Mrs J
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Pretty, poised and deadly, Mrs. J. should have been a lethal combination of the arts that only a woman can perform and a top notch spy for Great Britain. However she suffered from the one unforgivable sin. A sin that made her presence known before she would glide into a room, fix her black eyes on her target and strike. As a result, the greatest spy since Mata Hari sat out the cold war asking herself “Why? Why?”
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[edit] From School Girl to Super Vixen
Born Beryl Armstrong, and later given the code name Mrs. J, the woman who could single handedly bring down Stalin, the Shah of Iran, Fidel Castro, Osama Bin Laden, and Captain Underpants was a bouncing plumpkin of joy for both her parents. In fact there was nothing within her childhood that would indicate greatness, save for the ability to eat a mud pie every once in a while.
So until the day that reached 13, everyone from her teachers to her parents thought that Beryl would do well to give up on the pies and learn to cook for real if she was going to capture a husband.
However on the day that she reached that magic number of 13, things inside of Beryl started to boil. Her body burned off the baby fat to make room for the pert nubile breasts that soon followed. Her stubby legs, now free of their chuncky-wunky took on a sleekness that would be the envy of even Naomi Campbell. The only fly in ointment was her skin, which looked for a time like Disney’s animated version of the moon. It too cleared up and revealed stunning good looks.
Inside of it all was a brain that was a master in the ancient feminine art of “Knowing” that allowed her to stay two-steps in front of everyone else and an authority on just about everything from dating and hemlines, to napalm bombs and the art of Ninja Stars. So she did the only logical thing that a girl could do: she became a Demonstration Model – the only career that could put her looks and beauty to the test.
[edit] MI-5
Discovered while drinking an Chocolate soda at an arms convention (where she was domostrating the American built Ticonderoga 55 tank with a built in bar), Beryl was swept up by MI5, which understood the power and the brains behind the false eyelashes. She was given the code name of “Mrs. J” and was done with basic training before you could say “lip lube”.
The only problem was that there was an air about her that people just couldn’t pin down. The specialists at MI5 believed that her power of Knowing was so great, that Mrs. J somehow broadcast it out for everyone else to sense.
Still she was deployed to Cairo Egypt where she went undercover as a fish monger. And she was in her element – immediately sending secret dispatches of great worth to the home front. After toppleing King Farouk, Mrs. J returned home, but almost immediately again, that thing about her reared its ugly head, only it was worse. The chemists at MI-5 set to work and tried to discover what was making it so hard for the folks at the office to work with Mrs. J.
[edit] The Unforgivable Sin
She should have been tops on the list for the promotions being given out, but when it was discovered what Mrs. J’s problem was, no man at MI5 could bring himself to tell Mrs. J. what the problem really was. So she:
- She became the lover of the Ayatollah Khomeini for a while until she nagged him to drive out the Shah of Iran.
- Bored with Iran, she walked home.
- She grew old.
- She drew a hefty pension.
- She was alone, except for her cats.
And her problem?
It seems that feminine odor kept Mrs. J. from achieving her dreams and prevented her from reaching her full potential of saving the world from the mess in which one now finds ones self. Had she only known of the power of original brown Lysol Disinfectant, our story might have been happier, and the world be a safer and more aromatic place. You see the same Lysol that hospitals, nursing homes and care centers use to mop their floors is also an effective when used as part of an effective douche program. Brown Lysol reaches into the folds and crevices, coats where odor causing bacteria live and multiply. Original Lysol is strong enough to scrub the dried on, caked on puke from the streets of New Orleans, yet it will not harm delicate feminine tissues. Leaves you feeling hospital cleansed fresh. Now you know the source of Grandma’s lingering scent.
Remember now, Lysol original formula is now available in a fresh pine scent too!
