Myst
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“If I had time to play Myst, I would not spend it playing Myst. Nice graphics though.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Myst
Myst was a mysterious computer-based exploration experience (Note: it was not a game) created in the early 1990s to show everybody how awesome computer graphics were and how boring it would be to actually create them. The game was unbelievable and inexplicably popular. It was bought by ten million people, given as a Christmas present by eight million people, unwrapped by three million people, installed by 120,000 people, played by seventeen people, completed by four people, and enjoyed by one.
This is sad because Myst had an extremely exciting ending. To be exact, it had four, and of the four people completing the game only one saw the "real one", the other three were content living with the fact that the bad endings are kind of funny and uninstalled the game shortly afterwards.
Myst was created by two brothers who liked each other so much they decided to create a game about two brothers who try to kill each other, and then to make sure the irony wasn't lost on people, decided to dress up and act out those characters themselves.
Myst is a silly game, for silly people. The gameplay is very simplistic, as is the plot. It is silly. Very silly indeed.
Contents |
[edit] Story of Myst
In the game Myst, the first thing that happens is a man jumps into a hole, disappears, and then his book falls through space until a man who happens to be standing around there picks it up. This is very mysterious, and to make it extra-mysterious, the reason why is never explained.
Soon, players discover an island built by a man named Atrus who lives in a giant Dunny (that means "toilet" in Strine). For reasons known only to himself, he created an island for his family to live on, comprised of almost no living-quarters or bathrooms, and instead, almost entirely of security mechanisms which would be used should anyone ever burn all but four of his books.
Luckily for Atrus, his forward-planning paid off, because someone indeed did burn all but four of his books. Therefore, the construction of a giant rocket ship with a music keyboard [which is a pain in the ass]in it which can not fly, a massive fake tree with an elevator hidden in it, a sailing ship on a planet consisting entirely of just one small island, and an inexplicable pair of giant cogs, and some other useless puzzles for you to find out.
In addition, Atrus also wrote two special books, one red & one blue, to hold his sons Sirrus & Achenar. The game tells us that they were actually put there because they were blamed for burning all but four of Atrus' books, but there is specualtion that they were put in there to prevent them from having gay sex with each other. And to prevent their escape, Atrus tore out 6 pages each from the books, which magically decided to hide in 12 random locations, 1 for each page. The player cannot carry more than one page at a time, either, because he is a weak little girly-man.
In the game, the player must rescue Atrus from the Dunny before it is too late.
[edit] Main Characters
[edit] Atrus
[edit] Sirrus
[edit] Achenar
[edit] Ages of Myst
The four conveniently hidden books take the player to four different worlds, all of which have been affected by global warming. They are:
[edit] The Treasure Island Age
Hint: You need the shotgun before you can go to this age safely. You can find it in the Pink Floyd Age.
[edit] The Big Metal Pagoda Age
[edit] The Incredibly Straight Trees Age
[edit] The Pink Floyd Age
[edit] Marketing Triumph
It wasn't revealed until much later when the creators of Myst were interviewed by Playboy while rolling in large piles of money with hookers and champagne, that the whole project was a marketing scheme.
"In the end it all paid off, Myst was so Mysterious", laughing briefly at his own joke while fondlind a wad of $1,000 bills, "and the graphics so wonderfully rendered, and the puzzles and quests so fucking obtuse that software pirates, who's brains are pretty tiny anyway, just wouldn't touch it." Here our interview was paused as the Creators, as they liked to call themselves, had to get the pool boy to rescue two of the hookers from the champagne filled swimming pool. Apparently they had decided that the bubbles would stop them from drowning. "Stupid bitches, we've lost six that way so far. Anyhow, Myst was never pirated. A fucking major success!"
[edit] Global impact
When Myst came out, there was no such thing as CD-ROM. Therefore, the designers had to come up with a way of getting the data to you, so they decided to write all of it to a shiny plastic disc. So, if it weren't for Myst, you'd still be using floppy disks!
When they made Myst, there was no known way to make terrain in the shape of an island. Previously, all terrain was in the shape of bricks and pipes with giant flowers in them. Therefore, the designers had to come up with a height field which let them draw the terrain on paper and it would come alive within the computer. So, if it weren't for Myst, you'd still be only dreaming about islands and height fields, instead of living them, and drawing them.
When they made Myst, there was no concept of infinite sea. All games prior to Myst had only a finite sea. Therefore, the designers had to come up with a way of making an infinite sea, which was basically to make a finite sea really really big so you couldn't notice. So, if it weren't for Myst, we would still be limited by the finiteness of our seas. Myst has shown us that even if our boats are sunken we can still have an infinite sea.
Seriously though, it is a good piece of crap, please look at it. We need more money to build a fence to keep the hookers out of the pool.
