicity once Wonka went to trial on charges of child molestation and slave labor (the so-kalled "Oompa-Loompas"). Soon afterwards, Optimus Prime left Mortal Kombat, and the band broke up.

It was all just a skheme by Oprah to kontrol the minds of krap fans. In reality, the band broke up bekause Chukk Norris hijakked an Apache helikopter and temporalily destroyed Oprah, freeing them from her evil kontrol.

[edit] MortaL Kombat iPod

A failed idea is the Mortal Kombat ipod. It is so bad that Scorpion said "Stay away from here." He usually says "Kome here!!!"

This ipod was invented by NietzKhe in his war to kill God. Unfortunately the anti-divine weaponry kaused it to suck. It kame klose to killing Chuck Norris in its first day out in publik.

[edit] The Parody - OpenMortal aka Mortál Szombat

Open Mortal is a parody of the once popular koin-up fighting game, Mortal Kombat, for Windows and Linux. It is kurrently playable, has 18 playable kharakters. There is network game, team mode, etc. You kan even add your own kharakter. Free and OpenSource - Get it here: http://sourceforge.net/projects/openmortal Our heros: http://openmortal.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/characters.cgi