Muffgasm
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“Muffgasm? Whoa that takes me back.”
~ Pope Benedict XVI on Muffgasms
“Muffgasm is the ONLY way to fly.”
~ Winston Churchill on Muffgasms
“Dhey call me da Muffdaddy.”
~ Generic Black Individual on Muffgasms
The Muffgasm is the transcendence from the physical to a world of sensory delight. This can be achieved through a Mufforgy or individual Muffgasmic activities.
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[edit] History
The Muffgasm was first discovered by Hitler on 1st September 1939. He reported it caused feelings of euphoria, ambition, power and a strange desire to destroy Poland. The Muffgasm was rediscovered in the age of Aquarius, when it was reclaimed from ‘the man’, after the supplies of muffins had been repressed by the Republican party for personal use. Thus the Starsign Aquarius is seen as a sign of luck by those experiencing a Muffgasm, especially when Jupiter is aligned with Uranus. (The planet, not your ANUS, Jesus)
[edit] Biophysical Effects
The Muffgasm simulates both salvia and prostate glands, producing moisture in both oral and anal cavities. This moisture is the cause of ‘muffbliss’, a perceived heightened state of alertness whereas the individual is in fact in a close to catatonic state caused by immense pleasure, the cause of addiction.
[edit] Notable Muffgasm Addicts
- Saddam Hussein
- Al Gore
- Adolf Hitler
- Sean Penn
- Oprah
- The entire Republican Party
- The entire Democrat Party
- This Guy
- Kittens
[edit] Chemical Composition of Muffgasm
The major biologically active chemical compound involved in the muffgasm is Δ9-tetrahydromuffinol which attaches to the brain lobes and vibrates. It is often heard by those outside the person's brain, often it drives them insane and cause them to start abusing the Muffgasm as well. So it spreads like...some sort of...virus.
[edit] Environmental Benefits
“Screw recycling. Muffgasm. I’m super serial, you guys”
~ Al Gore on Environmental Effects of Muffgasm
In the event of an attack by a Manbearpig, Muffgasm can SAVE YOUR LIVES. The Manbearpig is allergic to exposure to a Muffgasm or even the sight of a Muffgasm,(how ever a Manbearpig is in no way as dangerous as Michael Moores ass). It causes a swelling of blood vessels around the anus because of the chemical reaction between Δ9-tetrahydromuffinol and Manbearpig flesh. Muffgasm also soaks up greenhouse gases.
Both of these factors have lead to Al Gore (inventor of the environment) to encourage it through a new environmental campaign, Earthgasm. Al Gore practices what he preaches and has become a regular Muffgasmer himself.
[edit] Gore Muffins
This controversial decision to abandon his previous commitments to the conservation of the endangered Californian Manbearpig, and whole heartedly devote himself to the way of life which is the Muffgasm, is, what most political parties consider, to be the cause of Al Gore's devastating loss in the Presidential Campaign and, on a more personal level, the loss of his wife and children, all of which died in the Great Pool Party incident of 2000, the world lost a lot of good people that day... good people that needn't have suffered the agony of submersion in Michael Moore's arse pit. This senseless act committed by the poor beast "Michael Moore" is no fault of his own after Al Gore, drunk on Δ9-tetrahydromuffinol and his own power, released the mindless creature into the pool party "for a bit of a laugh". Indeed while feasting on the flesh of Al Gore's peers and family, Al Gore had wandered into his house at which point he fell into a comatose sleep, where the authorities discovered him in a pool of his own fecal juices.
Days after, Michael Moore had escaped (taking Al Gore's muffin stash with him) into the "Wild Woods" the legendary home of the Californian Manbearpig. Upon his revival Al Gore swore revenge on Michael Moore his sacred oath, witnessed by a slightly tipsy Britney Spears, is said to have been so poignant that it forever enriched Britney's womb with the ability to bear 100,000 children all of which fathered by different men.
“Tis more Belly than man”
~ the severed-frozen head of Walt Disney on Michael Moore
Al Gore motivated by his need for vengeance on the white whale that had so decimated the peaceful waters of the Gore families pool party, as well his need for a Muffgasm high, led a party of nine (indeed one could call it a "fellowship") into the Wild Woods, each armed with Weapons of Mass Ass Reduction, their mission to find the white whale (Michael Moore) target his ring of fire and using any means necessary in recovering Al Gore's muffins!!!
By the third day of their journey seven of Al Gore's party lay dead, picked off like weeping scabs one by one by the hungry Manbearpigs, Al Gore rethought his policy on Manbearpig conservation, it was now PERSONAL!!
It was the next day, after feasting on a strange tasting "meat" that was just "found" in the forest, {strangely in the night some creature had eaten most of the flesh from their dead compatriots (eyes shift guiltily) Al Gore discovered the Michael Moore den. It was a magical valley, filled with strange flora, scented grasses and vast mountains topped with snow, upon closer inspection Al Gore was to find to his horror and wonder, that the mounds were actually a herd of Michael Moore's, all of which grazing peacefully on the scented grasses. The surviving biologist in Al Gore's party recorded with meticulous detail their numbers, the male to female ratio, the number of young, as well as the breast feeding mothers, the pulsating bulk of the new mother Moore's broken intermittently by swollen milk filled teats, each seeping the rich 98% fat milk so necessary for the building of blubber in adolescent Michael Moore's.
Al Gore utilizing his underlings skills identified the weakness of these behemoths and using the one remaining weapon of Mass Ass Reduction, slaughtered all but one of the [[[Michael Moore]] beasts, the survivor a lone female was swollen with child, Al Gore taking pity on the beat only cut of its feet, before continuing on his quest to destroy the lone rogue Moore.
Six years would pass before Al Gore was to find the "Moore" he was looking for, it was in the mountains of Jewland, on the Eastern corner of the Jewverse, perched on a to-scale model of Jew York City. The Michael Moore was in a bad state it was huddling naked protecting the remaining "Gore muffins" in its hairy "egg" sack, it grunted suggestively at Al Gore and what followed was several hours of rough, sweaty, bestial Man-Moore love. The Moore, thus satiated of its need to procreate, dissolved into a quivering moist pile of fatty, corpuscle flesh leaving a faint oder of Gore love.
Al Gore staggered from the Wild Woods into the civilized world in the Winter of 2007, after several operations on his anus, included the removal of the parasitic Moore egg sack, (teeming with thousands of gestating Moore young writhing in a pool of amniotic fluids) as well as the reinsertion of Al Gore's signature stick up his ass.
The where abouts of the coveted Gore muffins is still unknown. Where they dissolved with the rogue Moore? Do they still lie on the earth at the peak of the tallest mountains in Jewland? No one will ever know how ever the Gore muffins have entered into Muffgasm legend, known throughout time as the Deathly Pastry's, or the Gore muffins.
Thousands sought the muffins all but one of these desperate Muffgasm pilgrims died. The lone survivor told of great peril in his quest; maddened Moore's, Manbearpigs, gender confused playwrights fired from the BBC and angry midgets but few of the terrifying perils he had faced. He told of his near success, and how by harnessing the corpses of his fallen comrades into a raft he could ride down a magical river of death and finally reach the resting place of the legendary muffins. His quest led him to the head quarters of the Scientologists who mistaking the muffins as alien man jelly had combined them with magics taught to them by the elves. The pilgrim was lucky to be alive after the forces within the muffins combined forming the one muffin...the DOOM MUFFIN!
Before the pilgrim could reveal the location of this ill-named muffin he died of natural causes. That is he was hit by a falling branch several times on the temple. It was a peaceful death and was in no way long painful and/or lingering!
The Doom Muffin is sought by all who seek the ultimate Muffgasm and transcend to a higher plain of existence.
