My Dog Has Fleas
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My Dog Has Fleas, a.k.a. K.314159 (German, Mein Hund hat Flöhe) is a dramatic German opera that was composed in 1776 by Wolfgang Amadeaus Mozart while he was fleeing bitter persecution from the Austrian Philharmonic Orchestra, with libretto by William Shakespeare.
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[edit] Commissionment
Mozart, who was down to his last gold pfennig at the time, sought the approval of the Emperor Joseph II to stage a lavish musical production for the Austrian National Theatre using many thousands of trained dancing canines in revealing leotards. In spite of the fact that the private possession of dogs was banned throughout all Central Europe at the time, the Emperor was sufficiently intrigued enough to temporarily wave the inconvenient restriction in acquiescence to the brilliant composer's logistic requirements. The fact that a virulent flea-born strain of bubonic plague wiped out 99% of the Holy Roman Empire's population a mere two weeks later was a complete coincidence.
[edit] Overview
The opera, in one act composed of one relatively short scene, lasts all of 4.33 seconds. The overture (in E major) dominates the entire production with a powerful rising archipelago of nearly perfect fourths (played by strings and tuning forks in unison). This Mozartian melodic motif is recognized the world over to this day, even by unsuspecting people who never even heard of Mozart.
[edit] The Plot, as Such
The plot, as such, centers around a coastal seaport in 16th century Portugal, in which the main protagonist, Don Ho, attempts to woo a young nubile maiden (Donna Summer) with his gigantic electric ukulele. Emotional tension rises to unbearable levels when the Don accidentally strikes an off-note (D flat instead of D natural), because, as luck wouldst have it, the ukulele, instead of being a genuine Stradivarius™ as the Don was led to believe when he purchased it not half an hour previously, was, in fact, a cheap Hawaiian import. Donna Summer's pet French poodle bites the Don in retaliation, who immediately drops dead of rabies (Don Ho, that is, not the poodle). As the curtain descends, we (the opera-going audience) are compelled to reflect upon the mysteries of life, death, rabid poodles, and unrequited love, until such time that we are bodily thrown out of the theatre by the angry theatre manager, presumably for loitering.
[edit] Lackluster Reception
The opera opened to mixed reviews in the Vienna Times, and was mercilessly slammed by the Italian press as, quote, "having too few notes", unquote. Urban legend has it that Mozart was so disappointed with the lackluster reception that he blamed his mortal enemy Antonio Salieri of malicious sabotagé, and immediately filed suit against him in the Habsburg Court of Petty Revenge (HCPR), where the case is still pending to this day.
Mozart, meanwhile, when on to compose whole shitloads of other great operas, all of which bombed similarly.
[edit] Modern Revival
In today's postmodern world of operatic revival, Mein Hund hat Flöhe is performed mostly as Mozart intended, with ukuleles and French poodles, except when it isn't, in which case it is performed entirely by trained monkeys with banjos. The recent outbreak of monkey-born SUPERAIDS which is currently decimating the opera-going populace is, of course, a complete coincidence.
