Mother Teresa
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- For those who kant spell, see Mother Theresa.
“The only thing I can't resist is Mother Teresa.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Mother Teresa
“Some people just want to watch the world burn.”
~ Oscar Mayer on Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa Was a star of several "nunsploitation" films, and competed in the "Albanias greatest Love-machine" competition every year of her tragically short life.
[edit] Biography
Born Teresa Smith in Bolton she had a tough childhood after her parents disowned her and sold her to a Kosovan soldier of fortune. At the age of 12 she moved back to Britain, only to realise that she had taken a wrong turning in Trieste and had ended up in Calcutta. It was here that she contracted her hideous wasting disease that marred her few remaining years.
After having realised her potential as a female Casanova in a sordid episode involving semolina and sausage pie she established herself on the Indian party scene. It was passing a fairground stand for the competition in Uttar-Pradesh that she first entered "Albanias greatest love-machine". Although she never won, this persistence won her the acclaim of millions around the world, and the respect of several major politicians.
She ended her life with many unwanted children living in and around her home in Calcutta (a feeble claim has been made that this was an "orphange" but all respected scientists have concluded that these were her own children, a result no doubt of her competitiveness in AGLM. It has also been speculated that the children were young'uns that Teresa had singlehandedly saved from abortion by aborting them and keeping them as gardeners and maids. At 24 she had suffered more than most from the aging disease that wracked her and died in monstrous agony and terror in the middle of the Calcutta knife factory (that was mysteriously...exploding at the time).
Although uglier, shorter and hornier she has often been called Albanias Diana.
[edit] Conspiracy theories
Because of her amazing life, she has naturally attracted many conspiracy theorists. Most of these are unfounded and pointless to repeat since many of you may have heard them, a few may need quelling.
1. Mother Teresa is not a native of Bolton in Greater Manchester. This theory is completely ludicrous since it is well documented that one of Teresas more famous speeches included a littering of idioms such as: "Men do no great things, only small things with great love. ey oop"
2. Mother Teresa was 87 when she died. Well all proof points to the fact that since no one has ever looked as old as her, it must be either God or a disease...actually, it could well be a divine punishment.
[edit] Miracles
- 9th May, 2008 A young unreligous man in Iceland was joyfully taking a piss when he noticed, Mother Teresa had come to him in the shape of a snot covered peice of toilet paper, stuffed in his garbage bin.
