Munster Settlesack

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Munster Settlesack was born October 6th, 1500, and raised in small Amish community somewhere in the great Hawaiian wilderness. His father was a shoemaker and his mother was barn wench. Childhood years were hard on the young Munster. He was often ridiculed by others, and lived a lonesome life at the edge of chaos. His father died when Munster was only a mere 13 years old, and when his mother caught sight of the bloody spectacle that was his father, after the fateful washboard incident, her head exploded, releasing hundreds of kittens and Jell-O pudding snacks into the atmosphere. More frustration, turmoil, and anguish set in, in the following years. At the age of 15, the distraught Settlesack devoured his entire village and had sex with a goat named Lucile producing what we now call 'Canadians'. He roamed the Earth for nearly 400 years spreading his seed and conquering nations.

Contents 1 Write and Wrong 2 Trouble on the Tracks 3 Later Years 4 Now

[edit] Write and Wrong

In the early 20th century, Settlesack found joy writing children’s books, based loosely on his addled childhood in the underbrush of the Hawaiian Amish community. Some of his most renowned books include “Where The Wild Things Are”, “Go Dog Go”, and “The Hotdog Bandit”. As he progressed in his career, his books became too complex for the inferior minds of the target children’s audience. Settlesack retired from his long running career of story telling.

In 1923, after a deep depression, Munster Settlesack found new life in the world of politics. After catching a ferry across the Atlantic, Settlesack moved inland towards Germany. He met an intriguing fellow by the name of Adolf Hitler, who, at the time, was contemplating the theft of all the chocolate in all of Europe. He and Munster made fast friends, sharing life stories of past hardships and losses. Settlesack’s experience in conquering others ultimately led him to a spot as one of Hitler’s top Commanders, and to be a co-writer of “Mein Kampf”. He was later discredited from writing in 1933, after the German Council of Literary Works saw this as a threat to German Literature, seeing the aged American, Settlesack, credited fro writing a book of such caliber. Settlesack raised complaints, saying, "The book was mine! Discredited from a book I poured my heart and soul into!? Blasphemy!" Settlesack was told, as printed in many historical documents, "What kind of a name is Munster, anyway"? His close friend, Adolf, retaliated by killing the Jews.

[edit] Trouble on the Tracks

In April, 1943, after watching “Casablanca” for the fifth time in two days, argument sparked between the two. Hate raged between them for four months before Settlesack resigned from his duty, and fled the continent, swimming the entire length of the ocean, and arriving at a New York seaport two days later. After Munster’s departure, Hitler developed cases of irritable bowel syndrome, skin lesions, irregular heartbeat, syphilis, and Parkinson's disease. He committed suicide in a bunker two years later.

[edit] Later Years

After finally emerging from his Bungalow in northern Tennesee in the early 70s Settlesack went on to produce hundreds of classic adults films and collect over 450 different strands of the herpes virus and other various STDs which he later used as payment for Satan to gain immortality and the ability to shape-shift. In the early 80s Settlesack took on the guise of David Hasselhoff and appeared on the widely popular "Knight Rider series". He also appeared on such shows as, "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" as Carlton, and "Saved By The Bell" as Screech. Through the 70s and 80s , he also produced a plethora of Academy Award winning films, such as “The Godfather”, “Scarface”, and “Driving Miss Daisy”, winning the hearts of millions with both his shear ruggedness and soft, sensitivity.

[edit] Now

In the late 90s Munster became tired of his nomadic lifestyle and settled down in Manhatten, where he met his transvestite lover, Pauline. Pauline and Settlesack married, and soon after they had 3 children and 4 ferrets. Settlesack now, even through the hardship of exile, lives a modest life of relaxation and reconciliation. He currently lives with his wife-thingy, 3 children and 4 ferrets.