Mozambique

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

"The MO"
Glorious Nation of Mozambique
General Oogudougudoo's Bitch

(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "General Oogudougudoo knows all"
Anthem: Heaven and Mozambique - Black Sabbath
Capital	General Oogudougudoo’s Glorious Mansion
Largest city	Labour Camp
Official languages	Nepotism and Corruption
Government	Dictatorship... I mean Democracy
-Great Leader General Oogudougudoo	Great Leader General Oogudougudoo
National Hero(es)	Great Leader General Oogudougudoo
Declaration of Independence	In 1976 from Monkeys
Currency	Property of Glorious General Oogudougudoo and select government officials.
Religion	Great Leader General Oogudougudoo
Population	Worshiping Glorious General Oogudougudoo at their own free will.
Major exports	Government Propaganda, AIDS
Major imports	Luxury cars, Cuban Cigars, Pools, Hookers, Gold Jewelry (for the Government)

The Glorious nation of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Mozambique is greatest country in Africa if not World. Glorious nation of Mozambique is ruled benevolently by great leader General Oogudougudoo who always knows best for country. Glorious nation of Mozambique borders Ocean, big lake, South Africa and Scum in Malawi. Glorious nation of Mozambique has world largest deposit of Stibnite, used to make left handed screwdrivers, thanks to great leadership by great leader General Oogudougudoo.

• Area – Bigger than filthy Malawi.

The name Mozambique comes from the French word “Monkey” (Mo) and “Zambique”, meaning “Freaking bit me”. Mozambique means “Monkey freaking bit me” in French.

[edit] History of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Whatever

Not much is known about Glorious nation of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Mozambique before great leader General Oogudougudoo (he was sent south west by his parents to seek a nation to conquer, he was planning on new zealand but heard that it was too much mutton dressed up as lamb and settled for a rum cocnut down maputo way)(ps. he may claim to be a nigerian , but ougadougoo is only trying to make them look bad) took power peacefully during long, bloody Civil war in 1977. The area is believed to have been colonized by tribesmen about the twenty-sixth century AD, these early residents were soon kicked out by troops of monkeys, leading to several wars between the tribesmen and the monkeys (this may have been the inspiration for Planet of the Apes). Some time around 1976 Mozambique was colonized by the British (who all grew moustaches hoping to be more culturally sensitive), leading to 38 civil wars in 7 months (a record only broken by the rest of Africa, in 1957, 56 and 100223). Once the British realized there was no point staying there (ravages of syphilllus they had imported from yorkshire) and that monkeys were not as fun as the media made them look (particularly when they were pointing and laughing at you), they all moved to Lancashire and started bad fish and chip shops (thus finally winning the war of the roses).

[edit] Demographics

A typical resident of Northern Mozambique.

The population is made up of 41% Workers, 50% worker monkeys and 2% Government officials. Scum from filthy Malawi are not counted in the population.

[edit] Economy of Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike forget it

Non existent (apart from hordes of drunk obnoxious 4x4 driving SeffAfrikins, attempting to buy everything they did not manage to bomb to shit already)...hold on technically that is known as Foreign Direct Investment...So yes things are definitely looking up for mozambique

[edit] Culcher

The culcher of Mozambique is mainly based around hate of scum from filthy Malawi and worship of great leader General Oogudougudoo. Wherever a person goes they must be carrying a picture of great leader General Oogudougudoo and admiring it. Windscreens in all 3 non government cars have been replaced by giant pictures of General Oogudougudoo. Fundraising is currently underway to raise enough money to build a 100 metre high scale model of great leader General Oogudougudoo’s Glorious head, the goal will be reached by 8923AD.

There are many customs found only in Mozambique, such as placing foliage in the middle of road to warn of accidents or hazards ahead, the larger the foliage, the greater the hazard. If in entire tree is placed across the road you better try another route.

The Mozambican government owns two passenger trains, but there are no train tracks in Mozambique. Instead the trains are pulled long distances by the would be passengers and people who failed to pay their taxes, while carrying government officials (the would be passengers still have to pay their fares mind you).

“Can’t talk, worshiping great leader General Oogudougudoo”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mozambique

[edit] Law and Politics

General Oogudougudoo has won every single election since 1977 by a landslide of 100%. The 2006 election was also a landslide win for General Oogudougudoo, with 157% of the vote. Mosabinke has very strict laws on almost everything.

Things that are illegal in Mozambique

(Things marked with D are punishable by death.)

The number six is illegal in Mosambike and importing or drawing one is punishable by death. Note that the full six cannot be shown.

• Magazines
• Television
• Communism
• Religions other than Paganism and Voodoo
• Condoms - D
• BMWs
• Electricity - D
• Free Thought
• Wheels
• Hats - D
• Purple
• Movies
• America
• Homosexuality - D
• Computers
• Coke (Pepsi is allowed)
• Saws
• Asians
• Blacks - D
• Grues (though there is believed to be one living there)
• Ideas
• Happiness - D
• Paris Hilton
• Fun - D
• Fruit
• Pie
• Your Mom ( to fuck, - D ) ; ( to make jokes, - D ) ; ( to live with after you turn 21, - D )
• France - D
• Thinking
• Opinions
• Having more than 3 teeth
• Planes
• Helicopters
• Question Marks – D
• Everything Interesting
• DVDs
• Believing in a round earth
• Gravity
• Names beginning with A or C
• Triangles - D
• The number 6 - D
• Genitals (Filthy things)
• Sex out of your family - D
• Garlic Bread
• Gods other than General Oogudougudoo - D
• Food
• Um
• Err
• That’s it
• wait
• …
• No
• That’s all

[edit] Fun Facts

Typical car in Mozambique. Car modifying is quite popular in Mosambinke

• Mosambique has the largest number of monkey attacks anywhere in the world.
• In Mosambikue it is a law to have 2 wives, one human and one monkey.
• Mosamike Mosambik Mosambinke Mozambrike Mozambique has the easiest name of any country on earth to spell according to a gallop poll in 2002.
• A kiss from great leader General Oogudougudoo can heal everything known to man kind.
• Monkey racing is the biggest sport in Mosambike.

“Do you mean Madagascar?”

~ An American on Mozambique

[edit] Mozambique in Popular Culture

Mosambike Mozambiqe Mosambique Mo-Sam-Bike has been the setting for many badly made copies of books and films over the years:

The Hit Album "Heaven and Mozambique" by Black Sabbath, 1980.

Films - Mozambique has a booming industry of making bad copies of bad movies, in the case of "Battlefield Mozambique: A Saga of the Year 3000" much better than the original.

• The Mozambique Falcon
• The Mozambique Candidate
• Once Upon a Time in Mozambique
• The Wizard of Mozambique
• Dial M for Mozambique
• 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mozambique
• Battlefield Mozambique: A Saga of the Year 3000
• Transmorphers
• The Never Ending Story 38.5: Back to Mozambique, Again
• Police Academy: Mission to Mozambique
• Books - Buks... dem demon tings, tools a' satan dem is.
• None

Great leader General Oogudougudoo caring for his people by posing in photo-shoot.

• Music - Only heavy metal bands are legally allowed to write songs about Mozambique.
• Heaven and Mozambique - Black Sabbath
• Mozambique of Reality - Black Sabbath
• Sabbath Bloody Mozambique - Black Sabbath
• Never Say Mozambique! - Black Sabbath
• Paranoid Mozambique - Black Sabbath
• Houses of the Mozambicans - Led Zeppelin
• Mozambique ör Die - Motörhead
• Fallout Boy tried to release an album entitled "Thnx fr th Mzmbq" but were lynched by the population of Mozambique for crimes against humanity. This was widely seen by many as the best move of their career.

[edit] Internal Links

• Shit
• Africa
• Dictator
• Monkey
• Black Sabbath
• Crappy Movies
• AIDS
• Dead