Mushroom

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The rare "play mushroom". While not lethally poisonous, it may cause vivid and disturbing hallucinations of badgers, snakes, and Flash cartoons with annoyingly catchy tunes. seriously. if you see it, run.

“This vegetable is the single bane to all man (and gay).”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mushrooms

“'This is not a vegetable, its a fungus'”

~ Scientist on Mushrooms

“'Come to papa!'”

~ Mario on Mushrooms

“You kids and your fancy mushrooms! I remember back in the day when we only had a bucket, and it had a cover on it, and we'd play basketball, but we could never get it in... You kids have it so easy these days with your 'flying machines' and 'popcorn makers.' Back in the day, we used to have to sit on the popcorn long enough to make it pop...”

~ Creepy Old Man on mushrooms... I think...

“That infø is accurate før some, but nøt representative øf me.”

~ Hider Mushroom on his own species

“Mama-Mia! Poison Mushrooms!!”

~ Luigi on mushrooms.

Mushrooms are the number one source of happiness and despair in this world we live in. Although they contain enough poison to knock a horse into a heavy coma, they are a favoured delicacy of the French. But so are frogs, so, there you go. Mushrooms are an extremely posionous plant, which, when smeared heavily on spears, can be used to kill and maim. In contrast, the French have found that if you smear them heavily on toasted bread, they make quite an alternative to jam.

1 Origins
2 Badger, badger, badger, badger...
3 Snake! Snake!
4 Types of Mushrooms
5 A little statistic knowledge of mushrooms
6 See also

[edit] Origins

The word mushroom comes from an old Latin word meaning, Satan's Snot. This actually has some factual basis, as Kurt Cobain "lies in the soil and fertilizis mushrooms" however, many people just believe that he was stoned at the time that he wrote that song, "Smelly Apprentice." They were named this due to the fact that when cooked they are possibly the grossest texture and taste on this earth. In fact there was only one other extreme comparable to the disgustingness that is a mushroom, which is pure EVIL.

While widely believed to be an evolutionary offshoot of the Great Woolly Mammoth, recent studies in Switzerland have raised questions as to the possibilities of the mushroom being merely the slow-growing larvae of this prehistoric animal, adding considerably to their mystery. The now commonly accepted models shows that these larvae never develop to maturity due to the now global presence of cell-phone towers and techno music. International efforts, spearheaded by various self-proclaimed descendants of mammoth-eating early humans, are being made to formally address these concerns.

[edit] Badger, badger, badger, badger...

These amusing little creatures are called Badgers. They are really French people entrapped in the body of a hairy animal. Of course, if you consider it, French people are really hairy animals anyway, so I guess their transition makes a lot of sense. Badgers, drawing on their French roots, eat mushrooms. Their droppings are then smeared heavily on spears. Or, eaten as a delicacy in France. You gotta hand it those crazy French people, eh?

[edit] Snake! Snake!

This is a Snake, it is a English man trapped in the body of a slippery reptile. Again, it works. Now then, being English (and they being French) snakes are the natural enemy of badgers. They seek mushrooms to use against the badgers because, though they are not poisonous to the badgers, they are a highly effective sedative allowing badgers to be captured and interrogated.

[edit] Types of Mushrooms

The Rosie O'Donnell Mushroom: It is far too large and obnoxious to ever possibly be eaten or harvested, they only grow in Satan's asshole.

The Dancing Mushroom: The Dancing Mushroom is a dangerous little bugger, because it will paralyze you with it's enchanting dance, and then force itself into your mouth. Once inside, it will make you dance uncontrollably until you are shot down by the local police force. Or the French.

The Yummy Mushroom: The Yummy Mushroom is not actually a poisonous fungi. It is actually a very tasty morsel, and countries other than France have been seen eating them. They were of course, quickly taken care of by the French. The French hate competition.

The Fairy Mushroom: The Fairy mushroom has copped a lot of flack recently because of its name. It is considered politically incorrect to call this mushroom a fairy as this may offend the gay community. Upon hearing this, the French immediately went out and opened a whole new range of fairy mushroom merchandise because they want to offend the gay community.

The Mad Mushroom: Bouncing fungus from a planet called Gnosticus IV or something. It bounces in a predictable pattern, straight up and down, and cannot be hurt in any way whatsoever. It's blue-gray and has a face and...ah, fuck this. Go play Commander Keen and see it for yourself.

The Coma Mushroom: Quite simply, eating this mushroom will put you in a coma. Therefore, it would be a bad idea to consume this plant. Unless you are French, then go ahead!

The Play Mushroom: See Picture

The George Bush Mushroom: this is a very stubborn mushroom. Everybody who's got a brain knows that this mushroom has killed over 3,000 people, but it insists on that its doing good for the Iraqi mushrooms. Be careful, THIS MUSHROOM IS DEADLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Leonard Cohen Mushroom: A robust, complicated little brown mushroom, best served with tea and oranges that come all the way from China. It is French-Canadian and best consumed when the summer night is fragrant with a mighty expectation of relief.

Bioluminescent Mushroom: Recharges batteries when eaten. Applies only to Solid Snake.

The Fly agaric mushroom: A mushroom named Jesus created it.

The Fire Mushroom: Gives Mario the ability to throw fire at his enemies.

The Stuffed Mushroom This mushroom is stuffed. With what, we're not sure — ask the French.

The Block Mushroom This is the most useless mushroom, just throw a snake... then a mongoose.

The Lesbian Mushroom While these grow exclusively in Japan and America, particularly around Japanese all-girl boarding schools, and around the homes of dumb rich blonde girls. This mushroom is rather odd, as it has a sweet scent that tends to attract both hot girls, and tentacle monsters. WARNING: This mushroom, if ingested by a man, will cause his balls to fall off before he is randomly eaten by a Grue.

The 1Up Mushroom This mushroom is extremely poisonous. eating one makes one swell to incredible size, and become blinded by adrenaline. this leads to reckless behavior and many Skull Fractures/broken backs/ people knocked into a dimension that does not exist. Also a compulsion to wear blue overalls, a hat, grow a thick mustache and shout "WHAAAAAAAAAAA WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" and other such senseless jibbajabba

The Super Mushroom This mushroom may induce certain seizures and imaginary superheroes flying at you. Be careful where you use this, you may turn into a superhero at any time (for an idea on consequences, see Captain Obvious

The Magic Mushroom of +5 Hallucination Weeeee! I can fly! Look at all the pretty sounds, you all taste so nice my little ants. If only daddy Azathoth could see me now.

The Friendly Giant Mushroom First discovered by an idiot who drank too much hallucinogenic cactus juice. Please don't get confused because this does NOT have to do with the atomic bomb.