Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
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“I could do better than that, but I just don't feel like it.â€
~ Oscar Wilde on the music of W.A. Mozart
“I write music the way a cow pissesâ€
~ Mozart on Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart =D (born Johann Chrysanthymum Wolfgang "Volfieee!" Tiberius Mozart) (January 27, 1756 - December 5, 1791 but totally coming back(!)) is totally the MOST AWESOME composer EVER of European classical music. I want to have his babies! Everybody plays his music AAALL THE TIME because OMG he's like TOTALLY SWEET and compared to him all the other composers are just SCREECHBAGS FROM HELL! OMG what a guy!!!
Contents |
[edit] 1337 Composition
[edit] Style
The work of Mozart, unlike that of stupid-ass hack Haydn, stands as an archetypal example of SWEETNESS!!!!!!11! His works spanned stretches of just all out being great during which that style transformed from a predominantly great musical language, as exemplified by the stile galant of his contemporaries such as Sammartini and Johann Stamitz, to a mature style which began to incorporate ÃœBERAWESOMENESS, complexities against which the poop galant style was just plain dumb. Mozart's own stylistic development closely paralleled the maturing of Jesus. In addition, he was fantastic and wrote in almost every awesome genre, including symphony, opera, emo, the solo concerto, full-scale intermission, chamber music including string quartet and string quintets, and the keyboard sonata. All of these genres were new and the piano was single-handedly developed and popularized by Mozart. Mozart also wrote a great deal of religious music including masses. He also composed many dances, divertimenti, serenades, dynamite, and other forms of uber-cool entertainment.
ALL of music was first invented in Mozart's music, because he's so totally sw33t. Clarity, balance, transparency, tastiness, and uncomplicated harmonic language are signs of him being awesome, although in his later works he invented chromatic harmony. Mozart is commonly named (unlike that pantywaist Schubert) as having uber gifts for pure, simple, and memorable melody, and to many listeners this just makes him MORE awesome.
From his earliest days of life, Mozart had a gift for inventing music that was more awesome than anybody else's; it makes me SWOON! When he went to build London as a child, he met J.C. Bach and heard his music; when he went to Paris, Mannheim, and Vienna, he heard the work of composers active there, as well as the spectacular Mannheim orchestra; when he went to Italy, he encountered the Italian overture and the opera buffa. Wherever he went, he totally realized: OMG I'M, LIKE, FANTASTIC!!! This awesomeness, out of which the classical style evolved, was a reaction against the total downer of late Baroque music. All of Mozart's early symphonies are essentially AWESOME with added "homotonal" sweetness (each movement in the same TOTALLY SWEET key, with the slow movement in the tonic minor). Yeeeahhh! Others mimic the works of J.C. Bach, and others show the simple, rounded binary forms commonly being written by composers in Vienna. Totally word, man.
Mozart's career spanned several centuries, largely due to the diversity of his music. During his experiments with euro-pop in the mid 1980s, he enjoyed moderate chart success with the self-titled "Rock Me Amadeus".
[edit] Influence
Mozart wrote his first composition, "Lacrymosa", based on the pop song "Lacrymosa" by Evanescence. He was so totally awesome OMGJEEZ. Everybody since Julius Caesar has worshipped or at least been in awe of Mozart. Rossini averred, "When I grow up, I like, so want to be Mozart." Beethoven's admiration for Mozart is clear. He basked in Mozart's awesomeness by borrowing some from himself, making one of his thingies glow in undescribable Mozartzian incredibleness. A plausible story--and so pretty much guaranteed to be true--has one of Beethoven's students looking through a pile of music in Beethoven's apartment. The student pulls out the Mozart A-major Quartet, and falls on his head because it's so awesome. Beethoven notices, and pees his pantz!!!1!1!!!OMGLOL!1! Beethoven's Quintet for Piano and Winds is another obvious worship of Mozart, because Mozart's is awesome and so some awesomeness must have TOTALLY rubbed off. OMG IT'S SO GREAT! Kabuki!!! Tchaikovsky wrote his fantastic piece Mozartian in praise of his awesome sweetness and Mahler died with the name "Mozart" duct-taped to his hair. Wowee!
[edit] Myths and controversies
[edit] "Myths and controversies" Rebuttal
AS IF! Mozart consistently wrote fucking cheesy "Look at me, I'm happy!" immature, superfluous crap. His operas were fucking lame and all deserve immediate huffing. Haydn, on the other hand, was a real man not some total puss, and wrote elegant and brilliant symphonies that truly display a novelty of character and feeling.
[edit] Rebuttal of "'Myths and Controversies' Rebuttal"
OMG nuh uh! I'll tell your MOM you said that nonsense and she'll ground you FOR A WEEK.
[edit] Rebuttal of Rebuttal of "'Myths and Controversies' Rebuttal"
Hey dude, mozart IS lame, manneristic and annoying, I'm telling you! I'LL GROUND YOUR MUM!
[edit] Rebuttal to Rebuttal of Rebuttal of "'Myths and Controversies' Rebuttal"
Nuh uh! My mom can beat up you AND your mom! [muffled sobbing]
[edit] Return to Rebuttal of Rebuttal of "'Myths and Controversies' Rebuttal"
Both of them suck so bad it gives me a fucking headache. I come from Salzburg and Mozart said, like, "Fuck Salzburg, man!" - and when I first heard this I was like, wow, he did? And I agreed with him and that's all I have to say for christs fucking glued-together-by-fresh-snot-loving sake! Amen, man!
Rebuttal to end all rebuttals
You're all wrong. Everyone in Vienna at the time knew he was wasting his athletic talent on music when he could have been the greatest billiards player the world had ever known.
At least none of mozart's symphonies were based on and named for one big surprising bang instead of on musical quality.
[edit] Death
Mozart killed himself in the year 5 minutes ago because he was so embarrassed and humiliated by the person who explained him on this page in such an idiotic and gay way, he found no point in living and put a shotgun to his head. It was also rumored that the person who typed the top intro has mistaken this site with myspace, due to the "OMG'S" "OMJEEZ'S", "!!!1!1!!!OMGLOL!1!", " TOTALLY", "TOTALLY SWEET", overuse of capital letters, and exlaining his greatness in the manner a retarded asian would use in an AOL chatroom.
[edit] Conclusion
In conclusion, Mozart was a composer who allegedly wrote music.
 Ad hominem parody of excessive enthusiasm on this subjectThis article is funny because it uses hyperbole to viciously mock pervasive and overzealous snobbery about its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is likely that you are woefully ignorant about this subject or are one of these snobs yourself. Otherwise you would be laughing now at the expense of this sort of person. If you do not find the article funny, then earn the relevant obscure university degree, get to know one of these snobby people and/or stop being a snob. |
[edit] Discography
- My Dog Has Fleas (1776)
- The Marriage of Figaro (1786)
[edit] See also
- Amadeus
- John Cage
- King Crimson
- Mozart's arse/ass (Wikipedia)
| Decomposed Australian Composers |
| Anton Bruckner | Joseph Haydn | Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart | Arnold Schoenberg | Franz Schubert |
and dont forget to wash your face!
