Muse

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INHUMAN CONTENT WARNING

Evidence has shown that this page may have been written by an alien, and therefore all information (unless it was written by a politician) should be taken seriously.

This Muse Track List is thought to contain a deep hidden meaning, though currently it remains unbroken.

“I have a revealing black hole to show them.....”

~ Noel Coward on Muse

“... Radiohead's deformed cousin.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Muse

“I don't remember singing on any of their songs. I don't even remember where I left my pants!”

~ Thom Yorke on Muse

“You have committed crimes against Star Wars!”

~ Matt Bellamy on vocals

Muse or more popularly known, That band that's beside Radiohead are a progressive rapcore symphonic gospel folk country blues acid house dance-pop hardcore punk nerdcore hip-hop heavy metal cheese alien alternative rock band formed in Teignmouth, Devon, UK in 1994 (significantly, just after Radiohead's appearance). Or they may be a band from Mars England, called Queen, or even radiohead as has been claimed by notable historian Kurt Yorke, OBE. Due to a lack of pretentiousness, a lazy eye, annoyingly boring tracks, and rampant psychedelic usage, it is doubtful that they are, in fact, Radiohead.

They are only the greatest band ever (after Dream Theater). To ever come from Britain. After the film Radiofish. Their music incorporates various musical styles: from amazing to more amazing. More recently Muse turned to a teenage mainstream abuse band.

[edit] Formation

Muse was formed when Matt Bellamy stupidly decided to bring up quantum physics in a bar. Neither Dominic Howard nor Chris Wolstenholme knew what he was on about, so they decided to have a crazy orgy in Japan instead.

Matt Belle Amy is an alien, as is common knowledge, who often sings about his home planet of Sirius B-42-V in his music. Indeed, "Starlight" refers to the ship that the primitive peoples of the Sirian solar system managed to build. Because of this, nobody knows his true name, or indeed how his anatomy works, but it is clear from his remarkable, catchy yet evil voice that he must have no testes. His fondness for young Armenian boys has led many to conclude that he is indeed a closet homosexual. One must also take into consideration that the song "Knights of Cydonia" refers to a region on Mars that he is very fond of. The cover of "Black chickens and oysters" features four men sitting on a table on the surface of Mars. This is proof to the fact that he is indeed an alien and that he is looking for others who are alien. "Sunburn" refers to the fact that his skin fries easily due to the fact that it is -100 degrees on Sirius B-42-V. "Exo-Politics" is him fighting against the government's opposition to his fellow Sirians. "Muscle Museum" refers to strange Sirian fetishes. "Stockholm Syndrome" is an area on his home planet where people sing in high voices about cheese. If I went into any more detail....your head would explode. Despite being part of an alien race that has barely any musical abilities, Matthew Bellamy is hailed as one of or the greatest guitarists of the 21st century, capable of shooting fire and lightning out of his Sirian-made guitar, and play it without actually holding or knowing where it is. His whiny voice also proves that he is, in fact, an alien. His life goal is to make Thom Yorke cry everyday. The band "MUSE" is just a by product of this.

As a result of his song Knights of Cydonia, Bellamy has become one of the most hated men in the universe. The locals of the quiet Mars settlement have reportedly put out numerous intergalactic complaints about Bellamy, as his song has brought an influx of tourists to their otherwise peaceful town.

Chris Wolfenstein is a different story. He is actually black, despite what many would expect. How else would anyone be able to drop such a fat-ass bass line? The reason that nobody has ever noticed this is that Chris Wolstenholme cannot be looked at directly, as he is a small but very deadly black hole which Matt Bellamy brought with him on the way to Earth, and forms a blank spot on the retina which all sentient beings simply refuse to acknowledge. it is rumoured that he can be seen at night when there is a waxing gibbous moon and the sun is in Ophiuchus, but this is yet to be proven. He has the ability to use an electric guitar WITHOUT A PICK.

Demonic Coward met the other two members of Muse in a bar in 1994, and chancing to see Chris Wolstenholme partially out of the corner of his eye, his talent was sucked out of him on the spot. Fortunately, it was returned back to him later after a formal complaint lodged by fans after the completion of the live song "Jimmy Kane". The song was never seen again. The Waorani tribe believe that his teeth when extracted can harness the power of the sun, moon and stars. He has the ability to smash metal instruments, and enjoys the company of small fluffy animals to sup of an evening. It is rumoured that Dom is part spider.

Muse formed a few weeks after the aforementioned 'bar incident', releasing their first EP just ten days later, entitled merely 'Improvised'.

[edit] Conspiracy

Matthew Nobelly's fetish for dolls led him to purchase this life size Italian Barbie. The song Plug-In Baby was written for it.

Muse often hide cryptic messages within their song titles, album names, and lyrics. These cryptic messages often turn out to be anagrams or other codes, which in turn seem to form parts of a larger as-yet unsolved puzzle which many Muse fans and conspiracy theorists believe contains top secret information about government affairs with aliens, which Matt has acquired using his alien skills. The government still insists that it is all a coincidence. They are behind this all! OH NOES!

It is thought that due to increased suspicion from officials in the government, future anagrams require ever more complicated methods of decryption, including Caesar squares, the use of an M-3 Enigma naval simulator or even Welsh.

Another Muse conspiracy is the song Assassin, which was created to destroy future rival bands. Any drummers attempting to play Assassin would find that they end up hitting themselves in the face and/or crotch with their sticks, thus ruining the potential of any bands trying to challenge Muse and granting them universal supremacy over everything. Sing for Absolution details him singing for the absolution of the meeting of Thrice and Muse in a grand temple in Hyrule.

Matthew Bellamy is widely regarded as the sole reason for the fall of the Soviet Union and is therefore considered a demi-god in rural regions of Russia. He discusses this in the song "Stockholm Sydrome".

The song "Hysteria" is actually about Oscar Wilde, and vice versa.

After a recent tour of Vinrex 24-A, a planet quite close to Matt's home, their song "Shrinking Universe" became a number one hit and received world wide airplay. It was at this point that the universe actually shrunk, revealing the true reason as to why Muse wrote the song. Fortunately Earth is not in the same universe as Vinrex 24-A and thus is still in one piece. However, airplay of this song has since been banned in our universe, particularly on Mars.

[edit] Subliminal Messages In Muse Songs

The strangest subliminal message of all can be found in the song Blackout, which although it has at least 20 different words (apparently) and various instrumental gaps, appears to repeat the words 'God Help Us we Sing Like bloody Goats' over and over for the whole song. Matt Bellamy has claimed to have put this message in deliberately, but these lyrics would suggest self-deprecation, which is a skill that Sirians are not capable of, except for three. "Apocalypse please" also has subliminal messages, four or five of them. If it is played backwards, it doesn't say "Great Wilbraham"

[edit] Muse Allies

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Muse.

Muse have earned some allies in their music land, when they encountered and helped the strange Dwarf clan exiled from Dwarfland for not having 7 members in their clan, called The Cooper Temple Clause. Muse are also great fans/members of the religion Shazaam. Thrice is perhaps their greatest ally. Muse are also in a loose alliance with the Christian soft rock Gorgoroth, as both are involved in a war with the extreme black metal band Orson.

[edit] Frequently Misunderstood Lyrics

The lyrics in the chorus of 'Butterflies and Hurricanes' are often disputed. However, the most widely accepted version is listed below.

CHORUS

Bends
We tried to beat the Bends
We've got to beat the 'Head
But nobody came close

[edit] Muse Live

The media of the day regard Muse as a great live band, and this is shown by the fact that the band have won over two awards since the start of their music career. However, unbeknownst to them is the secret brain deterring wavelengths that Muse's music produces, which put mere humans in a trance-like state of enjoyment and awe. This phenomenon is evidenced by a selection of quotes I have collected: [And by I, we of course mean an unbiased and reliable scientific source]

"Wow Muse were good weren't they?"
"YES MASTER"
"Did you see the fireworks"
"YES MASTER"
"Amazing weren't they. I particularly liked when he transformed into a woman and gave me fellatio"
"YES MASTER"
"I loved the part where the vocalist devoured infants.
"YES MASTER"

[Conversation post-muse concert between a Muse fan and a kitchen sink].

[edit] Muse Albums

• Slow Whiz

  1. "Moonburn" – 3:54
  2. "Hustle Museum" – 4:23
  3. "Ryan Phillip" – 4:01
  4. "Falling Up" – 4:34
  5. "Hole"  – 4:46
  6. "The Shoob Whiz" – 5:16
  7. "Intended" – 3:57
  8. "You Aren't In My Top 8 Anymore" – 3:38
  9. "Drunk" – 4:04
         * "Fuzzy Noise" (bonus track between "Drunk" and "Arrival" on North Korean release) – 4:44
 10. "Arrival" – 3:31
 11. "Overdue by hours" – 2:26
 12. "Love This & I'll Let You Do Me" – 5:09

• Orgies of Humility

  1. "New Porn (Yes!)" – 6:01
  2. "Bliss via destruction" – 4:12
  3. "Space Exploration" – 6:20
  4. "ADD" – 3:20
  5. "Plug In Baby - Made In Japan" – 3:40
  6. "Uncyclopedia Erased" – 7:19
  7. "Microsluts" – 3:38
  8. "Queenager" – 4:20
  9. "Light Shines" – 4:47
 10. "-.-'" – 3:19
 11. "Ancientism" (Japan Bonus Track) – 3:27
 12. "I Think I'm Soooooo Great - Sincerely M.Bellamy" – 4:38

• Hullapaloozabalala

  1. "Forced Out" – 4:18
  2. "Surviving Universe" – 3:06
  3. "Lunchtime YAY!" – 3:35
  4. "No, Thanks" – 3:05
  5. "Map of Your Balls" – 4:23
  6. "Cliffs Are My Friends, I Partictulary Enjoyed Beachy Head" – 3:39
  7. "Shine Electric Acoustic" – 5:12
  8. "Not Afraid" – 3:47
  9. "The Gallery's Secret" – 3:30
 10. "ADD Music" – 5:28

• Abortsolution

  1. "Stomp Stomp StompStompStomp" – 0:22
  2. "Apocalypse Cheese" – 4:12
  3. "Time is Divorcing Me" – 3:56
  4. "Sing for Masturbation" – 4:54
  5. "Homo Syndrome" – 4:58
  6. "Falling Away with Gravity" – 4:40
  7. "Internet" – 0:37
  8. "Chaotic Randomness" (Bellamy/Wolstenholme) – 3:47
  9. "WhipeOut" – 4:22
 10. "Butter Pie and Curry Stains" – 5:01
 11. "The Giant Print" – 3:28
 12. "Desperately" – 3:49
 13. "Thoughts of a Dying Fundamentalist" – 3:11
 14. "Pwned By Noobness" – 4:54

• Smack Holes and Fornications

  1. "Take A Bath" – 4:35
  2. "Carfight" – 3:59
  3. "Supermassive Black Hole (in my ass)" – 3:29
  4. "Map of the Prober, Static" – 4:18 (Also bound to attract lots of bad remixes)
  5.
  6. "There Is No Fifth Song (Cos We're Fuck'n Invincible)" – 5:00
  7. "Ass Ass In" – 3:31 (notably covered by Wyclef Jean)
  8. "Ex-O-Alcoholics" – 3:53
  9. "City of Defecation" – 4:48
  10. "Hoedown (Feat. Dolly Parton)" (Bellamy/Paris Hilton) – 3:43
  11. "Knights of My Bone (yeah)" – 6:06
  12. "Holyarse" (sponsored by the Pope's bottom) – 4:38
  13. "Someone Spent Way Too Much Time Making Fun Of Our Song Titles With Bad Puns. They Have 
       Been Taken Care Of, This Song Consists Of Their Screams As We Stole Their Soul And 
       Used It To Remix A New Song" - 10:61

• H.E.E.R.P.E.S.

[edit] See also

• The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan
• Moose