Movie
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Movies are similar to Standies but walk around more. Not to be confused with the Mongolian Standard Beast which pretends to be a coat rack before devouring its human Prey. I love super man, visit super man and make it beta!!!
“In soviet russia, movie watches you!”
~ Joey Stalin on Crack
[edit] Artificial movies
In the immortal words of God as told in the Old Testament, "Those fucking humans breed like rabbits!" Inevitably, the number of humans outstripped the number of wild Movies, leading to the Dark Ages. Fortunately, the Renaissance saw the invention of mechanized substitutes, which snare their prey with pretty pictures. Though they were originally intended to carry fleas and spread the Black Death, movie pictures eventually proved far more effective at diverting semen by presenting pornography. It is generally agreed that the invention of the movie picture came about in the early fourteenth century due to the efforts of the Marquis of Butter. The Marquis hoped to create a form of entertainment that would be accessible to even the poorest peasant. In this he failed, as theater houses soon began charging up to fourteen months' pay for single admission and a bucket of au gratin potatoes (the preferred movie snack of the time).
In the past century filmmaking has become, in the minds of many, a legitimate art form, with many movies earning critical acclaim for their subject matter and artistic value. The Sound of Music, for example, staring Bruce Willis * won eight Oscars for its stark exploration of meth abuse among the plebeians of early Rome, and the whaling film White Men Can't Jump has been cited as the primary inspiration behind Herman Melville's novel The Outlaw Josie Whales.
Filmmaking can also be used as an effective medium of telling sadistic stories, which help to summon evil spirits. A good example of a studio that does sadistic movies are Walt Disney / Hwa Chong Group of Studios. On the other hand, directors like Quentin Tarrantino and Martin Scorcese have created heartwarming films for children.
[edit] Varieties of film
Movies can be broken up into Good Movies and Bad Movies. Good movies will waste your time and are very dangerous. Bad movies have several uses, to treat insomnia, induce vomiting, or to assist in interrogations at Guantanamo Bay.
- Good movies have a few common traits that can help recognition.
- Bad movies are more easily recognized. Any of the following guarantees a Bad Movie, escape if you can!
- Stars Kevin Costner, Tom Cruise or Hugh Grant
- Billed as a "drama-comedy"
- One of the characters is a cripple: The movie is a copy of Rear Window (the least dull of its kind, which isn't saying anything)
- The word "wife" is in the title
- Preceded by a UFO icon or billed as a "Sci Fi Channel original"
- Made in the U.S. between 1951 and 1972, not titled "Doctor Strangelove"
- A remake of some Asian ghost flick
- Bruce Campbell does NOT star in it
- Is about who can dance the best
- Fiercely fast attacking zombies that isn't "28 Days Later"
- Remake
Categories: Movies | Film
